Monday, December 06, 2010

Get Warmed Up, #5 Paul Ernster!

There's a great many folks out there (well, probably more than 4, but maybe less than 22) who are thankful that they didn't sell their ERNSTER 5 Steelers jerseys
on eBay following the SB43 magnificence of two years ago ... especially here in this Ravens Crybaby Corridor wherein the crybaby cries of the crybabies range from "We gave it away!" to "We gave you guys the game!"

What their dismay demonstrates is that 84.3 percent of Ravens fans are pussies (c'mon ... you KNEW that), but it also drowns out the muted sobs of Daniel Sepulveda, who, apparently, tore his ACL during the bloodbath last night and will miss the remainder of the season.

Before we reach out to help our fallen punter, we'll need to console Raven crybabies with comforting words such as, "Maybe your all-star linebacker needs some new dance moves" ... or "Maybe your all-star linebacker needs some different sound bytes for America ... new material instead of 'This is game time!' and 'This is big-boy football! blah blah blah ..." -- or maybe the all-star linebacker needs to tell us who stabbed to death them two boys lyin' in the street and bleedin' out outside the Cobalt Lounge ...

'Nuff 'bout Ray-Ray ... somebody's gotta phone the man who's a lucky rabbit's foot -- Paul Ernster -- and inquire as to his availability for the new job opening.

That is, unless the Steelers brass is eyeing somebody else.

After all, The Ern's 3-day trial wasn't anything to brag about (12 punts, a 31.6 avg.) two yrs. ago when the mighty Mitch Berger was dinged up (after Sepulveda went on IR during preseason).

Yet, Paul T. Ernster made every person who had the guts to buy an ERNSTER 5 jersey damn proud when, one week after he failed to extend the Colts' 40-year losing streak in Pittsburgh, by stretching the Chargers' regular-season record to 0-13 in Pittsburgh when he, as the punter-off-the-street, took the snap from the snapper-off-the-street (Jared Retkofsky) and executed a professional placement for Jeff Reed's chippie FG w/ :11 to play, making the Steelers victorious in the first-ever 11-10 game in NFL history.

You can't buy memories like that.

Now, none of us civilians who don't work in the Steelers' front office knows who'll be brought in to create new memories. But, with the way that Sepulveda keeps gettin' hisself all hurt, maybe the Steelers need to spend the offseason considering the step-two-three-kick stylings of somebody like a Hendrix Blakefield of Western Kentucky or a Kiel Rasp of Washington or maybe even C.J. Feagles of North Carolina.

Hendrix Blakefield and Kiel Rasp (whose names might be real or made-up, nobody's sure) are punters who wear #99 and #94, respectively ... and Kiel Rasp is a soph. and Hendrix Blakefield is a frosh., as is C.J. Feagles.

We don't know if any of 'em is apt to turn pro after this bowl season ... and, Feagles ranked only 113th in the NCAA in avg./punt ... but, THEN AGAIN, he is the son of the man who played more games than anyone in NFL history, SOHHHHH ...

Hendrix Blakefield ...
Kiel Rasp ...
That's frickin' awesome ...

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