You could see it in the eyes of the Phillie phanatics (but not in the face of the Phillie Phanatic because he wears the same expression all the time ... because he's wired ...on caffeine ... or greenies ... not sure which) a few innings after those phans had exhausted themselves waving their Fightin' Phillies rags as Sugar Cane Shane capped the 4-run second with his 2-run single and then capped the 4-run third with his 2-run triple.
Euphoria had yielded to angst ... the 8-2 lead had shrunk to 8-5 on Manny's 3-run homer ... and as the Dodjerks sent the tying run to the plate on more than one occasion, the FOX-TV cameras showed the images of concerned fans who had only one thought.
"Please don't be 15-14, please don't be 15-14, please don't be 15-14 ..."
Unless, of course, the mantra running through the minds of those panicked phanatics was: "Please don't be another Black Friday ... please don't be another Black Friday ... please don't be another Black Friday ..."
For those of us phans of the Fightin's who couldn't be there at The Cit today, we kept the karma train from derailing -- although we couldn't help but notice that when the FOX cameras showed us images of happy 9-, 10- and 11-year-olds amongst the crowd, we figured that maybe their innocent smiles were the result of Mom n' Dad never sitting down with the tykes and having "the talk."
Y'know ... the discussion involving 15-14 and Black Friday.
Then again, maybe those 9-, 10- and 11-year-olds don't have parents. What other explanation is there for the kids' presence at The Cit? Kids can't afford the tickets -- especially not the tickets to avenge 15-14 and Black Friday.
Thank goodness for the charity of orphanages and foster homes.
'Cuz let's face it -- Phillie Mom n' Phillie Dad is likely disinclined to explain/rationalize/justify the 14-9 lead which slipped away in Game 4 of the World Series on a damp-n'-chilly night at The Vet 15 years ago (although we did have three guys in uniform tonight who were there for 15-14 ... Milt Thompson, Larry Bowa, Mariano Duncan).
"Black Friday" vs. the Dodjerks 31 years ago receives the "shhhhhhh" treatment in the homes 'round Bryn Mawr and Bala Cynwyd -- which is the why the kids or those neighborhoods are not full of bitterness and rage.
However, instead of poundin' another nail in the L.A. coffin, the Phils spent the final six innings making the game a bit of a nail-biter -- particularly when Madson got that pitch elevated to Blake-beard the pirate and the result was that long flyball to the kooky-angled corner in CF.
Alas, L.A. of '08 is not Toronto '93 and all's well that ends well, particularly when it's the Flyin' Hawaiian showin' some ups to make the catch at the wall on Blake's drive, followed shortly thereafter by Lights Out Lidge ending the game by inducing "I-Go-By-My-Middle-Name-Which-Is-My-Dad's-First-Name-"Ramon"-Spelled-Backwards" to go fishing for sliders in the dirt in a "one! two! three! strikes yer out at the ol' ballgame" manner.
THE PHILLIES CONTINUE TO AMAZE US AND BAFFLE US AT THE SAME TIME -- and now they're two victories shy of completely f**king up the love story which ESPN craves sooooooo badly: A Manny-Beantown Homecoming! (everybody knows that the more-interesting human interest story is the one where Americans busily MapQuest the Boston sidewalk where the alleged Brett Myers did not allegedly punch/slap his alleged Mrs. before alleged eyewitnesses a few alleged years aqo).
The only thing that Brett slapped tonight was a baseball ... three hits for the guy who's batted a robust .050 the past three seasons ... the goofy mofo who impressed us with his batter's-box/basepath razzle dazzle to the point where America was forced to decide if we enjoyed Brick conking himself in the back of the helmet during his follow-through more than we were thrilled about his dash from first to third -- stumbling dangerously after touching the second-base bag -- on Rollins' single up the middle.
Some of us have lived long enough to remember the last time that "A Phillie Named Brett" did something of this magnitude was wayyyy back in '73 when pitcher Ken Brett, in his only season as a Phil, homered in four consecutive starts (it saddens us to realize that a cheerful baseball guy like Ken Brett died of brain cancer at age 55 less than two months before Tugger died of brain cancer at age 59 ... which is totally an F'ed-up outcome for both families).
After what Brick did to the Brew Crew last week, it really makes ya wonder what's goin' on inside that boy's head (picture: a hamster running inside a squeaky wheel).
BY THE WAY, Buck and McCarver are "this close" (this close!) to receiving a lifetime ban at our La-Z-Boy lounge.
Buck is KILLING this nation every time a batter fouls off a pitch and he exclaims, "Good swing!" as though he's watching a Bobby Sox game in which his daughter, Jacqui Buck (we're guessing on the name), is playing.
McCarver -- having seemingly gone cold turkey on the Miss Clairol hair dyes -- hasn't picked up his level of play since he captivated America with his wacky, semi-coherent, top-of-the-9th, play-by-play two weeks ago in the Phillies' N.L. East-clinching W vs. the Nats.
It's one thing to dispense disinformation to America, but, it's another matter entirely to provide misinformation -- such as declaring Brick Myers' AB as the key to the first of the Fightin's 4-run rallies.
(Drumroll ... ) He's wrong.
It was the Carlos Ruiz AB after Greg Dobbs broke his bat and chunked that single to CF.
Chad Billingsley -- who nobody fears any more than we feared Barbara Billingsley as June Cleaver in the 1950s (or Barbara Billingsley speaking jive in "Airplane!") -- punched out 4 of the first 6 batters (destroying Dobbs' lumber in the process), needed to be smart (and able) vs. the .211-hitting catcher.
But, he grooved his pitch and Ruiz rifled that shot to LCF for the game-tying RBI double.
Re-construct the inning, Timmy.
The pitch that Brick lined to RF for his first hit was located well, but Brick "stepped in the bucket" and inside-outted one the other way -- a textbook example of how "sh*t happens."
Nevertheless, none of this sh*t which happened, however, explains why Dodjerk pitcher Joe Beimel (whoever he is) used his made-for-TV lineup intro to describe Billingsley as "Barney Rubble's stunt double."
It really makes ya wonder what 1987 Cy Young Award winner Steve Bedrosian (the Phillie nicknamed "Bedrock") thought of that Flintstone characterization.
Some things, it seems, are beyond our control -- such as when we go to commercial break and get either Randy Newman's "I Love L.A." or the theme from "Rocky."
No one has the guts or the imagination to fire up the track "Los Angeles" from the debut album by X entitled -- get this -- "Los Angeles" (it's significant now in the sense that it was released in 1980, the same year that the Phillies won their only world championship, etc, etc ... thankfully, people came to realize that while "Los Angeles" wasn't bad for a debut LP -- particularly the cut "Your Phone's Off The Hook, But You're Not" -- and even though the band's second album, "Wild Gift," received all of the critical acclaim, it was the third and fourth albums -- "Under The Big Black Sun" and "More Fun In The New World" which are probably the coolest ... seriously, "Blue Spark" and "The Hungry Wolf" are WAIT, WHERE WERE WE?
Ohh, right ... everybody with a value system is irritated by Elton John's "Philadelphia Freedom" ... and where the hell are FOX's football robots?
These are the types of questions which run through a Phillie phan's brain whilst he's wondering if the 8-2 lead will disintegrate into 15-14 or Black Friday.
If Blake hits that drive w/ Maddox or Dykstra in CF instead of Victorino, do they catch that ball? (answer: Probably not Maddox ... after all, he'll celebrate his 60th birthday next year ... his range has diminished ... ).
Does Rowand make that play?
Does Rowand knock in those 4 runs?
Less hypothetical in this Q&A is whether the Dodjerks will initiate some sort of a beanball war when the teams get to L.A. ... in retaliation for Myers throwing that pitch behind Manny.
It's such a non-story -- but, then again, it's important to protect one of the mighty apostles of The MLB.
Anyway, the ideal outcome for Game 2 woulda been for the Phils to take that 8-2 lead and mushroom it into something like 11-4 or 13-6, but, alas ... it's simply not in the Philly DNA.
It's difficult to believe that in the history of Phillies postseason baseball (this was the organization's 27th postseason win), the widest margin of victory was the 9-4 win in L.A. in Game 3 of the '78 NLCS (remember? the game in which Lefty tagged that 3-run homer off of Don Sutton?).
In playoff baseball, 10-1 wins are difficult to come by -- but you'da thunk there'd've been at least one 6-0 or an 8-1 win in there somewhere.
No worries.
Tonight, there was no Phillie meltdown, so, "yes" ... the process of avenging '77 and '78 is right on course.
The Phillies are in such good shape that they can make like Irwin Fletcher (the guy who writes the "Jane Doe" column for that L.A. newspaper) and, while standing in Chief Karlen's office, notice the photo of the Chief w/ the Dodger manager and remark, "You know Tommy Lasorda?" (pause ... angrily punch the photo, shattering the glass) "I hate Tommy Lasorda!"
Everybody does, Fletch ... everybody does ...
It's best to take that contempt and set it aside so that we may gulp down one or two In-N-Out Double Doubles w/ cheese -- burgers which are more-easily digested with a 2-games-to-none lead ...
Exene Cervenka sez, "John-neeee hit and run Pauleeeeene ... "
b
Friday, October 10, 2008
Thursday, October 09, 2008
PHILLIE Phlower Power
That was Manny's problem in his first-ever NLCS AB (post-ALCS ABs) -- he launched that missile to straightaway CF ... and when the ball hit that panel high above the 409 sign, Man-Ram missed by approx. one foot of drawing all that much closer to the all-time record of the projected 84, maybe 89, career homers that Lou Gehrig would've hit had he appeared in the 60 or 70 LDS and LCS that the kids have nowadays* (* -- and had Lou Gehrig not died of Lou Gehrig's Disease).
So, as it turned out, Manny's frighteningly-booming double off of Cole Hamels only registered as a two-base hit -- and not a ground-rule home run -- because Manny didn't pull the ball enough toward the seats located close to the flower bed atop the wall which extends from the 334-foot sign in LF (the LF foul pole is at the 329 mark) to the 384 sign in LCF.
Pat Burrell, on the other hand, DID find that flower bed -- and he accomplished the task by buggy-whipping Derek Lowe's final pitch of the night into a sea of extended arms (which weren't, at the time, whipping Fightin' Phillies rally towels) and gyrating bodies in Section 143, thus, snapping a 2-2 tie.
That's the lesson from tonight's 3-2, Game One win over the Dodjerks ... that The Cit is an allegedly "hitter-friendly" ballpark -- unless you're a hitter who is being treated in an unfriendly manner by Cole Hamels.
A lot of Americans felt as though Lowe was the big-game pitcher equipped to give L.A. the 1-games-to-none lead in Hamels' house, yet, there's almost always the sticky situation of "margin of error" to deal with.
Or the margin of E-6.
Which is what happened when Furcal gakked his throw on Victorino's tapper to SS.
Let's face it: That was a loud crowd at The Cit tonight, but it was a throng which had grown as quiet as a spring-training gathering -- until Chase Utley followed the Furcal E-6 with that jack into the RF seats unoccupied by arrangements of daffodils or chrysanthemums.
Two batters later, Burrell made as though he was teeing off on one of those Mitty Monarch pitchers who he used to victimize back in '94 and '95.
That's about all there was to this contest tonight, which was nailed down economically by Lidge.
Here's what America needs to decide, however: How much tonight's ballgame resembled Game 1 of the 1980 NLCS.
Other than the fact that 28 years ago, there were 65,000-plus, non-towel-waving diehards at The Vet and, tonight, there were 45,000-something enjoying the flora and fauna of The Cit, it was impossible not to notice how tonight felt like that game from yesteryear when the Astros' Ken Forsch took that 1-0 lead to the bottom of the 6th before The Bull went big-bang and parked one for a 2-1 lead.
Get it? Game-deciding homers by popular left-fielders from different generations who each played the outfield the way that a tractor might ...
Those were Luzinski's final days as a Phillie ...
These might be Burrell's final days as a Phillie ...
YUP ... the fallout from this Bull/Burrell mayhem is that, one day, we might be eating Pat's Pulled Pork sandwich.
Sorry ... those are not the only historical connectors between past n' present.
That Hall of Fame manager in the L.A. dugout -- who didn't seem so Cooperstownish when he was manager some really crappy Mets, Braves and Cards teams -- shoulda dusted off his history book.
That's because the last time that a Phillie outfielder homered in an NLCS playoff game against the Dodjerks, it was SIXTO LEZCANO who was goin' yard as tears of joy trickled down our cheeks.
While it may seem like a reach to refer to that unforgettable Sixto shot, there was one person in uniform tonight who remembers it well -- L.A. pitching coach Rick Honeycutt, the leftover from Grady Little's staff who served up that gopher ball 25 years ago.
Torre woulda been wise (after the Utley homer) to instruct Honeycutt to get the hell out there and settle down Lowe with an important trip down Memory Lane ... and how a kid named "Sixto" spoiled 1983 for a Dodjerk team which had beaten the Phils 11 out of 12 times during the regular season [in the obligatory Honeycutt sidebar: He'd gone 5-17 for Texas in '82, but then he was 14-8 for the Strangers and leading the A.L. with a 2.42 ERA when he was dealt to L.A. for little-known Dave Stewart, who didn't do jack for Texas or the Phils ... after beating the Phillies twice within six days (1 ER in 16 IP) in his first two Dodger starts (some of us remember listening to Honeycutt's Dodger debut while driving north outta L.A. on I-5 a week before an eventful fourth year of college), Honeycutt was awful thereafter in his final seven appearances (0-3, 9.40 ERA.)]
As long as we're connecting the dots, in that Game 1 from 28 years ago, Dallas Green pinch-hit for Lefty w/ two outs in the 7th, Maddox at second and the score still 2-1.
With Forsch still on the mound, Green had several options -- left-handed batters Del Unser (.316 as a PH in '80), Greg Gross (.256 as a PH) and rookie George Vukovich (.244 as a PH), not to mention right-handed rookie bats, Keith Moreland (.412 as a PH) and Lonnie Smith (.356 vs. righties).
Green opted for Gross, which, to most of us, would've seemed like the fourth-best option.
After Maddox swiped third, Gross singled him home for a 3-1 lead which gave Tugger a little more wiggle room.
Tonight, a similar pinch-hitting crisis arose when The Big Yokel (middle name: "Fuqua") -- followed Ruiz's leadoff single in the 7th by allowing So Taguchi to bat for Hamels.
We know what "the book" sez there ... Taguchi gettin' a bunt down vs. Maddux in that situation is a better option than Dobbs/Jenkins/Stairs gettin' all showboatish with one of those flamboyant flyouts.
And, maybe Manuel and Taguchi conversed about the strategy while speaking Japanese instead of reading aloud from the Benihana carry-out menu or bickering as to which of them played for the better Japanese League organization (Yakult Swallows! Orix Blue Wave!), but it just seems like ya <<< KNOCK IT OFF! >>>
No need to split hairs.
For all we know, the Big Yokel was seeking to neutralize L.A.'s #99 with his own #99.
What we'll probably never know is how many Phillies were in the clubhouse at quarter-past-7, watching Versus and fortifying their inner strength by watching the Stanley Cup-champion, banner-raising ceremony at Joe Louis Arena in Detroit (or if Taguchi asked Manuel in Japanese when the NHL will return to the policy of white sweaters for the home teams and dark sweaters on the road).
For those of us who can't decide whether we're next going to add a #51 FILPPULA Red Wings jersey (white, naturally) or a #51 RUIZ Phillies shirt (reminders for America: football/hockey players wear "a jersey"; baseball players wear "a uniform" ... and, McCarver, the catcher wears "a mitt"), we will always remain peeved/pissed when FOX allows Jeannie Zelasko to preside over the pre-game, in-studio slugfest between Mark Grace's almost-goat-tee and Kevin Kennedy's over-groomed Fu Manchu instead of gettin' us out to the field so that we may see the ceremonial first pitch performed by Gary Matthews and Garry Maddox.
Is FOX racist for pre-empting black guys being ceremonial just so America can obtain more white-boy facial growth?
We're not accusing ... just asking ...
Anyway, we've covered a lot of ground tonight and crunched a lot of numbers, but sometimes it's merely a mtter of exploring emotions.
