Saturday, September 27, 2008

Fightin's Hijack Sooner Schooner

We had a serious case of Phillie/Sooner overlap today at the La-Z-Boy Lounge, a Code Orange which escalated to a Code Red once Brad Lidge began pitching and FOX Sports' Tim McCarver began play-by-play duties behind the mike.

And, when Lidge allowed a run and had the bases loaded w/ one out and the only-dangerous National (Ryan Zimmerman) at the plate, well ... once Zimmerman's sharply-hit grounder headed up the middle, the thought that crossed everybody's mind was, "At least in the bottom of the 9th, it'll be pinch-hitter, Rollins and Werth and ..." [scratch that]Rollins went to his knees, made the stop, shoveled to Utley, et cetera, et cetera ... ballgame.

The Phillies are now 2008 N.L. East Division champs, a banner to fly at The Cit next to the 2007 N.L. East Division banner -- flags which SOME PEOPLE thought would be flyin' high over The New Shea Stadium next season.

Right ... as if the New York Mess can just whip up a Constitutional amendment to be ratified in time to ensure their inclusion in the postseason, blah blah blah ...

It was definitely a weird one at The Cit today ... not as tidy as last night when Howard cleared the flower bed for a 3-run homer in the 1st and then Utley rattled one up against the flower bed for a 3-run double in the 2nd before Howard followed that by banging an RBI double off the flower bed-railing for an RBI double ... 7-1, Phils in a display of serious daffodil-denting.

This victory ensures that Hamels can rest up tomorrow and ready himself for the playoff start he'll make Weds. -- and, by that time, maybe McCarver will've finally realized that Roger Bernadina is NOT Emilio Bonifacio.

McCarver's broadcaster sidekick, Tom McCarthy, wasn't available in the booth in the top of the 9th because he was making his way down to the field for interviews.

Hence, McCarver had to fly the plane all by himself and, Christ ... he crashed us into a hillside.

Obviously, the toxins in Tim's Miss Clairol hair products were the cause of the hallucinations which prompted Bernadina to twice be I.D.'ed as Bonifacio before Timmy regrouped to twice call Roger "Bernardino."

Tim McCartney is definitely rounding into postseason form!

And, to our island neighbors in the Dominican Republic (where Bonifacio is from) and in Curacao in the Netherland Antilles (where Bernadina is from), Tim McCrappy would like you to f**k off.

SO, IN THE NIGHTCAP OF THIS SATURDAY TWINBILL, Sam Bradford and Manuel Johnson did a dandy job for the Sooner Schooner with their TD hookups of 76, 55 and 63 yards in the 35-10 win over TCU which will propel OU to the No. 1 ranking (thanks to 'SC's tank job vs. the raging Beavers two nights ago).

The real story here might be that OU MLB Ryan Reynolds capped this eventful Saturday by marrying Scarlett Johansson.

We don't know too many LBs who wear #8 ... and we don't know how a gal named Scarlett feels about the fact that her new husband doesn't actually wear scarlet when he plays, but crimson and [wait a sec.] There's another Ryan Reynolds?

Okay, fine ... but nobody tell McCarver.

It'll mess with his head -- and then he'll take it out on America ...


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