Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Get Warmed Up, #5 Piotr Czech!

... 'cuz it seems as though the Steelers' brass (wait ... brass? made of steel?) has had enough of the quirky (or bizarre) Jeff Reed.

We don't know if Piotr Czech (seen here during that breathtaking 17-0 win

over the Bills during the '09 preseason) will be offered a second chance a Steelers PK job (WHICH WAS STOLEN FROM HIM!) during a PK audition in the next few days ... but it is fun to ponder the possibilities of purchasing an authentic (or replica) CZECH 5 Steelers jersey, isn't it?

Perhaps Jeff Reed isn't quite as amused, considering he was axed almost 8 full yrs. to the day when he was signed as an in-season replacement for Todd Peterson (ol' semi-unreliable #2).

Whether it was a concern for peroxide sales or for the safety of towel dispensers in a Sheetz near you, dumping Jeff Reed has all the earmarks of a panic move.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_rAHceHSwBdM/SYZ0nFiJVtI/AAAAAAAAADA/A-EaV_xqDK4/s400/Jeff+Reed.jpg http://www.steelers.com/assets/images/imported/PIT/photos/article/2009_Jeff_Reed_KC.jpg
The simple math was this: 11 of 13 FG on the road, 4 of 9 at home (0-4 in the 40-49 range) ...

True ... it might've been a matter of what was inside (or not inside) Jeff Reed's head -- or maybe it's a matter of finally admitting that the field surface and the crazy crosswinds make Heinz a PK graveyard.

Uh, oh ... word on the street is that something named Shaun Suisham -- not Piotr Czech (or, for that matter, international footballer, Petr Cech) -- will be the new PK on the hot seat.

"Who do you think you are, Shaun Suisham ... an ultra-modern Booth Lusteg?"

This latest development reminds ya a little of what happened to Kris Brown ... the previous #3 PK in black n' gold.

Remember how he led the NFL w/ 44 FGA in '01, but was only 6-15 from 40-49 yds. the first season of Heinz Field?

After he was 86'ed, he was 11-14 from 40-49 yds. for the Texans in '02 ... the first yr. of Reliant Stadium and its kicker-friendly surface.

Analytics such as that probably weren't going to save a guy who gained immense street cred when he destroyed that Sheetz towel dispenser shortly after SB43.

But, now it's "adios" to the man who kicked the FG two seasons ago which provided the winning margin in the only 11-10 game in NFL history.

And it was Jeff Reed's professional PAT as the clock read "0:00" which provided the winning margin last season in the only 37-36 game in NFL history.

We'll never forget his winning FG w/ :17 to play which provided the only points during the lowest-scoring game in the history of Monday Night Football (that classic, 3-0 win over Miami in the Heinz Field slop in '07).

And, most recently, it was Reed's FG in the final seconds three weeks (on the road!) which provided the winning margin in the only 23-22 game in Steelers history (maybe in NFL history, I dunno).

Maybe there were transgressions which we'll never know about -- but, all I know is that Jeff Reed represents the Sheetz Towel Dispenser Destroyer in all of us.

That should count for something, shouldn't it?

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Thursday, November 11, 2010

Who The Hell Is Rachel Coating?

Finestine stumbled into our lives today by working his way onto the local radio, blah blah blah blah ... the rumor that a nearby team (the D.C. Deadskins) "cut their playbook in half" to suit the QB (McNabb) is proof that the message sent by the head coach (Shanahan) is laden with Rachel Coating.

Finestine, the guy who writes the last-page column which you never read in the magazine (the Sporting News) which you don't subscribe to, might've actually used the R-word (a "race cyst") to describe Shanahan (none of us can remember, but the implication was so overt, it was ridiculous) as a summation for the aftermath/fallout of the McNabb-for-Sexy-Rexy benching last Sunday -- and it seems mighty obvious that Finestine if hell-bent on furthering some sort of an agenda.

When Finestine got into a crossfire thing with The Sports Fix's Kevin Sheehan and Thom Lovero -- and then later w/ Steve Czaban -- he fired blanks in all directions in a blind, race-baiting line-of-reasoning which makes Mel Gibson's train of thought seem "reasonable and grounded."

And, that's really sad for the newborn baby of a 54-year-old.
What ... that she's the daughter of a Jew?
No ... that she is the spawn of a loudmouthed slob who has linked Mike Shanahan to Rachel Coating.

Aside from the fact that Finestine would prefer a coach named Rosenberg or Rosenstein (or Goldberg or Goldstein), maybe it all boils down to the fact that he's reading too much into an unconfirmed rumor (sometimes called "a leak").

It's a shame (or a pity ... not sure which) that it had to come to this. After all, if we used Finestine's own flimsy line of reasoning against him, we'd have to revoke his right to be the "color commentator" (term used loosely) on Navy football broadcasts (read: another vehicle for John to blah blah blah blah into a live microphone).

For us American citizens who aren't into the whole synagogue thing, we can't help by wonder if the next time we bump into Finey, we might not say: "Hey-ya, buddy ... what does a doughy, talks-too-much Jewboy like you know about football? I mean, REALLY know about the game. Didja play the sport? Or didja get the crap kicked outta ya by football players before they stole your dreidel and played Frisbee with your yarmulke?"