In the past, there were many times when a Dodjerks loss felt better than a Phillies' victory (in the Schadenfreude context of matters).
But, now that we've reconciled our ambivalence and ambiguity, this much is certain: A Dodjerks loss tastes great when it's the direct result of a Phillie victory.
A powerful feeling indeed.
Suck on that, Lasorda ...
So, as it turned out, Manny's frighteningly-booming double off of Cole Hamels only registered as a two-base hit -- and not a ground-rule home run -- because Manny didn't pull the ball enough toward the seats located close to the flower bed atop the wall which extends from the 334-foot sign in LF (the LF foul pole is at the 329 mark) to the 384 sign in LCF.
Pat Burrell, on the other hand, DID find that flower bed -- and he accomplished the task by buggy-whipping Derek Lowe's final pitch of the night into a sea of extended arms (which weren't, at the time, whipping Fightin' Phillies rally towels) and gyrating bodies in Section 143, thus, snapping a 2-2 tie.
That's the lesson from tonight's 3-2, Game One win over the Dodjerks ... that The Cit is an allegedly "hitter-friendly" ballpark -- unless you're a hitter who is being treated in an unfriendly manner by Cole Hamels.
A lot of Americans felt as though Lowe was the big-game pitcher equipped to give L.A. the 1-games-to-none lead in Hamels' house, yet, there's almost always the sticky situation of "margin of error" to deal with.
Or the margin of E-6.
Which is what happened when Furcal gakked his throw on Victorino's tapper to SS.
Let's face it: That was a loud crowd at The Cit tonight, but it was a throng which had grown as quiet as a spring-training gathering -- until Chase Utley followed the Furcal E-6 with that jack into the RF seats unoccupied by arrangements of daffodils or chrysanthemums.
Two batters later, Burrell made as though he was teeing off on one of those Mitty Monarch pitchers who he used to victimize back in '94 and '95.
That's about all there was to this contest tonight, which was nailed down economically by Lidge.
Here's what America needs to decide, however: How much tonight's ballgame resembled Game 1 of the 1980 NLCS.
Other than the fact that 28 years ago, there were 65,000-plus, non-towel-waving diehards at The Vet and, tonight, there were 45,000-something enjoying the flora and fauna of The Cit, it was impossible not to notice how tonight felt like that game from yesteryear when the Astros' Ken Forsch took that 1-0 lead to the bottom of the 6th before The Bull went big-bang and parked one for a 2-1 lead.
Get it? Game-deciding homers by popular left-fielders from different generations who each played the outfield the way that a tractor might ...
Those were Luzinski's final days as a Phillie ...
These might be Burrell's final days as a Phillie ...
YUP ... the fallout from this Bull/Burrell mayhem is that, one day, we might be eating Pat's Pulled Pork sandwich.
Sorry ... those are not the only historical connectors between past n' present.
That Hall of Fame manager in the L.A. dugout -- who didn't seem so Cooperstownish when he was manager some really crappy Mets, Braves and Cards teams -- shoulda dusted off his history book.
That's because the last time that a Phillie outfielder homered in an NLCS playoff game against the Dodjerks, it was SIXTO LEZCANO who was goin' yard as tears of joy trickled down our cheeks.
While it may seem like a reach to refer to that unforgettable Sixto shot, there was one person in uniform tonight who remembers it well -- L.A. pitching coach Rick Honeycutt, the leftover from Grady Little's staff who served up that gopher ball 25 years ago.
Torre woulda been wise (after the Utley homer) to instruct Honeycutt to get the hell out there and settle down Lowe with an important trip down Memory Lane ... and how a kid named "Sixto" spoiled 1983 for a Dodjerk team which had beaten the Phils 11 out of 12 times during the regular season [in the obligatory Honeycutt sidebar: He'd gone 5-17 for Texas in '82, but then he was 14-8 for the Strangers and leading the A.L. with a 2.42 ERA when he was dealt to L.A. for little-known Dave Stewart, who didn't do jack for Texas or the Phils ... after beating the Phillies twice within six days (1 ER in 16 IP) in his first two Dodger starts (some of us remember listening to Honeycutt's Dodger debut while driving north outta L.A. on I-5 a week before an eventful fourth year of college), Honeycutt was awful thereafter in his final seven appearances (0-3, 9.40 ERA.)]
As long as we're connecting the dots, in that Game 1 from 28 years ago, Dallas Green pinch-hit for Lefty w/ two outs in the 7th, Maddox at second and the score still 2-1.
With Forsch still on the mound, Green had several options -- left-handed batters Del Unser (.316 as a PH in '80), Greg Gross (.256 as a PH) and rookie George Vukovich (.244 as a PH), not to mention right-handed rookie bats, Keith Moreland (.412 as a PH) and Lonnie Smith (.356 vs. righties).
Green opted for Gross, which, to most of us, would've seemed like the fourth-best option.
After Maddox swiped third, Gross singled him home for a 3-1 lead which gave Tugger a little more wiggle room.
Tonight, a similar pinch-hitting crisis arose when The Big Yokel (middle name: "Fuqua") -- followed Ruiz's leadoff single in the 7th by allowing So Taguchi to bat for Hamels.
We know what "the book" sez there ... Taguchi gettin' a bunt down vs. Maddux in that situation is a better option than Dobbs/Jenkins/Stairs gettin' all showboatish with one of those flamboyant flyouts.
And, maybe Manuel and Taguchi conversed about the strategy while speaking Japanese instead of reading aloud from the Benihana carry-out menu or bickering as to which of them played for the better Japanese League organization (Yakult Swallows! Orix Blue Wave!), but it just seems like ya <<< KNOCK IT OFF! >>>
No need to split hairs.
For all we know, the Big Yokel was seeking to neutralize L.A.'s #99 with his own #99.
What we'll probably never know is how many Phillies were in the clubhouse at quarter-past-7, watching Versus and fortifying their inner strength by watching the Stanley Cup-champion, banner-raising ceremony at Joe Louis Arena in Detroit (or if Taguchi asked Manuel in Japanese when the NHL will return to the policy of white sweaters for the home teams and dark sweaters on the road).
For those of us who can't decide whether we're next going to add a #51 FILPPULA Red Wings jersey (white, naturally) or a #51 RUIZ Phillies shirt (reminders for America: football/hockey players wear "a jersey"; baseball players wear "a uniform" ... and, McCarver, the catcher wears "a mitt"), we will always remain peeved/pissed when FOX allows Jeannie Zelasko to preside over the pre-game, in-studio slugfest between Mark Grace's almost-goat-tee and Kevin Kennedy's over-groomed Fu Manchu instead of gettin' us out to the field so that we may see the ceremonial first pitch performed by Gary Matthews and Garry Maddox.
Is FOX racist for pre-empting black guys being ceremonial just so America can obtain more white-boy facial growth?
We're not accusing ... just asking ...
Anyway, we've covered a lot of ground tonight and crunched a lot of numbers, but sometimes it's merely a mtter of exploring emotions.
In the past, there were many times when a Dodjerks loss felt better than a Phillies' victory (in the Schadenfreude context of matters).
But, now that we've reconciled our ambivalence and ambiguity, this much is certain: A Dodjerks loss tastes great when it's the direct result of a Phillie victory.
A powerful feeling indeed.
Suck on that, Lasorda ...
b
Sunday, October 05, 2008
Phillie/Steeler Crossfire (Wild Card Champs!)
The bullets were really flyin' yesterday (Sat.) during the latest in the crossfire conflict -- and the wardrobe got its usual workout.
Afternoon: Sooners t-shirt (for that huge tussle at Baylor) ...
Evening: Phillie pullover hoodie (for an NLDS loss which didn't hold our attention for very long) ....
Today? Well, it was a Sabathia-less Sabbath ... and there were smoother transitions with more-satisfying results.
Daytime: Red Phils cap (eventually, 7-1/2 will yield to 7-5/8 ... maybe) for Game 4 of the NLDS ...
Nighttime: Bright yellow sweat pants as a complement to the gray t-shirt w/ authentic Steelers logo for the comeback W vs. the Jags ...
It's NOT the emotional roller coaster which the media makes it out to be, here at the La-Z-Boy Lounge -- 'cuz we don't get swept up in the raw emotion of Big Ben's last-minute TD pass to Hines Ward any more than we do when Pat The Bat unleashes his lifetime .257 fury w/ 2 homers which clinch the wild-card pennant for the Fightin's.
We're not gonna waste our time twirlin' the Fightin' Phillie Rally Towel or this Terrible Towel which is a real one from the 1970s -- 'cuz there's that Red Wings rally towel draped over the chair nearby ... and THAT towel saw actual game action at The Joe during the Stanley Cup run of Apr./May/June.
So, there ...
We will, though, give high marks to Big Ben for the manner in which he overcame his encounter with Steeler nemesis Rashean Mathis (the CB who had that INT TD in OT against Tommy Maddox -- subbing for Big Ben -- during the Super Bowl season three years ago ... the same Rashean Mathis who had that INT TD in the wild-card playoffs last year, helping the Jags to become the first team ever to beat the Steelers twice in Pittsburgh in the same season ... the same Rashean Mathis who messed up Pittsburgh's first possession tonight with that INT TD of that horrible-lookin' Big Ben aerial ... ), not to mention Big Ben's two huge completions during the game-winning drive when he had Jags manhandling him ...
It's almost unfathomable that the Steel Town lads are going into the bye week w/ a 4-1 record, given the shitload of injuries.
Yet, Big Ben was only one half of the B&B equation today ... the nightcap portion of the fun we had once Burrell n' Blanton were done Brewer bashin'.
Nope ... there weren't any of Bambi's Bombers in sight (the nickname for George Bamberger's Brew Crew after Harvey Kuenn passed the torch from his squad of Harvey's Wallbangers).
Once ya learn that they built County Stadium on your dad's high school (football) practice field -- after he tells ya that he played some summer ball with Harvey Kuenn in Wisconsin -- well, it stirs up the juices.
Of course, if this were 10 years ago, the Phillies might've had Billy Brewer on the mound while Bernie Brewer was preparing to shimmy down his slide, etc ...
Today? No Billy Brewer vs. Bernie Brewer.
Which is a good thing -- 'cuz Joe Blanton was dealin' out there on the hill.
This we find amusing ... because when the trade deadline rolled around and the Brewers acquired Sabathia and the Cubs landed Rich Harden, people were chuckling when the only person that Philly could reel in to offset those transactions was Blanton, owner of a 5-12 record for the A's.
At the time, it appeared as though the Phils ended up with the booby prize -- but, as it turned out, it was more like a booby trap for opposing N.L. batsmen.
It's a curious thing when we consider how Joe Blanton differs from Sabathia (who's the size of a condo) and Harden (who has that traditional, lean pitcher's physique -- when he's not displaying a delicate-flower/on-the-D.L.-again physique) in the sense that he has the body type which reminds us of a young Bob Vance (before Bob Vance rose to power as "Bob Vance of Bob Vance Refrigeration").
And, despite his rooster-crown hairdo and that zany chin-scruff, Joe's quickly ascending to new levels of popularity in his personal growth -- such as achieving the rank of our all-time No. 2 fave #56 Phillie (behind Geoff Geary ... "a moment of silence, please") and our all-time #2 Phillie Named Joe (right behind Joe Table, but ahead of Joe Boever and epic mound disaster Joe Cowley).
Joe Blanton didn't back into the upper echelon of #56s and Phillies Named Joe. He earned it by going 4-0 in his 13 Phillie starts (yup ... 9 no-decisions) ... and, today, well ... he was as filthy as Cole Hamels was four days earlier.
We didn't play super-close attention to today's game (in fact, the highlight of the game was when the final lawn-mowing of '08 was wrapping up ... and the Mrs. emerged from the house -- bald as she was, as a breast cancer survivor during this, Breast Cancer Awareness Month -- and pantomimed Burrell's 3-run shot which made the score 4-0).
When we did tune in, though, we witnessed Joey Blants w/ complete command of his every pitch (including the rarely-thrown "widow-maker").
Joey Blants completely crossed up those young sluggers and contact hitters for The Crew -- and, because of Joey Blants, there's no need for a Game 5 at The Cit w/ Black Sabathia pitching with "normal rest."
Not that anyone was THAT worried.
Still, it's handy when Rollins is leadin' off the game w/ a big fly ... and Burrell is knockin' the thunder stix outta people's hands by hittin' two rockets into the seats ... and Jayson Werth is sending one over the fence (before he hits a roof-scraping pop-up that hit either a girder or a cable or Cory Lidle's low-flying plane before the ball comes to rest in the glove of a sprawled-on-the-ground Craig Counsell).
SO, THE BREWERS ARE NOW IN THE REAR VIEW MIRROR ... and we're kinda/sorta gonna miss them and their Yost/Sveum issues. After all, WE WERE THERE at that Sunday game at The Vet on Fourth of July Weekend 10 years ago ... when Philadelphia and Milwaukee were meetin' for the first time since the Braves final season (1965) before movin' to The A-T-L ... for the first time since Ray Culp outdueled Wade Blasingame in that Sept. rainout make-up game which drew 812 Wisconsinites which had nuthin' else to do on that Monday.
That '65 game remains a lot less vivid than the '98 game ... the one where we were settling into our seats and Scotty Rolen was jacking that 3-run job against Cal Eldred in the first inning.
What transpired today, well ... sometimes ya just wanna phone up Rolen and boo him and then tell him about how Burrell hit those two homers because, rather than talk about winning, Pat's more inclined to put the team on his back and take matters into his own hands.
Which is pretty much what we figure Pat The Bat will do in the NLCS vs. L.A.
This series against the Dodjerks should be fascinating since it's the first meeting in the postseason for these rivals in the corridor from our past of 25-30 years ago since the night in '83 when Sarge n' Sixto blasted those homers which clinched the N.L. flag.
On top of that, the timing is exquisite for this Phil./L.A. matchup since it's kids that we see wearing uniforms of those teams as Jimmy Rollins oversees matters in those TV ads for R.B.I. (Reviving Baseball in the Inner-City).
Unless the red n' blue is supposed to represent the Bloods n' the Crips.
Merry Cripmas, anybody?
First things first: We know that everyone's ga-ga about what Manny's doin' lately, etc ... -- but, fact is, in those 4 games vs. the Phils in L.A., Man-Ram was 4 for 11 w/ a homer, a double, two walks, 4 intentional walks and 3 strikeouts.
Good ... but not otherworldly.
And, during the Phils 4-game sweep of L.A. at The Cit, Man-Ram was 2 of 14 w/ 3 BBs and 4 SO.
That's it?
Okay ... there was that 1 for 8 (w a GIDP) for Red Sock Manny in mid-June, so ... is .212 supposed to be what we're afraid of?
Hmmmm ... with stats like those, Manny might actually receive more boos from the Phillie crowd than Rolen used to hear.
That's a very big mayyyy-beeee.
Now we're gonna see if 45,000 at The Cit can put together a "Mannn-neee, Mannn-neee" chant the way that 63,000 at The Vet never could for "Dairrrr-rullll, Dairrrr-rulllll ... "
b
Afternoon: Sooners t-shirt (for that huge tussle at Baylor) ...
Evening: Phillie pullover hoodie (for an NLDS loss which didn't hold our attention for very long) ....
Today? Well, it was a Sabathia-less Sabbath ... and there were smoother transitions with more-satisfying results.
Daytime: Red Phils cap (eventually, 7-1/2 will yield to 7-5/8 ... maybe) for Game 4 of the NLDS ...
Nighttime: Bright yellow sweat pants as a complement to the gray t-shirt w/ authentic Steelers logo for the comeback W vs. the Jags ...
It's NOT the emotional roller coaster which the media makes it out to be, here at the La-Z-Boy Lounge -- 'cuz we don't get swept up in the raw emotion of Big Ben's last-minute TD pass to Hines Ward any more than we do when Pat The Bat unleashes his lifetime .257 fury w/ 2 homers which clinch the wild-card pennant for the Fightin's.
We're not gonna waste our time twirlin' the Fightin' Phillie Rally Towel or this Terrible Towel which is a real one from the 1970s -- 'cuz there's that Red Wings rally towel draped over the chair nearby ... and THAT towel saw actual game action at The Joe during the Stanley Cup run of Apr./May/June.
So, there ...
