There's nuthin' quite like the news judgment of The Winter X Games Network when it comes to reporting last night's death of Darryl Stingley.
On one hand, we could be thankful that the overnight/early Thurs. a.m. carry-over SporkCenter devoted an entire 67 seconds to the news item.
But, in the end, it just goes to show that The Texas Hold 'Em Channel cannot always think on its feet.
Which is why Darryl Stingley received his 67 seconds -- but nearly 5 minutes was devoted to the "Coors Light Cold Hard Facts" segment in which Herb Kirkstreit is summoned to come out of the woodwork and give us 5 minutes of his Herbie-related nothingness.
America didn't learn much about Darryl Stingley, but this nation was left to decide whether it prefers Herbie with or without hair gel (or mousse).
And, in the 6-pack of rhetorical questions, the pick(s) of the litter had to be: "How will Georgia Tech fare without Calvin Johnson?" and the question on everybody's mind, "Will Texas A&M be a force in the Big 12?"
Hard-hitting college football questions during the first week of April ... ya gotta love it.
As one would expect, Herb Kirkstreit gave the typical Herbie-fied answers ... refusing to piss off anyone in Atlanta and College Station by putting some truth into the equation by introducing the "underachiever" quotient.
Herb Kirkstreit: "Blah blah blah blah blah, I'm a cutey-pie ..."
Might as well picture Corso soul-kissing Vitale (and, who amongst you ladies -- and you, too, Berman -- hasn't dreamed of THAT matchup?) to complement the news value of those six "questions"?
Herb Kirkstreit coulda won a few more hearts if only he'd been more truthful or, better yet, philosphical.
"How will Georgia Tech fare without Calvin Johnson?"
"Will Texas A&M be a force in the Big 12?"
First of all, kids ... it's "XII," not "12" (lookit the logo).
Secondly, G-Tech couldn't avoid a 3-game losing streak to end '06 WITH God's-gift-to-football (Calvin Johnson), so, WITHOUT God's-gift-to-football, it does seem as though we're looking at a truly forgettable Yellow Jacket team underachieving its way to a berth in the Crystal Drano Holiday Classic.
As for Texas A&M, well ... wouldn't it be fitting if Texas A&M was the team opposite Georgia Tech in that Crystal Drano Holiday Classic?
A college from Atlanta which prides itself on technology versus a college from College Station, Tex. which focuses on agriculture and manufacturing ... what a perfect marriage.
THAT ... and two QBs who'd be second-stringers in a pickup game of Nerf football on your street ... what a dynamic.
That's the Chris Berman Network for ya -- during this time of the season when the loudmouth is hibernating, EspyTime cannot assmble a decent feature on the life of Darryl Stingley.
The resources are there -- this much we know because when Disney's X Games Channel DOES provide us with features, they are almost always top-notch -- but, sometimes it's easier just to cart out Herb Kirkstreit's talking head just to ease the pain.
If only Herb Kirkstreit had the guts to tell America how New Mexico will recover from gettin' its Lobo ass kicked by San Jose State in the inaugural New Mexico Bowl.
It's a sad truth ... when New Mexico loses the New Mexico Bowl, America is poorer for it.
By the way, the last time any of us saw Big XII football in action, the conference champion (Oklahoma) was gettin' suckered in the Fiesta Bowl by a hook-and-ladder, a WR-turned-HB-option TD pass on 4th down and a Statue of Liberty, game-winning 2-pointer.
Sadly, that was the last hook-and-ladder / WR-turned-HB-option TD pass on 4th down / Statue of Liberty, game-winning 2-pointer moment that Darryl Stingley ever saw.
And now he won't be around for the second-annual New Mexico Bowl.
Or the Bell Helicopters Bowl ...