Since Goodell's NFL is makin' me wait 'til tomorrow night to get together with all my rowdy bobbleheads (when The Steel Curtain crashes down on Carson Palmer and all his Cinshitnati friends), this is the perfect opportunity to check up on my Fantasy League team.
And, what a day it was ... right from the get-go, no less.
On the second play of the game, Joe Greene and Bob Lilly sandwiched Jim Kelly (and basically destroyed him) ... and when the ball squirted loose, Willie Lanier scooped it up and, after straight-arming a feeble tackle attempt by Larry Csonka, he lateraled to Tommy Nobis, who advanced the ball 12 yds. before he lateraled to Spider Lockhart, who carried it the final 33 yds. for the TD.
Just for "kicks," I allowed 2013 HOF inductee Dermontti Dawson to kick the extra point.
IT'S CALLED FANTASY FOOTBALL, PEOPLE! -- not "Is Visanthe Shiancoe Available This Week?"
And, oh, doctor ... the highlight of the second quarter was when Tshmanga Biakabutuka threw that 41-yard halfback option pass to Ifeanyi Uwaezuoke ... a tremdendous play on the pitch and the catch ... but, alas ... each player was waived at halftime.
It's called FANTASY FOOTBALL, people! -- not "Status: Doubtful, Questionable, Probable."
So, in the third quarter, I opted for the Polish QB rotation of Majkowski and Tomczak -- and each responded with perfect-spiral, 75-yard TD passes to Louis Lipps Sinks Ships.
R.W. McQuarters was beaten badly on each TD pass -- which wasn't entirely his fault, considering that he didn't have the safety help he might've hoped for after Jack Tatum was carted off the field in the first quarter after he was run over by John Henry Johnson during a 22-yard TD run.
That cart-off occurred three plays before George Atkinson was carted off the field after he was run over by Marion Motley on a 57-yard TD run.
Today's opponent is somewhat shorthanded at safety because Charlie Waters is blaming Cliff Harris ... Cliff Harris is pointing the finger at Charlie Waters ... and they both got flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct for blaming the Steelers for keeping them out of the Hall of Fame.
While they're on the bench, Spencer Pratt and The Situation are the free safety and strong safety ... and they look mighty confused (D-coordinator Cher just slammed her headset to the ground and head coach Tommy Lasorda just burned another timeout .
[God, this is a great game, here at FantasyLand Stadium ... hard to believe it's only 84-0 ... 'cuz it could've been a lot worse, as play-by-play man, Stan Barron, and color analyst, Jackie Moynahan, have indicated ... ]
"Oh, shit!" Lasorda exclaimed ... linebackers Jack Lambert and Karl Kahl (#53 for West Division High) just aggresively shoved backup QB Herb Kirkstreit out of bounds, Herbie violently collided with the table holding the Gatorade jugs and the end result of such a chain reaction was that the plastic barrels knocked over Georgia Frontiere, who fell backwards into Jerry Jones, who broke his hip and shattered his plastic face ...
"It's called Fantasy Football, people!" -- not The Ticker On The Bottom of My TV Screen Indicates That Jericho Cotchery Has One Reception For 8 Yards.
That was almost amusing as the tackle-eligible play we ran when Gene Hickerson took the handoff from Walter Payton, stiff-armed Hollywood Henderson and then flipped a tackle-eligible/tackle-option TD pass to Fuzzy Thurston, who had reported as an eligible receiver.
Wow! L.C. Greenwood just blitzed, tossed Robert Gallery out of the way and body-slammed the bejabbers outta Kyle Boller
That's the eighth QB we've de-commisioned today.
And, look who's warming up on the visitor's sideline!
It's Ryan Leaf AND Elvis Grbac!
I wish this Fantasy League Sunday never had to end ...
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