We will, though, give high marks to Big Ben for the manner in which he overcame his encounter with Steeler nemesis Rashean Mathis (the CB who had that INT TD in OT against Tommy Maddox -- subbing for Big Ben -- during the Super Bowl season three years ago ... the same Rashean Mathis who had that INT TD in the wild-card playoffs last year, helping the Jags to become the first team ever to beat the Steelers twice in Pittsburgh in the same season ... the same Rashean Mathis who messed up Pittsburgh's first possession tonight with that INT TD of that horrible-lookin' Big Ben aerial ... ), not to mention Big Ben's two huge completions during the game-winning drive when he had Jags manhandling him ...
It's almost unfathomable that the Steel Town lads are going into the bye week w/ a 4-1 record, given the shitload of injuries.
Yet, Big Ben was only one half of the B&B equation today ... the nightcap portion of the fun we had once Burrell n' Blanton were done Brewer bashin'.
Nope ... there weren't any of Bambi's Bombers in sight (the nickname for George Bamberger's Brew Crew after Harvey Kuenn passed the torch from his squad of Harvey's Wallbangers).
Once ya learn that they built County Stadium on your dad's high school (football) practice field -- after he tells ya that he played some summer ball with Harvey Kuenn in Wisconsin -- well, it stirs up the juices.
Of course, if this were 10 years ago, the Phillies might've had Billy Brewer on the mound while Bernie Brewer was preparing to shimmy down his slide, etc ...
Today? No Billy Brewer vs. Bernie Brewer.
Which is a good thing -- 'cuz Joe Blanton was dealin' out there on the hill.
This we find amusing ... because when the trade deadline rolled around and the Brewers acquired Sabathia and the Cubs landed Rich Harden, people were chuckling when the only person that Philly could reel in to offset those transactions was Blanton, owner of a 5-12 record for the A's.
At the time, it appeared as though the Phils ended up with the booby prize -- but, as it turned out, it was more like a booby trap for opposing N.L. batsmen.
It's a curious thing when we consider how Joe Blanton differs from Sabathia (who's the size of a condo) and Harden (who has that traditional, lean pitcher's physique -- when he's not displaying a delicate-flower/on-the-D.L.-again physique) in the sense that he has the body type which reminds us of a young Bob Vance (before Bob Vance rose to power as "Bob Vance of Bob Vance Refrigeration").
And, despite his rooster-crown hairdo and that zany chin-scruff, Joe's quickly ascending to new levels of popularity in his personal growth -- such as achieving the rank of our all-time No. 2 fave #56 Phillie (behind Geoff Geary ... "a moment of silence, please") and our all-time #2 Phillie Named Joe (right behind Joe Table, but ahead of Joe Boever and epic mound disaster Joe Cowley).
Joe Blanton didn't back into the upper echelon of #56s and Phillies Named Joe. He earned it by going 4-0 in his 13 Phillie starts (yup ... 9 no-decisions) ... and, today, well ... he was as filthy as Cole Hamels was four days earlier.
We didn't play super-close attention to today's game (in fact, the highlight of the game was when the final lawn-mowing of '08 was wrapping up ... and the Mrs. emerged from the house -- bald as she was, as a breast cancer survivor during this, Breast Cancer Awareness Month -- and pantomimed Burrell's 3-run shot which made the score 4-0).
When we did tune in, though, we witnessed Joey Blants w/ complete command of his every pitch (including the rarely-thrown "widow-maker").
Joey Blants completely crossed up those young sluggers and contact hitters for The Crew -- and, because of Joey Blants, there's no need for a Game 5 at The Cit w/ Black Sabathia pitching with "normal rest."
Not that anyone was THAT worried.
Still, it's handy when Rollins is leadin' off the game w/ a big fly ... and Burrell is knockin' the thunder stix outta people's hands by hittin' two rockets into the seats ... and Jayson Werth is sending one over the fence (before he hits a roof-scraping pop-up that hit either a girder or a cable or Cory Lidle's low-flying plane before the ball comes to rest in the glove of a sprawled-on-the-ground Craig Counsell).
SO, THE BREWERS ARE NOW IN THE REAR VIEW MIRROR ... and we're kinda/sorta gonna miss them and their Yost/Sveum issues. After all, WE WERE THERE at that Sunday game at The Vet on Fourth of July Weekend 10 years ago ... when Philadelphia and Milwaukee were meetin' for the first time since the Braves final season (1965) before movin' to The A-T-L ... for the first time since Ray Culp outdueled Wade Blasingame in that Sept. rainout make-up game which drew 812 Wisconsinites which had nuthin' else to do on that Monday.
That '65 game remains a lot less vivid than the '98 game ... the one where we were settling into our seats and Scotty Rolen was jacking that 3-run job against Cal Eldred in the first inning.
What transpired today, well ... sometimes ya just wanna phone up Rolen and boo him and then tell him about how Burrell hit those two homers because, rather than talk about winning, Pat's more inclined to put the team on his back and take matters into his own hands.
Which is pretty much what we figure Pat The Bat will do in the NLCS vs. L.A.
This series against the Dodjerks should be fascinating since it's the first meeting in the postseason for these rivals in the corridor from our past of 25-30 years ago since the night in '83 when Sarge n' Sixto blasted those homers which clinched the N.L. flag.
On top of that, the timing is exquisite for this Phil./L.A. matchup since it's kids that we see wearing uniforms of those teams as Jimmy Rollins oversees matters in those TV ads for R.B.I. (Reviving Baseball in the Inner-City).
Unless the red n' blue is supposed to represent the Bloods n' the Crips.
Merry Cripmas, anybody?
First things first: We know that everyone's ga-ga about what Manny's doin' lately, etc ... -- but, fact is, in those 4 games vs. the Phils in L.A., Man-Ram was 4 for 11 w/ a homer, a double, two walks, 4 intentional walks and 3 strikeouts.
Good ... but not otherworldly.
And, during the Phils 4-game sweep of L.A. at The Cit, Man-Ram was 2 of 14 w/ 3 BBs and 4 SO.
That's it?
Okay ... there was that 1 for 8 (w a GIDP) for Red Sock Manny in mid-June, so ... is .212 supposed to be what we're afraid of?
Hmmmm ... with stats like those, Manny might actually receive more boos from the Phillie crowd than Rolen used to hear.
That's a very big mayyyy-beeee.
Now we're gonna see if 45,000 at The Cit can put together a "Mannn-neee, Mannn-neee" chant the way that 63,000 at The Vet never could for "Dairrrr-rullll, Dairrrr-rulllll ... "
b
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Unprecedented 4-Way Overlap
It's a pity when the Steelers mess up and the only thing within arm's reach to throw at the Tommy Maddox bobblehead (which the Mrs. bought for $1.00 on-line) is the soft, 5-inch-tall Phillie Phanatic plush toy.
Yet, such an exercise provides us with another opportunity to re-acquaint ourselves with another Law Of The Jungle once our favorite teams criss-cross, overlap and/or intersect.
George Constanza would have us believe that these are test cases of "when worlds collide" -- i.e. "if Relationship George walks through that door right now, he will KILL Independent George!"
In the arena of fandom, though, it just doesn't feel like a "collision" -- mostly because, deep inside, the Inner Phillie finds a way to co-exist peacefully with the Inner Steeler ... as they've done for 35 yrs. or so.
Not that there's never any conflict, but Inner Phillie realizes that Inner Steeler has his own problems -- and vice versa..
And everybody understands that the gravitational pull which governs the constant shuttling between the Phillie Universe the Steeler Solar System is part of the natural process -- just as it is expected that the Phillie Planet and Steeler Planet will frequently exceed their traditional orbits and innocently trespass into the Red Wing Galaxy.
But, there's no "collisions" ... no meteors colliding with comets or anything like that.
Y'see. a "collision" is what happens when you're in your 20s and something Elizabethan stops by on a Tues. nite and then gets herself appropriately and sufficiently nailed 'til somewhere near midnight and then she sez she has to scoot 'cuz she's gotta work in the morning, which is cool 'cuz you don't have to work 'til noon and you didn't want sleep-over entanglements anyway ... which makes for a tidy arrangement with a satisfaction quotient which increases exponentially shortly after sunrise the very next morning when The Girlfriend -- who you didn't care if she remained The Girlfriend 12 hrs. earlier -- stops by on her way to work and talks her way into a robust a.m. romp.
Now, THOSE were "collisions" -- with bodies assuming the bang, errrr ... crash position ... the type of not-so-wholesome contact which makes ya chuckle and shake yer head ... unlike the collision with actual human collateral damage from Super Bowl XIX Eve when you went to that party w/ The Girlfriend (who you don't care if she remains The Girlfriend or not) ... only Neecey had her own agenda and masterminded a rendezvous whereupon she unleashed so much of her carpet-doesn't-match-curtains fury in what was probably inner-thigh payback for what transpired 15 mos. earlier when she couldn't outperform, in an actual girlfriend genre, the Leonia Lolita (Elizabeth II in this Elizabethan paradigm).
It was messy -- and not altogether as calculated as when the two gals were seated across from George at the coffee shop and he sprang up from his seat and exclaimed, "Caught in my own web of lies!"
What a glorious bygone era of miscommunication and conflict ... mornings filled with remorse and guilt when you could wake up after a non-prophylactic tryst, wolf down a few smokes and squash the butts in the ash tray on HER nightstand ... then roll on out 'round 9, grab some Hostess Donuts, a Pepsi and the Sporting Green and then mentally prepare for the Steeler game set to kick off at 10.
To be viewed alone.
A solitary venture ... so that Hardcore Donnie Shell Fan doesn't "intersect" (or get caught in the crossfire) with the Inner-Thigh Pleaser.
It would be years before we'd see George demonstrate that, in bed, a pastrami sandwich, spicy mustard and a Watchman TV is not the path to success.
Her: "George, what are you doing?"
George: "Pleasuring you?"
Shoulda gone with corned beef, Sport ...
Funny how 3 mos. before the CL/DC dust-up, it was the Steelers who provided the only blemish on the Niners' 18-1 season -- and some of us missed most of that 20-17 ballgame because Horny Chick walked through that door right then and KILLED Steeler Fan Guy (although during the let's-get-dressed/jeez-your-hair's-quite-tossled aftermath, we did see LB Bryan Hinkle's late INT of Montana which set up the game-deciding FG, so maybe it wasn't a total loss ... ).
It seemed so wrong that while Bryan Hinkle was playin' his tail off, some of us could only concern ourselves with gettin' some tail.
It was a real disservice for a guy who spent those 14 years (1980-1993) spillin' black-n'-gold blood as one of the most-forgotten LBs in Steeler history.
For many of us, though, Bryan Hinkle will always remain our No. 1 fave #53 LB (ahead of Dirt Winston and Clark Hagans), even though we didn't necessarily offer our undivided attention on that particular October Sunday.
Only a year earlier, zero gravity and the G-force were extended to the limit when what occurred during the SJSU-Oregon postgame show inside the Impala had a backlash effect on World Series Games 3 and 5 which were never watched live because, ummm ... because Inner Spartan actually DID kill Inner Phillie.
Kawl WILL buyya a beeya ...
The ability to recollect with such whimsy is a plus -- but, then again, "overlap" is behavior we've known since we went from the era of 6th-period Algebra II to after-school, 3-on-3 on the 8-foot baskets to the grown-up overlap of leavin' the cubicle a little untidy at 5:02 because first pitch is scheduled for 6:00 at Centennial.
Even better when you put on your softball shorts at lunchtime and nobody realizes that they're on under your khakis ...
Although overlap participation oftentimes diminishes thru the years, that doesn't make the involvement any less-complex.
There's no time for distraction now -- especially THIS WEEK when the stakes are mighty high for the Fightin' (sometimes Frickin') Phils, the New Steel Curtain, the Sooner Schooner and Hockeytown, which have, somehow, managed to provide unparalleled sensory overload by simultaneously bringing their issues to this 4-way stop.
Actually, it's probably more like one of those freeway cloverleafs because: tomorrow, it all begins with the Phils in a Sunday matinee, needing a victory in Milwaukee to win the NLDS and advance to the NLCS vs. the Dodjerks (thus avoiding a Game 5, which would be at The Cit).
After that, the Sun. prime-timer features the Steel City fellers lookin' to win in Fla. vs. the Jags and "his-name's-Del-Rio-and-he-dances-on-the-sand ..." -- a "W" gets Blitzburgh to the bye week with a difficult-to-understand (given the injuries) 4-1 record.
Following a breather, it'll be Philly-L.A. renewing their 1970s NLCS rivalry in Game 1 Thurs. at The Cit ... one hour after the Stanley Cup champion Detroit Red Wings raise the banner to the rafters in Hockeytown.
It's in the day planner in our brain:
We're at The Joe at 7, The Cit at 8 ...
Of course, all of this serves as a prelude to that massive (almost Biblical) Saturday slugfest betwixt the Sooners n' the Longhorns at the Cotton Bowl (featuring those gunslingin' QBs, Bradford & McCoy) in the game once called the Red River Shootout (which has been modified in PC fashion to be known as the Red River Expression of Sportsmanship & Fair Play).
It's a 7-day headrush -- and it'll be a chore switching from the RUIZ 51 shirt to the FARRIOR 51 jersey to the FILPPULA 51 sweater, back to the RUIZ 51 shirt (remember ... baseball players wear a "uniform," not a jersey) and then into the LEPAK 51 jersey.
Wait a second ... who the frick is Brian Lepak?
Sure ... he wears #51 for OU, but who is he really?
Do we know?
Does he?
Some of us don't need to shell out upwards of $1,000 total to validate our allegiances with four current #51 shirts/jerseys/sweaters -- besides, it's a little creepy (or cheesy) to wear the name and numerals of a current player.
In fact, there's a good argument to be made for the fact that it's dangerous having those garments around the house.
The last thing any guy needs is his spouse/steady/tonight's date layin' on the comforter wearin' nuthin' but a thong (or bikini briefs, depending on her state of shyness/sluttiness) and the game-day jersey knotted in the front.
Knotted because it's too long and it's obstructing the frontal view of the thong ...
The thong, of course, obstructing the view of the nummies ...
Erotica and jerseys aside, there's simply too many names, numbers to choose from -- and ya absolutely cannot go modern unless ya wanna look really queer.
The loudest statement is made by those who are ballsy enough to go vintage old-school w/ a SLOCUMB 51 or a HINKLE 53 or a CHEVELDAE 32 or an UNSER 25 or a FUAMATU-MA'AFALA 45.
'Round here, the only big plans involve replacing the white SOONERS 20 Nike XXL jersey (which has no name on the back -- 'cuz whose 20 would it be, anyway? Billy Sims or Rocky Calmus?) with a crimson SOONERS 4 Nike size 56 jersey.
This acquisition will be completed in order to re-connect with the OU stars which we grew up with -- Elvis Peacock in the '70s and Jamelle Holieway in the '80s, both of whom donned #4, of course.
Also ... the white Wisconsin #7 Adidas jersey (triple-X) has struggled to make friends in the closet with the old Red Wings (no number) sweater by Starter and the releatively-new Sabres (no number) sweater ('70s retro version by CCM).
Pops went to Wisconsin ...
Pops was a Badger ...
(And, it's nice havin' no name on the back 'cuz someone might think #7 is for QB Jon Stocco, rather than #7 SS Ryan Aiello ... )
The jersey situation illustrates why nobody is allowed 'round this place to assist with the support-group duties for the Steelers/Phils/Sooners/Red Wings.
It's probably because each occasion is a test ... much more lifelike and non-lame than the Baltimore Colts exam which Eddie prepared for his fiancee in "Diner."
The "pop-quiz" method 'round here is so less-arbitrary ... y'know, like when you're sittin' there in your red Phillies cap which matches your Red Wings jersey and you're watchin' Lendy Holmes play safety for the Sooners and you say to your wishes-he-was-an-OU-fan guest, "Kinda reminds ya of when Jack Mildren was back there roamin' the secondary for the Sonners, doesn't it?" -- and, by the time he's nodding in agreement w/ some sorta half-assed, right-on-my-white-brother and askin' for another Tuborg Gold, you're already punching him in the face with SuperDawg's NylaBone (because the 1-Dollar Tommy Maddox bobblehead is on the other side of the room) as you scream each time fist collides with flesh and bone -- "Show! Some! Fucking! Respect! Jack Mildren was the QB who ran the wishbone offense for Chuck Fairbanks, dickwad! Mildren didn't play safety 'til he got to the NFL! And then he went and died from stomach cancer last May. HE! WAS! ONLY! FIFTY! EIGHT! That's TOO! FUCKING! YOUNG!"