A long time ago, a lot of realized that fatsos who never played the game shouldn't talk about the game as though they did.
Until we get some laws in this country to restrict dumbshits from doin' dumbshit things, Finestine will be allowed the freedom to do more than gather quotes and regurgitate those quotes.

Oh ... and linger too long near the shower area ...

Johnny needs to stick to the sports he sucks at (tennis, golf, swimming laps at the Y) and allow us to get on with our lives w/o polluting our brains with assertions that Rodge The Commish should be investigating and resolving with a forearm shiver to Johnny's checkbook.

Finey was one step from asserting that Shanahan thinks McNabb is a stupid, lazy N-word -- a fine-able offense, to be sure.

(Yeah, that's what he implied, Rodge ... )

On the lighter side of matter, we COULD employ an open-minded viewpoint wherein we weigh the possibility that Coach Shanny and QB Donny had a wager that an actual Deadskins playbook could not be cut in in half by using a ban saw or a mitre saw.

When the experiment was complete ... "yes! we cut the playbook in half for Donovan TO DEMONSTRATE THAT A MITRE SAW CAN ACTUALLY CUT A 3-RING BINDER AND ITS CONTENTS IN HALF."

Case closed, Feinberg.

So, tell Rachel Coating and her racial coding to sit the hell down and shut the F up.

And, if ya wanna accuse Shanahan of something, put nepotism at the top of the list.

"Son of Shan" (o-coordinator Kyle Shanahan) is barely qualified to sweep the hallways at FedEx Field ...

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Sunday, November 07, 2010

Crucial Fantasy League Update

Since Goodell's NFL is makin' me wait 'til tomorrow night to get together with all my rowdy bobbleheads (when The Steel Curtain crashes down on Carson Palmer and all his Cinshitnati friends), this is the perfect opportunity to check up on my Fantasy League team.

And, what a day it was ... right from the get-go, no less.

On the second play of the game, Joe Greene and Bob Lilly sandwiched Jim Kelly (and basically destroyed him) ... and when the ball squirted loose, Willie Lanier scooped it up and, after straight-arming a feeble tackle attempt by Larry Csonka, he lateraled to Tommy Nobis, who advanced the ball 12 yds. before he lateraled to Spider Lockhart, who carried it the final 33 yds. for the TD.

Just for "kicks," I allowed 2013 HOF inductee Dermontti Dawson to kick the extra point.

IT'S CALLED FANTASY FOOTBALL, PEOPLE! -- not "Is Visanthe Shiancoe Available This Week?"

And, oh, doctor ... the highlight of the second quarter was when Tshmanga Biakabutuka threw that 41-yard halfback option pass to Ifeanyi Uwaezuoke ... a tremdendous play on the pitch and the catch ... but, alas ... each player was waived at halftime.

It's called FANTASY FOOTBALL, people! -- not "Status: Doubtful, Questionable, Probable."

So, in the third quarter, I opted for the Polish QB rotation of Majkowski and Tomczak -- and each responded with perfect-spiral, 75-yard TD passes to Louis Lipps Sinks Ships.

R.W. McQuarters was beaten badly on each TD pass -- which wasn't entirely his fault, considering that he didn't have the safety help he might've hoped for after Jack Tatum was carted off the field in the first quarter after he was run over by John Henry Johnson during a 22-yard TD run.

That cart-off occurred three plays before George Atkinson was carted off the field after he was run over by Marion Motley on a 57-yard TD run.

Today's opponent is somewhat shorthanded at safety because Charlie Waters is blaming Cliff Harris ... Cliff Harris is pointing the finger at Charlie Waters ... and they both got flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct for blaming the Steelers for keeping them out of the Hall of Fame.

While they're on the bench, Spencer Pratt and The Situation are the free safety and strong safety ... and they look mighty confused (D-coordinator Cher just slammed her headset to the ground and head coach Tommy Lasorda just burned another timeout .

[God, this is a great game, here at FantasyLand Stadium ... hard to believe it's only 84-0 ... 'cuz it could've been a lot worse, as play-by-play man, Stan Barron, and color analyst, Jackie Moynahan, have indicated ... ]

"Oh, shit!" Lasorda exclaimed ... linebackers Jack Lambert and Karl Kahl (#53 for West Division High) just aggresively shoved backup QB Herb Kirkstreit out of bounds, Herbie violently collided with the table holding the Gatorade jugs and the end result of such a chain reaction was that the plastic barrels knocked over Georgia Frontiere, who fell backwards into Jerry Jones, who broke his hip and shattered his plastic face ...

"It's called Fantasy Football, people!" -- not The Ticker On The Bottom of My TV Screen Indicates That Jericho Cotchery Has One Reception For 8 Yards.

That was almost amusing as the tackle-eligible play we ran when Gene Hickerson took the handoff from Walter Payton, stiff-armed Hollywood Henderson and then flipped a tackle-eligible/tackle-option TD pass to Fuzzy Thurston, who had reported as an eligible receiver.

Wow! L.C. Greenwood just blitzed, tossed Robert Gallery out of the way and body-slammed the bejabbers outta Kyle Boller

That's the eighth QB we've de-commisioned today.
And, look who's warming up on the visitor's sideline!
It's Ryan Leaf AND Elvis Grbac!

I wish this Fantasy League Sunday never had to end ...

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