Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Innocent VICKtim -- Or Future ConVICK-t?

It seems like only yesterday when Michael Vick was teaming up with LaDainian Tomlinson -- as well as with defensive stalwarts Brian Urlacher and Troy Polamalu -- in leading the Marlin Briscoe High Hawks to that last-second victory against "Visitor" in the Nike TV spots.

It definitely was an unusual scenario as the Hawks were trailing Visitor, 14-13, when Vick made the toss to L.T. on the sweep to the right -- except that L.T. pulled up and uncorked that pass crossfield to that Ryan guy in the end zone.

Well, actually, it wasn't "yesterday" -- it was last summer. Most of us are still scratchin' our heads wondering why the Hawks -- with all that firepower on offense and defense -- needed a gadget play to defeat Visitor.

(Answer: 'Cuz when Shula's yer head coach, well ...)

As it turns out, life is not a TV spot for Michael Vick -- and, with the federal indictment which he is now facing, the obvious question becomes: "Will this hurt or help Michael Vick in ESPN's 'Who's Now' competition?"

Wait ... the dude we came to love as Ron Mexico is NOT in the Who Dat competition?

Why dat?

The coolest aspect of naming Vick on a federal indictment is that ESPN, CNN, FOX News, et al. will dredge up lots of file footage wherein we see gruesome dog-on-dog action (blood-stained snouts optional).

For those of us who acknowledge that canines should be runnin' the planet and that humans should be chained to fire escapes, any time that we see the rough footage (usually from a hidden camera) of one dog attempting to destroy another dog, we ask, "How come we can't watch video of what takes place inside a beef "processing" plant wherein cows are slaughtered? Why can't we see footage of poachers stealing elephant tusks? Where's the home video of a drunken uncle teaching his 8-year-old niece about good touching and bad touching?"

It's too early to say if all of this will end up as the first chapter in "Ron Mexico's Pit Bull Awareness Week."
Getting all worked up about this matter doesn't seem to make much sense. After all, Vick ain't out there train robbin' and cattle rustlin' and bootleggin' moonshine.

More important, isn't the NFL supposed to be finding Nicole and Ron's killers -- or sorting out the matter of how Pat Tillman (who referred to himself as "Pat Expletive Tillman") died overseas?

Not to worry, Fantasy Leaguers. We're predicting that after much community service and some heartfelt "I'm sorrys," Vick's gonna be out there doin' what he does best -- scatter-arming rocket passes all over the Georgia Dome.

Go, Briscoe High!

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