By the time that you notice the blood splatters all over the living-room carpet, you give your victim one last chance to save his own life by answering who wore #11 when he was startin' at safety for the '00 national champion Sooners.
J.T. Thatcher is a lousy guess, even if the vic (you're the perp) impresses you by using his final breath, before slipping into unconsciousness, to remark that J.T. Thatcher won the Mosi Tatupu Award in '00 as the nation's top special-teams player.
It's a pity when that slain body is rotting at the nearest landfill and you realize how unfortunate it was that somebody had to die because he didn't know that Ontei Jones was the player who wore #11 for the '00 Sooners.
Even if he'd had three guesses, you realize that he was gonna say Rickey Dixon or Brodney Pool before he'd come up with the name Ontei Jones.
And, if he'd tried to get cute by BlackBerry-ing a Wikipedia-based reply, he'd've come up empty there, too, because, sometimes, the know-it-alls don't know that they've listed Ontei Jones as #42 (freshman QB Hunter Wall is #11, apparently) and there are no links to forsee that '00 frosh LB Teddy Lehman #54 will be wearing #11 in '01, '02 and as a Butkus Award and Bednarik Award winner in '03.
Chris Weinke ... now THAT guy remembers Ontei Jones.
So, the games get enjoyed here at the La-Z-Boy Lounge rather than at a Dave N' Buster's because, well, sometimes ya just wanna soak it all in from a recliner rather than feeling inclined to beat somebody to death with either a ketchup bottle or a salt shaker during the Steelers game simply because when CBS showed RB Gary Russell #33 on the screen your "new Steeler pal" couldn't name either Frenchy Fuqua, Merril Hoge or Bam Morris as RBs who wore #33.
And, from the solitude of this recliner, it's a guilt-free crossfire when it's time to re-sort and re-alphabetize approx. 2,700 Philadelphia Phillies trading cards during the Pittsburgh Steelers' AFC playoff game against the heavily-favored Colts.
Then again, the crossfire gets a little gnarly when you're kinda/sorta paying attention and ya hear that Larry Foote made the tackle as you're holding a card of Barry Foote.
Larry Foote and Barry Foote ... you'll know the difference once you hear Larry Foote tellin' America that he's one of the "Detroit Pershing Doughboys."
Larry Foote's a better "hitter" than Barry Foote, anyway.
So, yeah ... the crossfire never leaves us -- and we fight the urge to phone the ex-fiancee and inform her that, during our 7-plus years together, the Big 4 didn't do squat in terms of championships (0-28, plus 0-5 in the Chandler NCAA b-ball brackets).
Yet, in 16 yrs. w/ the Mrs., grand prizes have been plentiful (Sooners '00, Steelers '05, Red Wing Cups in '97, '98, '02 and now '08 ... an enjoyable Phillies World Series season in '93 -- and maybe a new chapter now -- and NCAA bracketeering championships in '97 and '06).
There's no escaping the overlap, be it the Steelers pissin' us off by switching to black shoes during that one season in '97 or '98 or whichever it was and then the Sooners doin' the same thing, first in the early '90s under Gary Gibbs and then w/ Stoops in a few years back (when Jason White was throwin' all those black-shoed passes to black-shoed receivers).
Thank goodness Big Ben and Big Bad Bradford are in white cleats and pitchin' passes to receivers in white cleats.
So, if it's true that living well is the best revenge, then it's probably not worth re-visiting '86 when the Phils were repeatedly pimp-slappin' the Mutts despite the great distance in the standings combined with the fact that Sorority Girlfriend was 500 miles away, messin' 'round with that jerk-off 'cuz, what the hell, 16-year-old Patty from Hacienda Heights and those toned sticks that she did her outside-hitting/middle-blocking with, yowzuh ...
The Overlap is a sanctuary now ... a no-fly zone w/o the crossfire of wunderin' who's pitchin' for the Phils tonight while you're inside her blouse and makin' the quick, one-handed unclasp.
For the record: That Tommy Maddox bobblehead ... part of the Forever Collectibles' Legends of "The Field" series ... this one is No. 4,858 or 5,000.
Until it gets shattered into a hundred pieces during the next Steelers disappointment ...
b
Yet, such an exercise provides us with another opportunity to re-acquaint ourselves with another Law Of The Jungle once our favorite teams criss-cross, overlap and/or intersect.
George Constanza would have us believe that these are test cases of "when worlds collide" -- i.e. "if Relationship George walks through that door right now, he will KILL Independent George!"
In the arena of fandom, though, it just doesn't feel like a "collision" -- mostly because, deep inside, the Inner Phillie finds a way to co-exist peacefully with the Inner Steeler ... as they've done for 35 yrs. or so.
Not that there's never any conflict, but Inner Phillie realizes that Inner Steeler has his own problems -- and vice versa..
And everybody understands that the gravitational pull which governs the constant shuttling between the Phillie Universe the Steeler Solar System is part of the natural process -- just as it is expected that the Phillie Planet and Steeler Planet will frequently exceed their traditional orbits and innocently trespass into the Red Wing Galaxy.
But, there's no "collisions" ... no meteors colliding with comets or anything like that.
Y'see. a "collision" is what happens when you're in your 20s and something Elizabethan stops by on a Tues. nite and then gets herself appropriately and sufficiently nailed 'til somewhere near midnight and then she sez she has to scoot 'cuz she's gotta work in the morning, which is cool 'cuz you don't have to work 'til noon and you didn't want sleep-over entanglements anyway ... which makes for a tidy arrangement with a satisfaction quotient which increases exponentially shortly after sunrise the very next morning when The Girlfriend -- who you didn't care if she remained The Girlfriend 12 hrs. earlier -- stops by on her way to work and talks her way into a robust a.m. romp.
Now, THOSE were "collisions" -- with bodies assuming the bang, errrr ... crash position ... the type of not-so-wholesome contact which makes ya chuckle and shake yer head ... unlike the collision with actual human collateral damage from Super Bowl XIX Eve when you went to that party w/ The Girlfriend (who you don't care if she remains The Girlfriend or not) ... only Neecey had her own agenda and masterminded a rendezvous whereupon she unleashed so much of her carpet-doesn't-match-curtains fury in what was probably inner-thigh payback for what transpired 15 mos. earlier when she couldn't outperform, in an actual girlfriend genre, the Leonia Lolita (Elizabeth II in this Elizabethan paradigm).
It was messy -- and not altogether as calculated as when the two gals were seated across from George at the coffee shop and he sprang up from his seat and exclaimed, "Caught in my own web of lies!"
What a glorious bygone era of miscommunication and conflict ... mornings filled with remorse and guilt when you could wake up after a non-prophylactic tryst, wolf down a few smokes and squash the butts in the ash tray on HER nightstand ... then roll on out 'round 9, grab some Hostess Donuts, a Pepsi and the Sporting Green and then mentally prepare for the Steeler game set to kick off at 10.
To be viewed alone.
A solitary venture ... so that Hardcore Donnie Shell Fan doesn't "intersect" (or get caught in the crossfire) with the Inner-Thigh Pleaser.
It would be years before we'd see George demonstrate that, in bed, a pastrami sandwich, spicy mustard and a Watchman TV is not the path to success.
Her: "George, what are you doing?"
George: "Pleasuring you?"
Shoulda gone with corned beef, Sport ...
Funny how 3 mos. before the CL/DC dust-up, it was the Steelers who provided the only blemish on the Niners' 18-1 season -- and some of us missed most of that 20-17 ballgame because Horny Chick walked through that door right then and KILLED Steeler Fan Guy (although during the let's-get-dressed/jeez-your-hair's-quite-tossled aftermath, we did see LB Bryan Hinkle's late INT of Montana which set up the game-deciding FG, so maybe it wasn't a total loss ... ).
It seemed so wrong that while Bryan Hinkle was playin' his tail off, some of us could only concern ourselves with gettin' some tail.
It was a real disservice for a guy who spent those 14 years (1980-1993) spillin' black-n'-gold blood as one of the most-forgotten LBs in Steeler history.
For many of us, though, Bryan Hinkle will always remain our No. 1 fave #53 LB (ahead of Dirt Winston and Clark Hagans), even though we didn't necessarily offer our undivided attention on that particular October Sunday.
Only a year earlier, zero gravity and the G-force were extended to the limit when what occurred during the SJSU-Oregon postgame show inside the Impala had a backlash effect on World Series Games 3 and 5 which were never watched live because, ummm ... because Inner Spartan actually DID kill Inner Phillie.
Kawl WILL buyya a beeya ...
The ability to recollect with such whimsy is a plus -- but, then again, "overlap" is behavior we've known since we went from the era of 6th-period Algebra II to after-school, 3-on-3 on the 8-foot baskets to the grown-up overlap of leavin' the cubicle a little untidy at 5:02 because first pitch is scheduled for 6:00 at Centennial.
Even better when you put on your softball shorts at lunchtime and nobody realizes that they're on under your khakis ...
Although overlap participation oftentimes diminishes thru the years, that doesn't make the involvement any less-complex.
There's no time for distraction now -- especially THIS WEEK when the stakes are mighty high for the Fightin' (sometimes Frickin') Phils, the New Steel Curtain, the Sooner Schooner and Hockeytown, which have, somehow, managed to provide unparalleled sensory overload by simultaneously bringing their issues to this 4-way stop.
Actually, it's probably more like one of those freeway cloverleafs because: tomorrow, it all begins with the Phils in a Sunday matinee, needing a victory in Milwaukee to win the NLDS and advance to the NLCS vs. the Dodjerks (thus avoiding a Game 5, which would be at The Cit).
After that, the Sun. prime-timer features the Steel City fellers lookin' to win in Fla. vs. the Jags and "his-name's-Del-Rio-and-he-dances-on-the-sand ..." -- a "W" gets Blitzburgh to the bye week with a difficult-to-understand (given the injuries) 4-1 record.
Following a breather, it'll be Philly-L.A. renewing their 1970s NLCS rivalry in Game 1 Thurs. at The Cit ... one hour after the Stanley Cup champion Detroit Red Wings raise the banner to the rafters in Hockeytown.
It's in the day planner in our brain:
We're at The Joe at 7, The Cit at 8 ...
Of course, all of this serves as a prelude to that massive (almost Biblical) Saturday slugfest betwixt the Sooners n' the Longhorns at the Cotton Bowl (featuring those gunslingin' QBs, Bradford & McCoy) in the game once called the Red River Shootout (which has been modified in PC fashion to be known as the Red River Expression of Sportsmanship & Fair Play).
It's a 7-day headrush -- and it'll be a chore switching from the RUIZ 51 shirt to the FARRIOR 51 jersey to the FILPPULA 51 sweater, back to the RUIZ 51 shirt (remember ... baseball players wear a "uniform," not a jersey) and then into the LEPAK 51 jersey.
Wait a second ... who the frick is Brian Lepak?
Sure ... he wears #51 for OU, but who is he really?
Do we know?
Does he?
Some of us don't need to shell out upwards of $1,000 total to validate our allegiances with four current #51 shirts/jerseys/sweaters -- besides, it's a little creepy (or cheesy) to wear the name and numerals of a current player.
In fact, there's a good argument to be made for the fact that it's dangerous having those garments around the house.
The last thing any guy needs is his spouse/steady/tonight's date layin' on the comforter wearin' nuthin' but a thong (or bikini briefs, depending on her state of shyness/sluttiness) and the game-day jersey knotted in the front.
Knotted because it's too long and it's obstructing the frontal view of the thong ...
The thong, of course, obstructing the view of the nummies ...
Erotica and jerseys aside, there's simply too many names, numbers to choose from -- and ya absolutely cannot go modern unless ya wanna look really queer.
The loudest statement is made by those who are ballsy enough to go vintage old-school w/ a SLOCUMB 51 or a HINKLE 53 or a CHEVELDAE 32 or an UNSER 25 or a FUAMATU-MA'AFALA 45.
'Round here, the only big plans involve replacing the white SOONERS 20 Nike XXL jersey (which has no name on the back -- 'cuz whose 20 would it be, anyway? Billy Sims or Rocky Calmus?) with a crimson SOONERS 4 Nike size 56 jersey.
This acquisition will be completed in order to re-connect with the OU stars which we grew up with -- Elvis Peacock in the '70s and Jamelle Holieway in the '80s, both of whom donned #4, of course.
Also ... the white Wisconsin #7 Adidas jersey (triple-X) has struggled to make friends in the closet with the old Red Wings (no number) sweater by Starter and the releatively-new Sabres (no number) sweater ('70s retro version by CCM).
Pops went to Wisconsin ...
Pops was a Badger ...
(And, it's nice havin' no name on the back 'cuz someone might think #7 is for QB Jon Stocco, rather than #7 SS Ryan Aiello ... )
The jersey situation illustrates why nobody is allowed 'round this place to assist with the support-group duties for the Steelers/Phils/Sooners/Red Wings.
It's probably because each occasion is a test ... much more lifelike and non-lame than the Baltimore Colts exam which Eddie prepared for his fiancee in "Diner."
The "pop-quiz" method 'round here is so less-arbitrary ... y'know, like when you're sittin' there in your red Phillies cap which matches your Red Wings jersey and you're watchin' Lendy Holmes play safety for the Sooners and you say to your wishes-he-was-an-OU-fan guest, "Kinda reminds ya of when Jack Mildren was back there roamin' the secondary for the Sonners, doesn't it?" -- and, by the time he's nodding in agreement w/ some sorta half-assed, right-on-my-white-brother and askin' for another Tuborg Gold, you're already punching him in the face with SuperDawg's NylaBone (because the 1-Dollar Tommy Maddox bobblehead is on the other side of the room) as you scream each time fist collides with flesh and bone -- "Show! Some! Fucking! Respect! Jack Mildren was the QB who ran the wishbone offense for Chuck Fairbanks, dickwad! Mildren didn't play safety 'til he got to the NFL! And then he went and died from stomach cancer last May. HE! WAS! ONLY! FIFTY! EIGHT! That's TOO! FUCKING! YOUNG!"
By the time that you notice the blood splatters all over the living-room carpet, you give your victim one last chance to save his own life by answering who wore #11 when he was startin' at safety for the '00 national champion Sooners.
J.T. Thatcher is a lousy guess, even if the vic (you're the perp) impresses you by using his final breath, before slipping into unconsciousness, to remark that J.T. Thatcher won the Mosi Tatupu Award in '00 as the nation's top special-teams player.
It's a pity when that slain body is rotting at the nearest landfill and you realize how unfortunate it was that somebody had to die because he didn't know that Ontei Jones was the player who wore #11 for the '00 Sooners.
Even if he'd had three guesses, you realize that he was gonna say Rickey Dixon or Brodney Pool before he'd come up with the name Ontei Jones.
And, if he'd tried to get cute by BlackBerry-ing a Wikipedia-based reply, he'd've come up empty there, too, because, sometimes, the know-it-alls don't know that they've listed Ontei Jones as #42 (freshman QB Hunter Wall is #11, apparently) and there are no links to forsee that '00 frosh LB Teddy Lehman #54 will be wearing #11 in '01, '02 and as a Butkus Award and Bednarik Award winner in '03.
Chris Weinke ... now THAT guy remembers Ontei Jones.
So, the games get enjoyed here at the La-Z-Boy Lounge rather than at a Dave N' Buster's because, well, sometimes ya just wanna soak it all in from a recliner rather than feeling inclined to beat somebody to death with either a ketchup bottle or a salt shaker during the Steelers game simply because when CBS showed RB Gary Russell #33 on the screen your "new Steeler pal" couldn't name either Frenchy Fuqua, Merril Hoge or Bam Morris as RBs who wore #33.
And, from the solitude of this recliner, it's a guilt-free crossfire when it's time to re-sort and re-alphabetize approx. 2,700 Philadelphia Phillies trading cards during the Pittsburgh Steelers' AFC playoff game against the heavily-favored Colts.
