Monday, December 18, 2006

Steeler Miracle Network

It'll probably take no less than three Hail Marys and four Immaculate Receptions to get the Steelers into the playoffs now -- but, dammit, sometimes, a miracle is the only justice we have. That's likely what Cowher Power will tell his troops after practice tomorrow.
After tonight's Indy win over Cincy (watch out, world, Who Dey is "fuh reel!" ... there's no way Peyton Manning can overcome his team's 32nd-ranked run defense).

The playoff paradigm looks like a big, ol' Rubik's Cube for the TerribleTowelistas, particularly given a myriad of tiebreakers which don't appear to work in the Steelers' favor.

NY Jets 8-6 (@ Miami, vs. Oakland) ... loses both, finishes 8-8

Jax Jags 8-6 (vs. NE, @ KC) ... loses to NE, loses to KC ... finishes 8-8
Denver 8-6 (vs. Cincy, @ 'Frisco) ... loses to Cincy, loses to SF ... finishes 8-8
Cincy 8-6 (@ Den, vs. PITT) ... beats Denver, loses to Pitts ... finishes 9-7
STEELERS 7-7 (vs. Billickmore, @ Cincy) ... wins both, finishes 9-7
KC 7-7 (@ Oakland, vs. Jax) ... loses to the Raiders, beats Jax ... finishes 8-8
Buff 7-7 (vs. Tenn, @ Billickmore) ... beats Tenn., loses @ Balt ... finishes 8-8
Tenn 7-7 (@ Buff, vs. NE) ... loses both, finishes 7-9

If the Vikes had come through against the Jets yesterday and if the Cards coulda delivered against Denver, wow ... there'd've been two 8-6 teams and six 7-7 squads involved in the logjam for the No. 5 and No. 6 playoff seeds.
(It's fun to make contractions out of clumsy, passive words such as "there would have" ... chainsawing it into "there'd've" ...)

Then again, if the Curtain hadn't dicked around against the Raiders and the Falcons, well ... they'd be 9-5 now and not needing help from OakTown and 'Frisco during the final two weeks.
Hence, a postseason future doesn't seem very Steeleristic.
Seems like a good time to break out the ol' axiom about making one's bed and lying in it.
Available brunette sold separately.

The past three weeks have been fun as the Steelers' D was abusive to three opponents w/o QBs (Gradkowski, Anderson and Weinke mustered 3, 7 and 3 points, respectively).
(It's almost a shame to use a derivative of the word "respect" there because neither of the three has earned a speck of it in the NFL ... not yet, anyway)

On the other hand, rookie Anthony Smith was mighty disrespectful when he picked off that pass and immediately did a Deionesque dance during the runback.
If it wasn't for the ToBeWaivedIn'09 Smith showin' similar footwork when Braylon Edwards beat him on that 4th-down pass play on that Thursday nighter, the Steelers would be in the midst of three consecutive games w/o allowing a TD.
Not that such a streak would mean dick heading into the showdown against Billickmore, who comes to Heinz with God's Linebacker (as he was so dubbed by the SI Cover Jinx).

God's Linebacker and the Coach With The God Complex ... they are NOT what should have ya worried. It's the depleted and still highly-suspect secondary which could prove most-problematic.

Nothing hurt worse in the 27-0 loss at Billickmore than McNair sat out the final 10 minutes so that Krappy Kyle could direct the Bollermore offense which he once ruled with an iron fist.

Guess we'll see what the Black N' Gold has remaining in the tank ...

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