Friday, October 26, 2007

VomMatt 4 Hizeminn

That WAS a breathtaking scene on our TV screen last night ... the image which got burned into our brains of that Boston College super-dork fan, standing in the rain in Blacksburg, holding up a t-shirt with the block letters which read: RYAN FOR HEISMANN.

Nobody's really sure if said super-dork was attempting to amuse us with the extra "N" at the end of "Heisman," however, the misspelling on the t-shirt might've actually paled in comparison to the moment when the Disneyland Sports cameras captured the BC QB in question -- Mattt Ryann (the one we're supposed to give the Hizeminn Trofee to) -- standing on the sideline and puking.

Not once, but twice.
The vomit looked a little watery, to be perfectly honest.

Still, it was quite fitting for Day One of the final week of "Rocktober."
And, Rocktober sure went fast, didn't it?
It rocked in with the Rocks rockin' the baseball world -- and now it's ending with the RedRockin'RockSox rockin' the Rockies to sleep while most of us are rockin' on another channel (any channel which isn't isn't hyping the ChowdSox as the modern-day Murderers' Row when we all remember how Jake Westbrook and Paul Byrd crammed it up Beantown's ass in Games 3 and 4 before Sabathia and Carmona couldn't pull the trigger and euthanize Irritation Nation).

A lot of us didn't spend much time cuddling with BC-VT because we were on another channel, agonizing along with Dunder Mifflin's Andy Bernard as he tried to complete the jingle: "Gimme a break / Gimme a break / Break me off a piece of that (Chrysler car! Grey Poupon! Fancy Feast!)."

Life is so much simpler in Scranton, Pa. (even if they DO film "The Office" in L.A.).

No one seemed willing to help Andy with the ending to that jingle -- and god-only-knows if anyone's gonna tell him that the Rockies and Ryan are flukes.
With a capital "F" -- so "break me off a piece of that Chrysler car/Grey Poupon/Fancy Feast!"

Watching Andy struggle with that lyric was almost as painful as watching VT try to knock off BC, the so-called -- extend air-quote fingers here, everybody -- "Number Two team in the nation."

What a sorry nation.

The Hokies had basically trashed Mat Rion's Highsmin hoaps, but then the Eegul QB carved up his opponent during those two drives in the final six minutes, capping it with the winning TD throw to Challenger or Callender or whomever in the final 14 seconds.

There's probably a "story" behind why that knucklehead had an extra "N" in "Heisman."
Or why Beamer saw fit to rush only 3 in the final stages.
Or why B.C. has chosen such an awkward-lookin' font for its game-jersey numerals.

Speaking of numerals, Ryan was puttin' up some lousy ones until the end.
And he was bein' a real bore about it.
Now, it's time to kiss the Hizeminn goodbye, Number 12.

"VomMatt" has no other choice, really, but to accept the fact that, in the pantheon of our all-time fave Chestnut Hill QBs, we're feeling inclined to rank him behind Glenn Foley or maybe Flutie or possibly Elisabeth Hasselbeck's brother-in-law (but not Elisabeth Hasselbeck's hubby) ... and, quite likely, behind our fave Steeler backup QBs from BC -- Mike Kruczek and Brian St. Pierre.

Matty doesn't crack the Top 5, so, no Hisemen will be forthcoming.

Which serves the greater Boston area right for being such as pain in the ass lately.
The re-birth of Kevin Millar as alleged folk hero is undignified and foolish.
This ... because Mariano Rivera walked Kev and his lifetime .268 avg. three years ago instead of grooving a pitch that Kev could've rolled gently to Jeter for the 6-3 putout???

"Let's throw a parade for Ray Bork!"

Beantown wouldn't be the same without its Beanclowns.
Such as the ones who can't spell "Heisman" ...

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