Then again, the crossfire gets a little gnarly when you're kinda/sorta paying attention and ya hear that Larry Foote made the tackle as you're holding a card of Barry Foote.
Larry Foote and Barry Foote ... you'll know the difference once you hear Larry Foote tellin' America that he's one of the "Detroit Pershing Doughboys."
Larry Foote's a better "hitter" than Barry Foote, anyway.
So, yeah ... the crossfire never leaves us -- and we fight the urge to phone the ex-fiancee and inform her that, during our 7-plus years together, the Big 4 didn't do squat in terms of championships (0-28, plus 0-5 in the Chandler NCAA b-ball brackets).
Yet, in 16 yrs. w/ the Mrs., grand prizes have been plentiful (Sooners '00, Steelers '05, Red Wing Cups in '97, '98, '02 and now '08 ... an enjoyable Phillies World Series season in '93 -- and maybe a new chapter now -- and NCAA bracketeering championships in '97 and '06).
There's no escaping the overlap, be it the Steelers pissin' us off by switching to black shoes during that one season in '97 or '98 or whichever it was and then the Sooners doin' the same thing, first in the early '90s under Gary Gibbs and then w/ Stoops in a few years back (when Jason White was throwin' all those black-shoed passes to black-shoed receivers).
Thank goodness Big Ben and Big Bad Bradford are in white cleats and pitchin' passes to receivers in white cleats.
So, if it's true that living well is the best revenge, then it's probably not worth re-visiting '86 when the Phils were repeatedly pimp-slappin' the Mutts despite the great distance in the standings combined with the fact that Sorority Girlfriend was 500 miles away, messin' 'round with that jerk-off 'cuz, what the hell, 16-year-old Patty from Hacienda Heights and those toned sticks that she did her outside-hitting/middle-blocking with, yowzuh ...
The Overlap is a sanctuary now ... a no-fly zone w/o the crossfire of wunderin' who's pitchin' for the Phils tonight while you're inside her blouse and makin' the quick, one-handed unclasp.
For the record: That Tommy Maddox bobblehead ... part of the Forever Collectibles' Legends of "The Field" series ... this one is No. 4,858 or 5,000.
Until it gets shattered into a hundred pieces during the next Steelers disappointment ...
b
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Controversy Re: Victorino's Grand Salami
This is EXACTLY (!) why we need instant replay in The MLB -- to authenticate history's most-precious home runs.
Y'see, only mere moments after the Fightin's' 5-2 win over the Brew Crew in Game 2, the kid who delivered the Hawaiian punch to the gut of Milwaukee when he cleared the flower bed with the first postseason, 4-run homer in the 126-year history of the Philadelphia Phillies, told interviewers that the meatball which C.C. Sabathia tossed plateward was "a slider ... up."
However, in one of the initial AP stories which found its way into cyberspace, it was reported that our beloved Flyin' Hawaiian hit "a hanging cutter."
Until America gets its story straight, we may never <<"wait!" does it matter?>> for all we'll ever know, it was a palmball with no "late action."
The bottom line is: It felt like justice. Shane took a mighty cut and we all shouted, "ShamWow!"
Most important, though, is that it made Americans feel good about America again.
That is, until a few minutes later when those V.P.-wannabees, Biden and Palin, engaged in that national debate which had us returning to our usual state of soaking the ol' stars n' stripes in kerosene before pulling that book of matches from our pocket.
It makes ya laugh -- 'cuz Americans who don't really follow The MLB might've been settling into their La-Z-Boys at home, gettin' ready to watch the VP Debate and, when John Q. Public saw Victorino's homer on a quickie highlight clip, he probably remarked to Mrs. Public, "That little Puerto Rican kid got all of that slider up, didn't he?"
Said Mrs. Public to Mr. Public: "He's not Puerto Rican ... and it was a hanging cutter, dear."
Enn-nee-way, for those of us who fashion the Victorino hairstyle in our everyday life, we got all goose-bumpy when Shane's first greeting when he reached the dugout came from Jayson Werth standing near the railing -- and Werth offered a quick, one-handed, two-swirl rub to the stubble-haired slugger.
That was two seconds before Victorino descended into the dugout to a hero's welcome before he climbed back out, popped his head out and acknowledged the Citizens Bank Park crowd (92 percent of whom love to cheer -- or boo -- the Phils ... and only 24 percent who actually have a money market account at a Citizens Bank branch).
On the other hand, some of us Phillie Diehards were still sooooo drunk with euphoria that we contemplated using Joe Biden's massive-and-overly-botoxed forehead as scratch paper for making notes as to which was a bigger moment in Brick Myers' survival -- the 9-pitch standoff vs. Sabathia when Brick was wearin' a battin' helmet and holdin' a bat or the comebacker which Corey Hart hit to Brick which the pitcher turned into a 1-2-3 DP which really saved the Fightin's from a big frickin' mess (started by Brick, of course).
Brick giveth ... and he taketh away ... (lousy piece of pitching by 311-lb. Carsten Charles, though -- that's a .061 hitter, bub -- and an equally lousy piece of hitting by Hart, swinging at the first pitch after J.J. Hardy had just coaxed a bases-loaded walk ... still can't believe that America voted Hart onto the All-Star team in that LastSpotIsUpForGrabs ballot ... then again, a pile of crap named "Fook-ooo-doh-meee" was voted in as a starter ... that blood is on YOUR hands Phillie ballot-box stuffers ... ).
Hey, what if we used Biden's forehead as an easel for a picket-fence tally (y'know, four vertical lines w/ a diagonal line through those lines) to gauge America's opinion as to who had a bigger dip in his front lip tonight: Sabathia -- or Werth as he was hittin' those two doubles off of Sabs?
When Sabs is pitching for Detroit (or St. Louis, possibly Houston) next summer, it probably won't matter any more.
What matters is the opinions of those people who claim that The Cit's gigantic, lighted Liberty Bell (which was happily doin' its postgame thing in neon splendor after this historic win) is actually a little smaller than Biden's botoxed-forehead (no, seriously ... the only thing more-offensive to Americans these days is probably the color of Costas' hair).
Notwithstanding Biden's massive-and-unnaturally-smooth forehead, a lot of Americans probably never work up to the fact that, going into tonight, the Phils had an all-time record of 0-8 in playoff Game 2's (that's not counting the 2-3 record all-time in World Series Game 2's).
A lot of Americans never had to sit through the Game 2's of '76, '77, '78, '80, '81, '83, '93 and '07 ... Game 2's which featured heartbreak and anguish, ranging from the '76 NLCS wherein Dick Allen's error allowed the tying and go-ahead runs to score during the 4-run Reds rally sparked by those three Hall of Famers (Rose, Morgan, Perez -- who kinda sucked when they played for the '83 N.L. champion Phils) to the giveaway in Game 2 in the '80 NLCS whereby the Phils stranded too many runners (4 runs on 14 hits? ... and why did Lee Elia hold Bake McBride at third in the bottom of the 9th on Lonnie Smith's single ... sure, Terry Puhl's got a decent arm, but, c'mon ... ) ... and, ohmigod, Crime Dog's homer into the top deck in RF vs. Tommy Greene in '93 ...
And, let's not get started re: those Dodjerk pitchers who shoved it up the Phillies asses (Sutton, John, Fatnando) in the Game 2's of '77, '78, '83 ...
Then, tonight when the Phillies were creating total aggravation by wasting Victorino's double in the 1st ... wasting Werth's double and SB in the 3rd ... and loadin' the bases w/ 2 outs in the 4th (thanks to a cool double-steal by Rollins and Victorino) and leavin' 'em loaded again in the 5th and, hang on, don't forget the two which were stranded in the 6th ... akkkk! ... ).
In years past, those opportunities to go up 7-1 or 9-1 would've come back to haunt the Fightin's.
This year's different, "apparently" ... and, when we combine this FIGHTIN' PHILLIE magic with what the Dodjerks did to the Flubs in Wrigley for the second night in a row (nice work, S.I. Cover Jinx ... "It's Gonna Happen FOR SOME OTHER TEAM") and now, barring a double-barreled miracle from the N.L. Central, it's a shoo-in for another chapter in the Phillie-Dodjerks playoff anthology -- the first time for us to revisit this epic confrontation since Sarge n' Sixto launched those homers in Game 4 in '83 to clinch a berth in the World Series.
It's difficult to understand why a main-squeeze like Liza couldn't grasp the magnitude of those pennant-clinching homers by Sarge n' Sixto since they occurred on the one week anniversary of our brand new love -- but, then again, it's smarter to dismiss that shortcoming and spend more time wondering why a fiancee like Cheryl found it necessary to jinx the final eight years that the Phils wore the maroon pinstripes w/ the maroon piping down the sleeves and down the sides until the Phils ditched the maroon and Cheryl got dumped in '92, oh well.
Totally makes ya happy as heck that the girlfriend of '93 who understood the glory of the '93 craziness became Mrs. Ground-Rule Triple and, thus, negated all of the previous boyfriend-girlfriend hate crimes of Philly-L.A. and HEY, BRICK MYERS SEZ, WHAT ABOUT ME?
Admittedly, the guy showed some real cajones tonight following that HUGE break in the first inning when Corey Hart and his sunglasses at night showed no plate discipline.
A 1-2-3 DP had to give Myers a boost of confidence (especially since Brick didn't do something insane, such as air mail his throw to the backstop after fielding the comebacker).
Fact: No one's ready to rank Myers ahead of Shane Rawley in Phillies pitching lore (yet), but now is maybe the time to say that, "yes" ... Victorino just moved ahead of the aformentioned Shane Rawley (as well as Shane Turner -- .171 in 35 ABs for the '88 Phils) as our all-time favorite Phillie Named Shane.
It's up to America, though, to reconcile whether Victorino's homer tonight is the biggest n' baddest of all the homers hit by one of Philadelphia's Great Number 8's ... that's to say, bigger than the opposite-field, 3-run HR hit by #8 Dick Sisler on the final day of the 1950 season vs. the Brooklyn Dodgers which clinched the pennant for the Whiz Kids ... or bigger than that 3-run bash hit by #8 Jimmy Eisenreich off of Dave Stewart in Game 2 of the '93 World Series ... or bigger than the game-tying, solo shot which #8 Joe Morgan hit in the 6th inning off Scott McGregor in Baltimore in the '83 Series ... or bigger than the .412 which #8 Bob Boone hit in the '80 World Series while striking out zero times (America sez: "Hey, Boonie didn't hit a homer ..." -- SO WHAT! He batted .412 and didn't strike out -- and when the frick is The MLB gonna enshrine him in Cooperstown?").
Sure ... everybody's upset that Juan Samuel couldn't make our Great 8 list ... after all, the current Orioles third-base coach was goddamn electrifying when he'd go from batter's box to third base 20 years ago.
Well, if it's any consolation, "yes" ... J.C. Romero is our all-time fave #16 Phillie pitcher -- and it's not just because he made Prince Fielder's bat explode (it's also 'cuz we can't think of another pitcher who ever wore that number for the Phils ... in fact, all our brain can come up with for #16 is Tony Longmire ... which is bizarre how stiffs such as Longmire and Shane Turner can sneak their names into a Phillies playoff recap ...).
Because the Phillies spent five of the first six innings wasting opportunities (save for that 5-spot in the 2nd), it was a little annoying that Fielder came to the plate in the top of the 8th representing the tying run.
Enter Romero ... and he buzzsawed the bejabbers outta the Prince's Sam Bat, causing the bat-barrel to skip n' tumble n' roll thru the infield while, at the same time, the batted ball scooted n' crawled n' tip-toed toward Utley, who charged in and glove-flipped to Howard w/o the danger of the transfer.
Prince's bat: Barely reached the outfield grass.
Prince's dribbler: Barely reached the infield dirt.
It's the sorta thing that we might've expected from former lefty-hittin' Brewer first-sackers, such as Billy Jo Robidoux or maybe Franklin Stubbs when he was wearin' #0 for The Crew.
Well, now all the Phillies need to do is take care of bidniss at Miller Park, which seems like a better prospect than last year when, instead of leading 2-games-to-none, they were down oh-two headin' to Coors Field.
Despite the Miller/Coors beer connection (some of us STILL drink only Olympia or Tuborg Gold), the Phils will need to combat the effects of the first playoff game in Milwaukee since the days when Fond du Lac-bred, Oshkosh-educated Jimmy Gantner (middle name: "Elmer") wore the cap with the fun logo ("lookitthat! it's an "m" and a "b" shaped to look like a mitt holding a ball, no way!").
Y'know ... those were three fun World Series games in County Stadium in '82, alas ... nostalgia is the enemy.
The Phils cannot be deterred by Bernie Brewer and between-inning weiner races ...
b
Y'see, only mere moments after the Fightin's' 5-2 win over the Brew Crew in Game 2, the kid who delivered the Hawaiian punch to the gut of Milwaukee when he cleared the flower bed with the first postseason, 4-run homer in the 126-year history of the Philadelphia Phillies, told interviewers that the meatball which C.C. Sabathia tossed plateward was "a slider ... up."
However, in one of the initial AP stories which found its way into cyberspace, it was reported that our beloved Flyin' Hawaiian hit "a hanging cutter."
Until America gets its story straight, we may never <<"wait!" does it matter?>> for all we'll ever know, it was a palmball with no "late action."
The bottom line is: It felt like justice. Shane took a mighty cut and we all shouted, "ShamWow!"
Most important, though, is that it made Americans feel good about America again.
That is, until a few minutes later when those V.P.-wannabees, Biden and Palin, engaged in that national debate which had us returning to our usual state of soaking the ol' stars n' stripes in kerosene before pulling that book of matches from our pocket.
It makes ya laugh -- 'cuz Americans who don't really follow The MLB might've been settling into their La-Z-Boys at home, gettin' ready to watch the VP Debate and, when John Q. Public saw Victorino's homer on a quickie highlight clip, he probably remarked to Mrs. Public, "That little Puerto Rican kid got all of that slider up, didn't he?"
Said Mrs. Public to Mr. Public: "He's not Puerto Rican ... and it was a hanging cutter, dear."
Enn-nee-way, for those of us who fashion the Victorino hairstyle in our everyday life, we got all goose-bumpy when Shane's first greeting when he reached the dugout came from Jayson Werth standing near the railing -- and Werth offered a quick, one-handed, two-swirl rub to the stubble-haired slugger.
That was two seconds before Victorino descended into the dugout to a hero's welcome before he climbed back out, popped his head out and acknowledged the Citizens Bank Park crowd (92 percent of whom love to cheer -- or boo -- the Phils ... and only 24 percent who actually have a money market account at a Citizens Bank branch).
On the other hand, some of us Phillie Diehards were still sooooo drunk with euphoria that we contemplated using Joe Biden's massive-and-overly-botoxed forehead as scratch paper for making notes as to which was a bigger moment in Brick Myers' survival -- the 9-pitch standoff vs. Sabathia when Brick was wearin' a battin' helmet and holdin' a bat or the comebacker which Corey Hart hit to Brick which the pitcher turned into a 1-2-3 DP which really saved the Fightin's from a big frickin' mess (started by Brick, of course).
Brick giveth ... and he taketh away ... (lousy piece of pitching by 311-lb. Carsten Charles, though -- that's a .061 hitter, bub -- and an equally lousy piece of hitting by Hart, swinging at the first pitch after J.J. Hardy had just coaxed a bases-loaded walk ... still can't believe that America voted Hart onto the All-Star team in that LastSpotIsUpForGrabs ballot ... then again, a pile of crap named "Fook-ooo-doh-meee" was voted in as a starter ... that blood is on YOUR hands Phillie ballot-box stuffers ... ).
Hey, what if we used Biden's forehead as an easel for a picket-fence tally (y'know, four vertical lines w/ a diagonal line through those lines) to gauge America's opinion as to who had a bigger dip in his front lip tonight: Sabathia -- or Werth as he was hittin' those two doubles off of Sabs?
When Sabs is pitching for Detroit (or St. Louis, possibly Houston) next summer, it probably won't matter any more.
What matters is the opinions of those people who claim that The Cit's gigantic, lighted Liberty Bell (which was happily doin' its postgame thing in neon splendor after this historic win) is actually a little smaller than Biden's botoxed-forehead (no, seriously ... the only thing more-offensive to Americans these days is probably the color of Costas' hair).
