Friday, April 06, 2007

9,959 ... 41 to go!

They could've folded up their tents ... they could've rolled over ... they could've gone home with a 15-1 loss to punctuate a painful, 3-game sweep by Mylanta, but NO! The Fightin' Phils would have no part of that.
They scratched out three run in the bottom of the 9th yesterday to make an 8-1 ballgame a respectable, 8-4 final.

Three losses in three tries might be cause for concern everywhere from Bryn Mawr to Bala Cynwyd, but, hey ... that merely gets us to Historic Loss No. 10,000 that much sooner.
Possibly before the All-Star Break, rather than after.

For those who are looking to attend Historic Loss No. 10,000 and are planning a special "Throw Something Onto The Field From The Upper Deck" tribute to the ex-Phillies bussed in for the occasion (probably Rick Schu and Gregg Jefferies w/ special guest star appearances by Sil Campusano and Bruce Ruffin), now is as good a time as any to pick out which of your sweatshirts or trousers have the best pockets for filling up with 9-volt batteries.

Cargo shorts are a good idea because they tend to have several outer pockets.

(Note: Most of us are in agreement that a 9-volt battery buzzing past Mark Whiten's ear or glancing off of Jeff Juden's shoulder would've meant so much more from the top deck of The Vet as opposed to stretegic perches from The Cit -- and, everyone knows that a 9-volt is better than a AA when the game plan calls for "distance AND accuracy")

The only drawback to this game being on the workplace TV with the sound off (and a work day in progress) was that work-related tasks were taking place when Joe Bisenius made his MLB debut for the Phils when he took the mound for that enormous stiff, Atom Eat 'Em.

When we had the lab boys piece together the crime, we learned that Joe Bisenius was immediately greeted by a 2-run double off the bat of Scott Thorman (whatever the F a Scott Thorman is).

In Joe Bisenius' first full IP in the bigs, he really found his groove -- especially when it came to facing somebody named Kelly Johnson, who'd homered in his (or her) previous AB.
Atom Eat 'Em simply wasn't smart enough or talented enough to see that Kelly Johnson is a weakling who might hit .236 this year (if God drops everything else) -- so it was up to Joe Bisenius' testosterone level to make Kelly Johnson take a called third strike.

For those of you who know your way around an official scorebook, this means that we now must always spell Kelly Johnson's first name with a backwards K.

If only this keyboard had a backwards K on it.

Speaking of backwards, that's the way we're counting as "the magic number" might dip below 40 before the end of the weekend series which begins tonight in Miami (and what promises to be an electric Marlins' average crowd of probably 12,000).

Then again, attendance could receive a major boost if fans come out to witness Joe Bisenius and his three-pitch repetoire: "The Crippler" ... "The Emasculater" ... and "The Widow-Maker" ...

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