Thursday, March 29, 2007

The Real "Throwdown" Of "Throwdown Thursday"

Since it was the only game on the docket -- the MasterCard NIT Championship featuring Wuss Virginia vs. Clumsy for all the NIT marbles -- ESPN didn't package it as part of a "Throwdown Thursday."
And based on what these opponents have offered this season (Wuss Virginia = wayyyyy too many brickified 3-balls ... Clumsy = a handsome 17-0 record which was compiled by, ummm ... wait, how'd Clumsy get to 17-0, anyway?), it would've been a mistake to settle in with the NIT from MSG on RD.
NIT = National Invitational Tournament ...
MSG = Madison Square Garden ...
RD = "Regular-definition" ...

Right ... as if America needs to see WVU's 7-foot skinhead, Jamie Smalligan (#43, just in case you lost your roster), acting all gangly and skinheadish in his black socks and black sneakers in hi-def ...
Not when NBC has five episodes of "The Office" slated for 5 of the 6 half-hour slots during the network's 8-11 p.m. platter.
Face it, Roundball Rodney ... five episodes of "The Office" vs. five b-ballers from any team ... that's a 5-on-5 that the shot-brickers and the stepping-on-the-baseliners simply cannot win.

Especially not when Jim is borrowing a mini-van to drive Dwight to the hospital and he has to repeatedly spray water from the spray bottle he found to keep Dwight and Michael in check.

Y'see, college b-ball is only funny when WVU is goin' 9 of 42 "from beyond the arc" (as what transpired against Pitt earlier this year). And, it's only entertaining when WVU is goin' 7 of 31 "from distance" (as what happened against Lousyville last month).

Most of us realize that the only thing more-annoying than the NIT championship is the WOMEN'S NIT championship, but not everyone knows that, yes ... it's fun to call 'em "Wuss" Virginia ... or West Vagina ... or even "the West Virginia Meltdowneers" -- but, it's never cool to shake n' bake all three and call 'em "the Wuss Vagina Meltdowneers."
And, we'd never do what ESPN did earlier this year and offer any facetime to that bozo with the navy blue sweatshirt which read: WEST (in yellow, block letters), FUCKING (in white, block letters) and VIRGINIA (in yellow, block letters).

Look ... even if everyone is calling coach John Beilein "the second coming" or "the new messiah," let's all realize that Coach never told his team -- when it was going 9 of 41 on 3-balls vs. Pitt -- "hey, fellas, howzabout making some of those 3's?"

Beilein's been ridin' that 3-ball train for three seasons now (Gansey! Pittsnogle! Beilein, Jr.!) ... which is why he won the junior-college trophy tonight.
Seriously ... how difficult is it to coach a team which misses 32 of 41 three-balls?
What is the X-and-O strategy involved there?
Aunt Trudi can knock down 9 of 41 treys.
In fact, most of us have seen her drain 17 of 41.

But, let's give credit where credit is due -- Beilein IS the head coach of the 66th best-program in America (depending on how you feel about the Niagara-Florida A&M "play-in" game for the undisputed, 64th-best team in America title).

Most of us, though, don't believe that Beilein can out-coach Dwight Schrute.
And, we aren't bored enough to find out ...

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