Notwithstanding Biden's massive-and-unnaturally-smooth forehead, a lot of Americans probably never work up to the fact that, going into tonight, the Phils had an all-time record of 0-8 in playoff Game 2's (that's not counting the 2-3 record all-time in World Series Game 2's).
A lot of Americans never had to sit through the Game 2's of '76, '77, '78, '80, '81, '83, '93 and '07 ... Game 2's which featured heartbreak and anguish, ranging from the '76 NLCS wherein Dick Allen's error allowed the tying and go-ahead runs to score during the 4-run Reds rally sparked by those three Hall of Famers (Rose, Morgan, Perez -- who kinda sucked when they played for the '83 N.L. champion Phils) to the giveaway in Game 2 in the '80 NLCS whereby the Phils stranded too many runners (4 runs on 14 hits? ... and why did Lee Elia hold Bake McBride at third in the bottom of the 9th on Lonnie Smith's single ... sure, Terry Puhl's got a decent arm, but, c'mon ... ) ... and, ohmigod, Crime Dog's homer into the top deck in RF vs. Tommy Greene in '93 ...
And, let's not get started re: those Dodjerk pitchers who shoved it up the Phillies asses (Sutton, John, Fatnando) in the Game 2's of '77, '78, '83 ...
Then, tonight when the Phillies were creating total aggravation by wasting Victorino's double in the 1st ... wasting Werth's double and SB in the 3rd ... and loadin' the bases w/ 2 outs in the 4th (thanks to a cool double-steal by Rollins and Victorino) and leavin' 'em loaded again in the 5th and, hang on, don't forget the two which were stranded in the 6th ... akkkk! ... ).
In years past, those opportunities to go up 7-1 or 9-1 would've come back to haunt the Fightin's.
This year's different, "apparently" ... and, when we combine this FIGHTIN' PHILLIE magic with what the Dodjerks did to the Flubs in Wrigley for the second night in a row (nice work, S.I. Cover Jinx ... "It's Gonna Happen FOR SOME OTHER TEAM") and now, barring a double-barreled miracle from the N.L. Central, it's a shoo-in for another chapter in the Phillie-Dodjerks playoff anthology -- the first time for us to revisit this epic confrontation since Sarge n' Sixto launched those homers in Game 4 in '83 to clinch a berth in the World Series.
It's difficult to understand why a main-squeeze like Liza couldn't grasp the magnitude of those pennant-clinching homers by Sarge n' Sixto since they occurred on the one week anniversary of our brand new love -- but, then again, it's smarter to dismiss that shortcoming and spend more time wondering why a fiancee like Cheryl found it necessary to jinx the final eight years that the Phils wore the maroon pinstripes w/ the maroon piping down the sleeves and down the sides until the Phils ditched the maroon and Cheryl got dumped in '92, oh well.
Totally makes ya happy as heck that the girlfriend of '93 who understood the glory of the '93 craziness became Mrs. Ground-Rule Triple and, thus, negated all of the previous boyfriend-girlfriend hate crimes of Philly-L.A. and HEY, BRICK MYERS SEZ, WHAT ABOUT ME?
Admittedly, the guy showed some real cajones tonight following that HUGE break in the first inning when Corey Hart and his sunglasses at night showed no plate discipline.
A 1-2-3 DP had to give Myers a boost of confidence (especially since Brick didn't do something insane, such as air mail his throw to the backstop after fielding the comebacker).
Fact: No one's ready to rank Myers ahead of Shane Rawley in Phillies pitching lore (yet), but now is maybe the time to say that, "yes" ... Victorino just moved ahead of the aformentioned Shane Rawley (as well as Shane Turner -- .171 in 35 ABs for the '88 Phils) as our all-time favorite Phillie Named Shane.
It's up to America, though, to reconcile whether Victorino's homer tonight is the biggest n' baddest of all the homers hit by one of Philadelphia's Great Number 8's ... that's to say, bigger than the opposite-field, 3-run HR hit by #8 Dick Sisler on the final day of the 1950 season vs. the Brooklyn Dodgers which clinched the pennant for the Whiz Kids ... or bigger than that 3-run bash hit by #8 Jimmy Eisenreich off of Dave Stewart in Game 2 of the '93 World Series ... or bigger than the game-tying, solo shot which #8 Joe Morgan hit in the 6th inning off Scott McGregor in Baltimore in the '83 Series ... or bigger than the .412 which #8 Bob Boone hit in the '80 World Series while striking out zero times (America sez: "Hey, Boonie didn't hit a homer ..." -- SO WHAT! He batted .412 and didn't strike out -- and when the frick is The MLB gonna enshrine him in Cooperstown?").
Sure ... everybody's upset that Juan Samuel couldn't make our Great 8 list ... after all, the current Orioles third-base coach was goddamn electrifying when he'd go from batter's box to third base 20 years ago.
Well, if it's any consolation, "yes" ... J.C. Romero is our all-time fave #16 Phillie pitcher -- and it's not just because he made Prince Fielder's bat explode (it's also 'cuz we can't think of another pitcher who ever wore that number for the Phils ... in fact, all our brain can come up with for #16 is Tony Longmire ... which is bizarre how stiffs such as Longmire and Shane Turner can sneak their names into a Phillies playoff recap ...).
Because the Phillies spent five of the first six innings wasting opportunities (save for that 5-spot in the 2nd), it was a little annoying that Fielder came to the plate in the top of the 8th representing the tying run.
Enter Romero ... and he buzzsawed the bejabbers outta the Prince's Sam Bat, causing the bat-barrel to skip n' tumble n' roll thru the infield while, at the same time, the batted ball scooted n' crawled n' tip-toed toward Utley, who charged in and glove-flipped to Howard w/o the danger of the transfer.
Prince's bat: Barely reached the outfield grass.
Prince's dribbler: Barely reached the infield dirt.
It's the sorta thing that we might've expected from former lefty-hittin' Brewer first-sackers, such as Billy Jo Robidoux or maybe Franklin Stubbs when he was wearin' #0 for The Crew.
Well, now all the Phillies need to do is take care of bidniss at Miller Park, which seems like a better prospect than last year when, instead of leading 2-games-to-none, they were down oh-two headin' to Coors Field.
Despite the Miller/Coors beer connection (some of us STILL drink only Olympia or Tuborg Gold), the Phils will need to combat the effects of the first playoff game in Milwaukee since the days when Fond du Lac-bred, Oshkosh-educated Jimmy Gantner (middle name: "Elmer") wore the cap with the fun logo ("lookitthat! it's an "m" and a "b" shaped to look like a mitt holding a ball, no way!").
Y'know ... those were three fun World Series games in County Stadium in '82, alas ... nostalgia is the enemy.
The Phils cannot be deterred by Bernie Brewer and between-inning weiner races ...
b
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Colbert Was Plain Filthy
-- and we mean that in the context of, "Colbert Hamels was dealin' " ...
And "Colbert Hamels was just sick" ...
And "Colbert Hamels had that nasty deuce workin' " ...
Or whatever it is that the 18-thru-34 demographic is sayin' nowadays (which is probably not "Kid pitched a whale of a game" or "He pitched like gangbusters") ...
However ya say it, Colbert Hamels on the mound today in Game 1 of the NLDS put forth a performance better than any Baseball Star Named Colbert ever had ... and, yeah, that means you, Colbert Dale Harrah (who everybody knew as "Toby") and you, too, Nate Colbert (the only player of note from those 1969-thru-1972, god-awful S.D. Padres teams ... sorry, Clarence Gaston).
Look ... a guy could do a lot worse than having Toby Harrah and Nate Colbert on his Rotisserie team (if only Rotisserie baseball hadn't died out in 1991) -- and we're pretty sure that Colbert Hamels goes by his baseball name of "Cole" because he got so sick n' tired of asking for extra colbert slaw when he ordered his 6-piece, extra-crispy at KFC.
To the rest of us, though, he'll always remain "Cole Hamels Smokes Camels" (even though it is us, not he, who enjoys the blend of Turkish and domestic tobaccos ... so, we should probably change that catch-phrase to "Try Some Camels, Cole Hamels").
Notwithstanding this brain-teaser, the Brew Crew has some wounds to lick (which has always been a poor sports metaphor ... a team "licking its wounds"???) following Colbert's powerful performance.
America has to decide if Hamels' Game 1 line of 8 2 0 0 1 9 in any way surpasses the previous all-time Phillie playoff (not necessarily postseason/World Series-inclusive) pitching efforts -- such as Lefty's Game 1 line from 1980 vs. the 'Stros (7 7 1 1 3 3) or Lefty's Game 1 line from 1983 at Dodger Stadium (7.2 7 0 0 2 6) or Schilling's Game 1 line from 1993 vs. 104-win Atlanta (8 7 2 2 2 10).
It is of particular interest to note that Hamels' 14-10 record this season was misleading, given the 10 times he had 7 IP w/ 3 ER or fewer and took an L or a ND ... meaning: he probably should've been 18-8 or 19-9 ... if there'd been any justice -- just as Lefty's 15-16 record of '83 was totally bogus, considering the 11 times he'd gone at least 7 IP w/ 3 ER or fewer and was 0-8 w/ 3 ND in those games (including losses of 3-0 and 1-0 at L.A.) ... meaning: Lefty's if-there-was-any-justice conversion grades out to a W-L record more like 18-10 in '83, rather than 15-16 ... we know this because we did the research -- and because it was appalling how Adam Eaton unjustly won 10 games last year with an ERA of 6.32 ('cuz he pitched lousily enough to be 1-15, not 10-10).
So, as long as we're connecting the past to the present, it was interesting to see a Phillie playoff opponent with a braintrust of ex-Phillie Dale Sveum, ex-Phillie Mike Maddux and a third-base coach named "Garth" who was wearing #88 and whose brother made his MLB debut w/ the Phils in '77 ... until that kid was part of the deal to acquire Bake McBride (a steal for the Phils).
Of course, this is the "new" braintrust of the Brew Crew, created when the Phils swept the 4-game set capped by the Sunday doubleheader sweep when their first run of the Sun.-twinbill opener came when Pat Burrell hit into a double play and the first run of that double-dip nightcap occurred when Chase Utlley grounded into a double play.
Without the Elias Sports Bureau or know-it-all- Kirk Herbstreit here to confirm it, we'll go with the assertion that it was the first time in the history of The MLB that a team swept a double header and tied for the wild-card position in the standings by scoring their first runs in both the opener and the nightcap on a DP grounder.
And, Ned Yost paid the price.
Yet, that still doesn't ease the pain for those of us who actually DO remember some of those 54 games in which Sveum batted a robust .178 for the Phils in '92.
Some of us were lucky enough to be there for "Turn Back The Clock" Day at Candleshit 16 Mays ago (weird ... since Daylight Savings Time was one month earlier ... when we turned the clocks ahead, not back, one hour ...).
If it matters, the Phils won 12-2 that day (Stale Dale went 2 for 4 w/ 3 ribbies ... Mariano went 5 for 5) while wearing their black caps and olive-hued uniforms, while 'Frisco (they hate it when ya call it 'Frisco) was decked out in some gear much like the Phillies retro uniforms they've worn this season for the day games.
To repeat: Some of us will never be a fan of this '08 throwback look (seriously, the cap looks okay ... but, the uni isn't the same w/o the pinstripes ... oh, and the font is completely messed-up on the numerals ... we can't tell if Chase Utley is wearing #26 or #28, etc ...).
THESE ARE THE RANDOM THINGS WE THINK ABOUT (or, as the poet once said, "Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letterbox ...") when Hamels is dealin' and the offense is a wee bit listless.
It's a little disappointing when the most crucial hit of the day is a fly ball which Mike Cameron angles poorly and then gloves even more poorly.
Oopsie daisy (or, if you prefer, uh-oh Spaghetti-O's) for the 3-time Gold Glover (still can't believe that dude once hit 4 homers in a game ... back in '02 w/ Seattle ... and he'd had all 4 by the 5th inn. ... meaning he coulda hit 6 that day ... ).
But, it's not about Mike Cameron, who maybe had some problems with rain and wind on that fly ball (it was great to hear the grounds crew dude describe the weather to Dana DeMuth thusly: "She could start dumpin'.")
But, it's not about Dana DeMuth. It's about Cole Hamels NOT overthinking the situation as he did for Game 1 of the NLDS last year vs. the Rockies ... when the youngster couldn't decide whether to wear long sleeves ... and when he did, he eventually removed the undershirt, only not until the Rocks dinged him for 3 runs in the top of the 2nd.
Some people will contend that this Brew Crew team is comparably-built to that Rockpile from last year, what with young superstars Fielder (50 HRs last year) and Braun and Hardy (an '07 All-Star) and Hart (an '08 All-Star when not enough Phillie phans jumped on the "Vote For Pat" bandwagon).
Then again, guys like Bill Hall and Rickie Weeks have some potential, except when they're teaming up to completely botch a Hamels bunt.
A lot of us wondered if Brewer pitcher Yovani Gallardo was this year's version of Franklin Morales ... a no-name w/ "plenty of upside, blah blah blah" who was going to come into The Cit and lock up the Phillie offense. Aside from those three consecutive walks during the 3-run rally, he might've fared a little better.
There was an eerie element out there today ... right down to the CF cameras giving us those shots of folks in clear plastic rain garb sittin' behind home plate.
A weird playoff W ... but, it was a playoff W nevertheless ... as Lidge looked about as shaky in this one as he did in his previous outing, four days ago vs. the Nats when a game-ending, diving-stop, DP-starter by Rollins saved the Phils' bacon.
So, yeah ... it was a little tense watchin' Lidge doin' his high-wire act, although he wiggled out of danger with the tying runs on base when he got Fielder and Hart to whiff to end it.
A 35-pitch save -- fitting since it was Wild Thing who tossed the ceremonial first pitch to the backstop, ha ha ha.
Mitch probably wasn't amused re: the manner in which So Taguchi so totally disgraced the uniform #99 so profoundly this season.
Either way, starting pitching is going to determine the Fightin's fate, although karma would figure to be on Philly's side, given that Myers was born two months BEFORE the Phillies' only world title ... Blanton was born two months AFTER the Phillies' only world title ... and Moyer was at the parade when the Phillies celebrated their only world title.
Do we have the audacity to say that the stars are aligned?
Only if Brick Myers pitches tomorrow as he did in the 11 starts (7-2 record, 1.80 ERA) between his first 17 starts of the season (3-9/5.84) and his final two starts before this one (0-2/15.12).
He's the dude that's gotta neutralize Sabathia ...
b
And "Colbert Hamels was just sick" ...
And "Colbert Hamels had that nasty deuce workin' " ...
Or whatever it is that the 18-thru-34 demographic is sayin' nowadays (which is probably not "Kid pitched a whale of a game" or "He pitched like gangbusters") ...
However ya say it, Colbert Hamels on the mound today in Game 1 of the NLDS put forth a performance better than any Baseball Star Named Colbert ever had ... and, yeah, that means you, Colbert Dale Harrah (who everybody knew as "Toby") and you, too, Nate Colbert (the only player of note from those 1969-thru-1972, god-awful S.D. Padres teams ... sorry, Clarence Gaston).
Look ... a guy could do a lot worse than having Toby Harrah and Nate Colbert on his Rotisserie team (if only Rotisserie baseball hadn't died out in 1991) -- and we're pretty sure that Colbert Hamels goes by his baseball name of "Cole" because he got so sick n' tired of asking for extra colbert slaw when he ordered his 6-piece, extra-crispy at KFC.
To the rest of us, though, he'll always remain "Cole Hamels Smokes Camels" (even though it is us, not he, who enjoys the blend of Turkish and domestic tobaccos ... so, we should probably change that catch-phrase to "Try Some Camels, Cole Hamels").
Notwithstanding this brain-teaser, the Brew Crew has some wounds to lick (which has always been a poor sports metaphor ... a team "licking its wounds"???) following Colbert's powerful performance.
America has to decide if Hamels' Game 1 line of 8 2 0 0 1 9 in any way surpasses the previous all-time Phillie playoff (not necessarily postseason/World Series-inclusive) pitching efforts -- such as Lefty's Game 1 line from 1980 vs. the 'Stros (7 7 1 1 3 3) or Lefty's Game 1 line from 1983 at Dodger Stadium (7.2 7 0 0 2 6) or Schilling's Game 1 line from 1993 vs. 104-win Atlanta (8 7 2 2 2 10).
It is of particular interest to note that Hamels' 14-10 record this season was misleading, given the 10 times he had 7 IP w/ 3 ER or fewer and took an L or a ND ... meaning: he probably should've been 18-8 or 19-9 ... if there'd been any justice -- just as Lefty's 15-16 record of '83 was totally bogus, considering the 11 times he'd gone at least 7 IP w/ 3 ER or fewer and was 0-8 w/ 3 ND in those games (including losses of 3-0 and 1-0 at L.A.) ... meaning: Lefty's if-there-was-any-justice conversion grades out to a W-L record more like 18-10 in '83, rather than 15-16 ... we know this because we did the research -- and because it was appalling how Adam Eaton unjustly won 10 games last year with an ERA of 6.32 ('cuz he pitched lousily enough to be 1-15, not 10-10).
So, as long as we're connecting the past to the present, it was interesting to see a Phillie playoff opponent with a braintrust of ex-Phillie Dale Sveum, ex-Phillie Mike Maddux and a third-base coach named "Garth" who was wearing #88 and whose brother made his MLB debut w/ the Phils in '77 ... until that kid was part of the deal to acquire Bake McBride (a steal for the Phils).
Of course, this is the "new" braintrust of the Brew Crew, created when the Phils swept the 4-game set capped by the Sunday doubleheader sweep when their first run of the Sun.-twinbill opener came when Pat Burrell hit into a double play and the first run of that double-dip nightcap occurred when Chase Utlley grounded into a double play.
Without the Elias Sports Bureau or know-it-all- Kirk Herbstreit here to confirm it, we'll go with the assertion that it was the first time in the history of The MLB that a team swept a double header and tied for the wild-card position in the standings by scoring their first runs in both the opener and the nightcap on a DP grounder.
And, Ned Yost paid the price.
Yet, that still doesn't ease the pain for those of us who actually DO remember some of those 54 games in which Sveum batted a robust .178 for the Phils in '92.
Some of us were lucky enough to be there for "Turn Back The Clock" Day at Candleshit 16 Mays ago (weird ... since Daylight Savings Time was one month earlier ... when we turned the clocks ahead, not back, one hour ...).
If it matters, the Phils won 12-2 that day (Stale Dale went 2 for 4 w/ 3 ribbies ... Mariano went 5 for 5) while wearing their black caps and olive-hued uniforms, while 'Frisco (they hate it when ya call it 'Frisco) was decked out in some gear much like the Phillies retro uniforms they've worn this season for the day games.
To repeat: Some of us will never be a fan of this '08 throwback look (seriously, the cap looks okay ... but, the uni isn't the same w/o the pinstripes ... oh, and the font is completely messed-up on the numerals ... we can't tell if Chase Utley is wearing #26 or #28, etc ...).
THESE ARE THE RANDOM THINGS WE THINK ABOUT (or, as the poet once said, "Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letterbox ...") when Hamels is dealin' and the offense is a wee bit listless.
It's a little disappointing when the most crucial hit of the day is a fly ball which Mike Cameron angles poorly and then gloves even more poorly.
Oopsie daisy (or, if you prefer, uh-oh Spaghetti-O's) for the 3-time Gold Glover (still can't believe that dude once hit 4 homers in a game ... back in '02 w/ Seattle ... and he'd had all 4 by the 5th inn. ... meaning he coulda hit 6 that day ... ).
But, it's not about Mike Cameron, who maybe had some problems with rain and wind on that fly ball (it was great to hear the grounds crew dude describe the weather to Dana DeMuth thusly: "She could start dumpin'.")
But, it's not about Dana DeMuth. It's about Cole Hamels NOT overthinking the situation as he did for Game 1 of the NLDS last year vs. the Rockies ... when the youngster couldn't decide whether to wear long sleeves ... and when he did, he eventually removed the undershirt, only not until the Rocks dinged him for 3 runs in the top of the 2nd.
Some people will contend that this Brew Crew team is comparably-built to that Rockpile from last year, what with young superstars Fielder (50 HRs last year) and Braun and Hardy (an '07 All-Star) and Hart (an '08 All-Star when not enough Phillie phans jumped on the "Vote For Pat" bandwagon).
Then again, guys like Bill Hall and Rickie Weeks have some potential, except when they're teaming up to completely botch a Hamels bunt.
A lot of us wondered if Brewer pitcher Yovani Gallardo was this year's version of Franklin Morales ... a no-name w/ "plenty of upside, blah blah blah" who was going to come into The Cit and lock up the Phillie offense. Aside from those three consecutive walks during the 3-run rally, he might've fared a little better.
There was an eerie element out there today ... right down to the CF cameras giving us those shots of folks in clear plastic rain garb sittin' behind home plate.
A weird playoff W ... but, it was a playoff W nevertheless ... as Lidge looked about as shaky in this one as he did in his previous outing, four days ago vs. the Nats when a game-ending, diving-stop, DP-starter by Rollins saved the Phils' bacon.
So, yeah ... it was a little tense watchin' Lidge doin' his high-wire act, although he wiggled out of danger with the tying runs on base when he got Fielder and Hart to whiff to end it.
A 35-pitch save -- fitting since it was Wild Thing who tossed the ceremonial first pitch to the backstop, ha ha ha.
Mitch probably wasn't amused re: the manner in which So Taguchi so totally disgraced the uniform #99 so profoundly this season.
Either way, starting pitching is going to determine the Fightin's fate, although karma would figure to be on Philly's side, given that Myers was born two months BEFORE the Phillies' only world title ... Blanton was born two months AFTER the Phillies' only world title ... and Moyer was at the parade when the Phillies celebrated their only world title.
Do we have the audacity to say that the stars are aligned?
Only if Brick Myers pitches tomorrow as he did in the 11 starts (7-2 record, 1.80 ERA) between his first 17 starts of the season (3-9/5.84) and his final two starts before this one (0-2/15.12).
He's the dude that's gotta neutralize Sabathia ...
b
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Fightin's Hijack Sooner Schooner
We had a serious case of Phillie/Sooner overlap today at the La-Z-Boy Lounge, a Code Orange which escalated to a Code Red once Brad Lidge began pitching and FOX Sports' Tim McCarver began play-by-play duties behind the mike.
And, when Lidge allowed a run and had the bases loaded w/ one out and the only-dangerous National (Ryan Zimmerman) at the plate, well ... once Zimmerman's sharply-hit grounder headed up the middle, the thought that crossed everybody's mind was, "At least in the bottom of the 9th, it'll be pinch-hitter, Rollins and Werth and ..." [scratch that]Rollins went to his knees, made the stop, shoveled to Utley, et cetera, et cetera ... ballgame.
The Phillies are now 2008 N.L. East Division champs, a banner to fly at The Cit next to the 2007 N.L. East Division banner -- flags which SOME PEOPLE thought would be flyin' high over The New Shea Stadium next season.
Right ... as if the New York Mess can just whip up a Constitutional amendment to be ratified in time to ensure their inclusion in the postseason, blah blah blah ...
It was definitely a weird one at The Cit today ... not as tidy as last night when Howard cleared the flower bed for a 3-run homer in the 1st and then Utley rattled one up against the flower bed for a 3-run double in the 2nd before Howard followed that by banging an RBI double off the flower bed-railing for an RBI double ... 7-1, Phils in a display of serious daffodil-denting.
This victory ensures that Hamels can rest up tomorrow and ready himself for the playoff start he'll make Weds. -- and, by that time, maybe McCarver will've finally realized that Roger Bernadina is NOT Emilio Bonifacio.
McCarver's broadcaster sidekick, Tom McCarthy, wasn't available in the booth in the top of the 9th because he was making his way down to the field for interviews.
Hence, McCarver had to fly the plane all by himself and, Christ ... he crashed us into a hillside.
Obviously, the toxins in Tim's Miss Clairol hair products were the cause of the hallucinations which prompted Bernadina to twice be I.D.'ed as Bonifacio before Timmy regrouped to twice call Roger "Bernardino."
Tim McCartney is definitely rounding into postseason form!
And, to our island neighbors in the Dominican Republic (where Bonifacio is from) and in Curacao in the Netherland Antilles (where Bernadina is from), Tim McCrappy would like you to f**k off.
SO, IN THE NIGHTCAP OF THIS SATURDAY TWINBILL, Sam Bradford and Manuel Johnson did a dandy job for the Sooner Schooner with their TD hookups of 76, 55 and 63 yards in the 35-10 win over TCU which will propel OU to the No. 1 ranking (thanks to 'SC's tank job vs. the raging Beavers two nights ago).
The real story here might be that OU MLB Ryan Reynolds capped this eventful Saturday by marrying Scarlett Johansson.
We don't know too many LBs who wear #8 ... and we don't know how a gal named Scarlett feels about the fact that her new husband doesn't actually wear scarlet when he plays, but crimson and [wait a sec.] There's another Ryan Reynolds?
Okay, fine ... but nobody tell McCarver.
It'll mess with his head -- and then he'll take it out on America ...
.
And, when Lidge allowed a run and had the bases loaded w/ one out and the only-dangerous National (Ryan Zimmerman) at the plate, well ... once Zimmerman's sharply-hit grounder headed up the middle, the thought that crossed everybody's mind was, "At least in the bottom of the 9th, it'll be pinch-hitter, Rollins and Werth and ..." [scratch that]Rollins went to his knees, made the stop, shoveled to Utley, et cetera, et cetera ... ballgame.
The Phillies are now 2008 N.L. East Division champs, a banner to fly at The Cit next to the 2007 N.L. East Division banner -- flags which SOME PEOPLE thought would be flyin' high over The New Shea Stadium next season.
Right ... as if the New York Mess can just whip up a Constitutional amendment to be ratified in time to ensure their inclusion in the postseason, blah blah blah ...
It was definitely a weird one at The Cit today ... not as tidy as last night when Howard cleared the flower bed for a 3-run homer in the 1st and then Utley rattled one up against the flower bed for a 3-run double in the 2nd before Howard followed that by banging an RBI double off the flower bed-railing for an RBI double ... 7-1, Phils in a display of serious daffodil-denting.
This victory ensures that Hamels can rest up tomorrow and ready himself for the playoff start he'll make Weds. -- and, by that time, maybe McCarver will've finally realized that Roger Bernadina is NOT Emilio Bonifacio.
McCarver's broadcaster sidekick, Tom McCarthy, wasn't available in the booth in the top of the 9th because he was making his way down to the field for interviews.
Hence, McCarver had to fly the plane all by himself and, Christ ... he crashed us into a hillside.
Obviously, the toxins in Tim's Miss Clairol hair products were the cause of the hallucinations which prompted Bernadina to twice be I.D.'ed as Bonifacio before Timmy regrouped to twice call Roger "Bernardino."
Tim McCartney is definitely rounding into postseason form!
And, to our island neighbors in the Dominican Republic (where Bonifacio is from) and in Curacao in the Netherland Antilles (where Bernadina is from), Tim McCrappy would like you to f**k off.
SO, IN THE NIGHTCAP OF THIS SATURDAY TWINBILL, Sam Bradford and Manuel Johnson did a dandy job for the Sooner Schooner with their TD hookups of 76, 55 and 63 yards in the 35-10 win over TCU which will propel OU to the No. 1 ranking (thanks to 'SC's tank job vs. the raging Beavers two nights ago).
The real story here might be that OU MLB Ryan Reynolds capped this eventful Saturday by marrying Scarlett Johansson.
We don't know too many LBs who wear #8 ... and we don't know how a gal named Scarlett feels about the fact that her new husband doesn't actually wear scarlet when he plays, but crimson and [wait a sec.] There's another Ryan Reynolds?
Okay, fine ... but nobody tell McCarver.
It'll mess with his head -- and then he'll take it out on America ...
.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Bronx Bummer (No Thanks, Yanks)
HOLD THE PHONE, SINATRA!
A "Fairwell To Yankee Stadium" w/o Don Mattingly (a.k.a. "Donnie Baseball")?
Is that a surprise to the Pinstripe Nation which, when it's not wearing pinstripes, bleeds the team colors of "midnight and battleship gray"?
Actually, for those of us "outsiders," it seems like fairly typical behavior from the front office which allowed Billy Crystal to suit up and get an AB in a spring training game.
How unappealing for fans of "da Jankees," who should've seen this coming when Virginia Tech pitcher Robbie Waskiewicz needed only 7 pitches to retire Jorge Posada, Robinson Cano and Shelly Duncan in that early-March exhibition in Blacksburg.
Sure ... everybody knows that Mattingly's absence was tied directly to his prior commitment to helping ex-Yankee skipper Joe Torre build a baseball dynasty in L.A., but, c'mon ... how many times to we have to see Aaron Frickin' Boone hit that frickin' homer (or hear Sinatra singin' somethin' about waking up in a city that never sleeps, etc ...)?
Admittedly, some of us didn't immerse ourselves fully in the all-star tribute to the big, ol' ballpark tonight -- so, if there actually was a montage on the JumboTron/DiamondVision/Whatever which featured Our Heroic #23 assaulting and abusing A.L. pitchers, circa 1983 thru 1988, we didn't see it.
The Disneyland Baseball Channel known as "EpsyTime" didn't mention a Mattingly Montage -- yet, would not America have benefitted from a re-airing of the all-time ESPN/Yankee moment?
You remember: July 7, 1996 ... Strawberry's season debut after beating cancer (it was never proved that DARE-rull! DARE-rull! rumaged through the belongings of other patients in the cancer ward in his quest for cigarets he didn't have to pay for) and ESPN brought tears to America's eyes by showing EACH AT-BAT of Straw's 0 for 4 day (lineout in the 2nd; forceout in the 4th; groundout to first -- with the pitcher covering -- in the 6th; and a flyout deep to RF in the 9th after Tino had just homered to cut the Brewers lead to 4-1 ... Jeter was a rookie batting 9th that day ... Boggs struck out with the bases loaded to end the game ... but he'd get the last laugh that season when he climbed aboard that horse after the World Series ... a highlight which STILL receives more airtime than Mattingly ripping a shot to the gap for his third double of the day ... ).
If only Big Stein's health wasn't failing and prevented him from making the trip from Florida, he'd've said what he said when he learned that George was working for Tyler Chicken, "I'm blown away, George. Blohhh-ohhh-ohhh-nuhhhh away!"
So, even though the Pinstripe Nation considers itself the all-time classiest outfit in the history of pro sports, it's more Mickey Mouse than Mickey Mantle when it comes to tributes and cermonies.
To us "outsiders," we'd've rather watched Mike Pagliarulo and Butch Wynegar in the shower -- or Chili Davis tapping a dribbler up the first-base line -- than watch that fricking homer hit by Aaron Frickin' Nobody or Wade Frickin' Boggs climbin' aboard that frickin' horse.
At least there were some cool subtleties tonight, such as:
A) Footage of the Bambino touchin' home plate following a home-run trot -- and Gehrig NOT acknowledging Ruth as the Iron Horse readied to settle into the batter's box (awesome!)
B) Jon Miller mentioning that game at The Stadium ... the "old" Yankee Stadium ... in 1966 when the Yanks n' Chisox played a makeup game before a crowd of 413.
No word on what percentage of that 413 stuck around for the top of the 9th when Tommie Agee and Tom McCraw -- pinch-hitting for ex-Yank Moose Skowron (a teammate who Joe Pepitone described in his autobiography "Joe, You Coulda Made Us Proud" as a guy who looked like a baby robin and moved like a dump truck) -- hit back-to-back homers off of Dooley Womack in the 4-1 Pale Hose victory.
Bottom line: When the Yankees are the shits, they're a delight to mock ...
.
.
A "Fairwell To Yankee Stadium" w/o Don Mattingly (a.k.a. "Donnie Baseball")?
Is that a surprise to the Pinstripe Nation which, when it's not wearing pinstripes, bleeds the team colors of "midnight and battleship gray"?
Actually, for those of us "outsiders," it seems like fairly typical behavior from the front office which allowed Billy Crystal to suit up and get an AB in a spring training game.
How unappealing for fans of "da Jankees," who should've seen this coming when Virginia Tech pitcher Robbie Waskiewicz needed only 7 pitches to retire Jorge Posada, Robinson Cano and Shelly Duncan in that early-March exhibition in Blacksburg.
Sure ... everybody knows that Mattingly's absence was tied directly to his prior commitment to helping ex-Yankee skipper Joe Torre build a baseball dynasty in L.A., but, c'mon ... how many times to we have to see Aaron Frickin' Boone hit that frickin' homer (or hear Sinatra singin' somethin' about waking up in a city that never sleeps, etc ...)?
Admittedly, some of us didn't immerse ourselves fully in the all-star tribute to the big, ol' ballpark tonight -- so, if there actually was a montage on the JumboTron/DiamondVision/Whatever which featured Our Heroic #23 assaulting and abusing A.L. pitchers, circa 1983 thru 1988, we didn't see it.
The Disneyland Baseball Channel known as "EpsyTime" didn't mention a Mattingly Montage -- yet, would not America have benefitted from a re-airing of the all-time ESPN/Yankee moment?
You remember: July 7, 1996 ... Strawberry's season debut after beating cancer (it was never proved that DARE-rull! DARE-rull! rumaged through the belongings of other patients in the cancer ward in his quest for cigarets he didn't have to pay for) and ESPN brought tears to America's eyes by showing EACH AT-BAT of Straw's 0 for 4 day (lineout in the 2nd; forceout in the 4th; groundout to first -- with the pitcher covering -- in the 6th; and a flyout deep to RF in the 9th after Tino had just homered to cut the Brewers lead to 4-1 ... Jeter was a rookie batting 9th that day ... Boggs struck out with the bases loaded to end the game ... but he'd get the last laugh that season when he climbed aboard that horse after the World Series ... a highlight which STILL receives more airtime than Mattingly ripping a shot to the gap for his third double of the day ... ).
If only Big Stein's health wasn't failing and prevented him from making the trip from Florida, he'd've said what he said when he learned that George was working for Tyler Chicken, "I'm blown away, George. Blohhh-ohhh-ohhh-nuhhhh away!"
So, even though the Pinstripe Nation considers itself the all-time classiest outfit in the history of pro sports, it's more Mickey Mouse than Mickey Mantle when it comes to tributes and cermonies.
To us "outsiders," we'd've rather watched Mike Pagliarulo and Butch Wynegar in the shower -- or Chili Davis tapping a dribbler up the first-base line -- than watch that fricking homer hit by Aaron Frickin' Nobody or Wade Frickin' Boggs climbin' aboard that frickin' horse.
At least there were some cool subtleties tonight, such as:
A) Footage of the Bambino touchin' home plate following a home-run trot -- and Gehrig NOT acknowledging Ruth as the Iron Horse readied to settle into the batter's box (awesome!)
B) Jon Miller mentioning that game at The Stadium ... the "old" Yankee Stadium ... in 1966 when the Yanks n' Chisox played a makeup game before a crowd of 413.
No word on what percentage of that 413 stuck around for the top of the 9th when Tommie Agee and Tom McCraw -- pinch-hitting for ex-Yank Moose Skowron (a teammate who Joe Pepitone described in his autobiography "Joe, You Coulda Made Us Proud" as a guy who looked like a baby robin and moved like a dump truck) -- hit back-to-back homers off of Dooley Womack in the 4-1 Pale Hose victory.
Bottom line: When the Yankees are the shits, they're a delight to mock ...
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Friday, September 12, 2008
ON HOLD: 600 In A Row For The WheelBurrell
Technically (and literally) Pat Burrell's current MLB record of "most consecutive games without a stolen-base ATTEMPT" reached the 600 in a row milestone three nights ago in that difficult 10-8 loss vs. the F-L-A.
Officially, though, The MLB usually only recognizes regular-season streaks, etc ... so, by removing the three NLDS games vs. Colorado last Oct., the 600 in a row landmark was supposed to occur tonight.
Amid enormous fanfare and hoopla.
'Cept the Phils-Brewers was rained out.
And, that might be a good thing, given that WheelBurrell can now pursue his record on the Fox Game of the Week.
As we're all painfully aware, Pat The Bat doesn't concern himself with flights of fancy on the basepaths -- because he's paid $14 mil-per to be the hittin' machine which earned him the "Pat The Bat" distinction.
Although he batted .181 in Aug. (notwithstanding that huge 3-hit, 5-ribbie effort vs. L.A. on the Fox Sat. game three weeks ago), he's lookin' to turn it all around during this huge Sept. push.
Sadly ... he went 0 for 3 vs. the Brew Crew last night, dropping him to .154 (4 for 26) so far this month.
Now, unless he goes crazy and hits something like .623 during these final two weeks, it looks as though "The Bat's" .259 career average will dip slightly.
This could make him less-attractive in the free agent market he's about to enter (unless he re-signs w/ the Phils, ha ha).
Naturally, Burrell's handlers will dodge the sensitive nature of 599 games in a row w/o a SB attempt.
It makes ya chuckle, though.
After all, in his two full seasons in Philly, Jim Thome was 0 for 5 when stealing bases (although he's got one or two -- last time we checked -- since he went to the Chisox).
Also, during the past seven seasons ('02-'08), Greg Maddux is 7 for 7 in stolen-base attempts.
It's quite the conundrum ... especially for those who knew The Bat when he was allegedly athletic enough to play QB for Bellarmine Prep and supposedly athletic enough to play 3B for "The U."
The talk around town is that The Bat has bad wheels ... alleged foot problems which are beyond the realm of "tough-actin' Tinactin."
To us skeptics, it sounds like a cop-out. For proof, we need look no further than Darren Daulton and his 11 knee surgeries ... operations which didn't render him a cripple (during his final season in the bigs, Dutch, at age 35, was 6 for 7 in steals and legged out 8 triples).
Although his triple in the 10-8 loss to the Fish gave The Bat three this season, everybody who loves the guy who goes commando loves the way that it takes two triples to score Burrell from first base.
Whether we claim that the 600th In A Row occurred three nights ago or we say it'll happen tomorrow, it's anyone's guess as to whether Burrell will be wearing Phillie pinstripes when the streak climbs to 700 In A Row.
That's what makes Burrell special.
He's the p-a-t in "basepath" ...
.
.
.
Officially, though, The MLB usually only recognizes regular-season streaks, etc ... so, by removing the three NLDS games vs. Colorado last Oct., the 600 in a row landmark was supposed to occur tonight.
Amid enormous fanfare and hoopla.
'Cept the Phils-Brewers was rained out.
And, that might be a good thing, given that WheelBurrell can now pursue his record on the Fox Game of the Week.
As we're all painfully aware, Pat The Bat doesn't concern himself with flights of fancy on the basepaths -- because he's paid $14 mil-per to be the hittin' machine which earned him the "Pat The Bat" distinction.
Although he batted .181 in Aug. (notwithstanding that huge 3-hit, 5-ribbie effort vs. L.A. on the Fox Sat. game three weeks ago), he's lookin' to turn it all around during this huge Sept. push.
Sadly ... he went 0 for 3 vs. the Brew Crew last night, dropping him to .154 (4 for 26) so far this month.
Now, unless he goes crazy and hits something like .623 during these final two weeks, it looks as though "The Bat's" .259 career average will dip slightly.
This could make him less-attractive in the free agent market he's about to enter (unless he re-signs w/ the Phils, ha ha).
Naturally, Burrell's handlers will dodge the sensitive nature of 599 games in a row w/o a SB attempt.
It makes ya chuckle, though.
After all, in his two full seasons in Philly, Jim Thome was 0 for 5 when stealing bases (although he's got one or two -- last time we checked -- since he went to the Chisox).
Also, during the past seven seasons ('02-'08), Greg Maddux is 7 for 7 in stolen-base attempts.
It's quite the conundrum ... especially for those who knew The Bat when he was allegedly athletic enough to play QB for Bellarmine Prep and supposedly athletic enough to play 3B for "The U."
The talk around town is that The Bat has bad wheels ... alleged foot problems which are beyond the realm of "tough-actin' Tinactin."
To us skeptics, it sounds like a cop-out. For proof, we need look no further than Darren Daulton and his 11 knee surgeries ... operations which didn't render him a cripple (during his final season in the bigs, Dutch, at age 35, was 6 for 7 in steals and legged out 8 triples).
Although his triple in the 10-8 loss to the Fish gave The Bat three this season, everybody who loves the guy who goes commando loves the way that it takes two triples to score Burrell from first base.
Whether we claim that the 600th In A Row occurred three nights ago or we say it'll happen tomorrow, it's anyone's guess as to whether Burrell will be wearing Phillie pinstripes when the streak climbs to 700 In A Row.
That's what makes Burrell special.
He's the p-a-t in "basepath" ...
.
.
.
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Violated By Rule 9, Section 2, Article 2c
That's right, America ... the officials stole the game from the Washington Huskies ... the guys in the zebra outfits, according to some mighty self-righteous media types, committed an unspeakable gang-rape and, thus, decided the outcome of the game which BYU won, 28-27.
America will, most assuredly, put an asterisk next to this result (although, one month from now, that asterisk will have shrunk from "gigantic" to "who gives a crap?"
For those of us who actually watched the game, we are disturbed not by the call of unsportsmanlike conduct against Jake Locker when he was flagged for flinging that football wayyyyyy too high skyward mere moments after he'd crossed the goal line on that TD scramble w/ :02 showing on the clock.
No, we who actually watched the game are hurtin' real bad for BYU's two 245-lb. RBs -- Harvey Unga (23 att., 136 yds.) and Fui Vakapuna (#1 on his jersey, #1 in our hearts who tied the game, 21-21, with that 11-yard TD rumble).
Because of the reaction to the refs (not from a ref's action), Unga and Vakapuna might not receive enough recognition for the heroism they displayed in leading the Coogs' program to its first nonconference road win since beating Utah State in '02 in addition to its first road win vs. a BCS opponent since beatin' Miss. State in '01.
And, for those of us who watched the game, the unsportsmanlike conduct penalty against Locker was no worse of an alleged "blown call" than the three other "misses" earlier in the final minute -- 1) Locker's flip of the football which looked more like a fumble than intentional grounding 2) The pass that D'Andre Goodwin was ruled to have caught when he actually did not possess the ball until he was out of bounds and 3) The no-call against BYU DB Scott Johnston two plays before the Locker's TD when Johnston clearly interferred with Kavario Middleton in the end zone.
Unfortunately, people who DIDN'T watch the game will play judge, jury and executioner with "how we need to change the rules, goddammit!"
Some of us, though (call us the ones who watched the game), are intelligent enough to realize that America needs these rules -- just as we need to flag violators of said rules, even if the application of those rules seems arbitrary and capricious.
Without the yellow hankies thrown against QB rule-breakers, chaos would yield to anarchy -- and, before ya know it, these QBs are in the NFL, breaking rules on a grander scale, such as fathering bastard children out of wedlock (Brady, Leinart) and/or acting as ringleader to dog fighting (Vick).
The Disneyland Football Network known as ESPN will, no doubt, weigh in on this sensitive issue by telling us what to believe and when to believe it.
It's very amusing, to say the least, considering that the Espy Channel plays video montages every 15 minutes of that famous "hard hit" wherein USC LB Rey Maualuga destroys UCLA QB Patrick Cowan in that game from '06.
For those of us who saw THAT play when it happened, we're still waiting for someone somewhere somehow to throw the flag on Maualuga.
You can watch that one on YouTube over and over -- and it still turns out the same.
Maualuga led with the crown (top) of his helmet and smashed it into Cowan's facemask as the QB was going out of bounds ... a hit which should have drawn a personal foul penalty as well as led to Maualuga's ejection from the game.
RIIIIIIIGHT ... as if Myles Brand and/or Pete Carroll give a shit about player safety and/or good sportsmanship.
Ditto for those three eggheads on "College GameDay."
Their lack of outrage is further proof that football is about two things:
1) Talking trash and 2) Thinking about talking trash.
Which is why a class act like Tyrone Willingham probably won't react too angrily (outwardly) about Locker's end-zone antics.
Coach Will knows that the quote-unquote "controversy" didn't have a damn thing to do with why his Husky D yielded 475 yards of total offense and allowed BYU to convert 12 of 14 third downs.
Unfortunately, Tyrone's even-keel temperment is probably going to get him fired at season's end -- and another "real" issue re: college football (such as another quality black head coach getting the axe) will get swept under the carpet because, WHAT AN OUTRAGE, THE REFS STOLE THE GAME!!! WE'VE GOTTA DO SOMETHING!!!
.
America will, most assuredly, put an asterisk next to this result (although, one month from now, that asterisk will have shrunk from "gigantic" to "who gives a crap?"
For those of us who actually watched the game, we are disturbed not by the call of unsportsmanlike conduct against Jake Locker when he was flagged for flinging that football wayyyyyy too high skyward mere moments after he'd crossed the goal line on that TD scramble w/ :02 showing on the clock.
No, we who actually watched the game are hurtin' real bad for BYU's two 245-lb. RBs -- Harvey Unga (23 att., 136 yds.) and Fui Vakapuna (#1 on his jersey, #1 in our hearts who tied the game, 21-21, with that 11-yard TD rumble).
Because of the reaction to the refs (not from a ref's action), Unga and Vakapuna might not receive enough recognition for the heroism they displayed in leading the Coogs' program to its first nonconference road win since beating Utah State in '02 in addition to its first road win vs. a BCS opponent since beatin' Miss. State in '01.
And, for those of us who watched the game, the unsportsmanlike conduct penalty against Locker was no worse of an alleged "blown call" than the three other "misses" earlier in the final minute -- 1) Locker's flip of the football which looked more like a fumble than intentional grounding 2) The pass that D'Andre Goodwin was ruled to have caught when he actually did not possess the ball until he was out of bounds and 3) The no-call against BYU DB Scott Johnston two plays before the Locker's TD when Johnston clearly interferred with Kavario Middleton in the end zone.
Unfortunately, people who DIDN'T watch the game will play judge, jury and executioner with "how we need to change the rules, goddammit!"
Some of us, though (call us the ones who watched the game), are intelligent enough to realize that America needs these rules -- just as we need to flag violators of said rules, even if the application of those rules seems arbitrary and capricious.
Without the yellow hankies thrown against QB rule-breakers, chaos would yield to anarchy -- and, before ya know it, these QBs are in the NFL, breaking rules on a grander scale, such as fathering bastard children out of wedlock (Brady, Leinart) and/or acting as ringleader to dog fighting (Vick).
The Disneyland Football Network known as ESPN will, no doubt, weigh in on this sensitive issue by telling us what to believe and when to believe it.
It's very amusing, to say the least, considering that the Espy Channel plays video montages every 15 minutes of that famous "hard hit" wherein USC LB Rey Maualuga destroys UCLA QB Patrick Cowan in that game from '06.
For those of us who saw THAT play when it happened, we're still waiting for someone somewhere somehow to throw the flag on Maualuga.
You can watch that one on YouTube over and over -- and it still turns out the same.
Maualuga led with the crown (top) of his helmet and smashed it into Cowan's facemask as the QB was going out of bounds ... a hit which should have drawn a personal foul penalty as well as led to Maualuga's ejection from the game.
RIIIIIIIGHT ... as if Myles Brand and/or Pete Carroll give a shit about player safety and/or good sportsmanship.
Ditto for those three eggheads on "College GameDay."
Their lack of outrage is further proof that football is about two things:
1) Talking trash and 2) Thinking about talking trash.
Which is why a class act like Tyrone Willingham probably won't react too angrily (outwardly) about Locker's end-zone antics.
Coach Will knows that the quote-unquote "controversy" didn't have a damn thing to do with why his Husky D yielded 475 yards of total offense and allowed BYU to convert 12 of 14 third downs.
Unfortunately, Tyrone's even-keel temperment is probably going to get him fired at season's end -- and another "real" issue re: college football (such as another quality black head coach getting the axe) will get swept under the carpet because, WHAT AN OUTRAGE, THE REFS STOLE THE GAME!!! WE'VE GOTTA DO SOMETHING!!!
.
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