A Saturday w/o Fowler, Corso and Herb Kirkstreit sellin' their snake oil and rah-rah chants of "this is what makes college football great," well ... let's just say that it's better to have Betty Nguyen as a part-time squeeze rather than a full-timer.
She's good mistress material when the bozos at the World's Strongest Man network are becoming redundant and monotonous, but, ya never wanna make her your permanent Saturday gal because, before ya know it, she's twistin' yer arm to go antiquing or wine-tasting.
So, you move on and start obsessing with the pink-haired gal in the Esurance commercials -- 'cuz, after all, when she's doin' her thang in that 30-second spot where she's playing football vs. her rival (those giant robots), that's more football action than America gets any time that LameDay is broadcasting the irrelevant ramblings of Leak Orso or Herb Kirkstreit.
Today ... they aren't "comin' to my sittt-tayyy!"
So, yeah ... in keeping within the watchability parameters, we went with Nebraska vs. Stanford chicks NCAA championship volleyball. Dani Busboom seemed the most-date-able and ESPN's Heather Mowins was better at saying the name of Stanford's "Koluke Akinradewo" than any CBS announcers were this season when it came to saying the name of Navy QB Kaipo-Noa Kaheaku-Enhada.
That's right, America ... Heather Mowins is twice the pro that CBS' Jack Bolercraig and Eon Igloo are.
Heather's probably less-PMS-ey, too, but that's just a guess.
BTW, there was no use gettin' all tangled up in the Division II or D-III football championship games, won by Grand Valley State and Mount Union, respectively.
FTR, that was GVSU's 9th title in the past 14 years and The Mount's fourth title in the past five years ... proving, once again, that A PLAYOFF SYSTEM SIMPLY DOES NOT WORK IN AMERICA.
Speaking of "playoffs," the Steelers' big run for the postseason takes an out-of-the-way, day-tripper to Charlotte for a tussle w/ the Panthers.
The Black N' Gold has never won in Carolina, but that's only because the Steelers have only played there once (1996).
Ya gotta wonder if Big Ben and Fast Willie have fond memories of the last time that they were on the same field in Carolina ... the season opener in '02 when Roethlisberger's Miami Red Hawks invaded Kenan Stadium to mix it up with Parker's UNC Tar Heels during an afternoon-long steady drizzle.
Mrs. PF7 bought her Pitchfork a white poncho w/ several Carolina-blue "NC" logos on it so that he'd remain mostly dry during a game which featured nine turnovers.
We stayed dry, all right ... because sometime during Turnovers No. 6, 7, 8 and 9, we were in the UNC bookstore, looking to score quality Tar Heel swag.
Fast Willie (before he was Fast Willie) had maybe one or two carries in that game for something like three or four yards.
Big Ben was nuthin' to write home about in the Hawks' 27-21 win over the defending Peach Bowl champions.
(SIDEBAR: The Mrs. still gets a hearty chuckle when her Pitchfork re-enacts the aftermath of the '98 Virginia-Virginia Tech game -- or, if you prefer, "UVa. vs. VPI" -- when that Cavalier player excitedly hopped about following the victory and shouted to the ESPN camera, "We're going to the Peach Bowl! Peach Bowl, baby!" ... to which ESPN broadcaster Ron Franklin clamly and professionally replied, "That's the Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl to you, young man." ++++ Class act all the way, that Ron Franklin -- which is why ESPN buries him on its Saturday lineup along with the pro's pro of sideline reportage, Dr. Jerry Punch -- so that we can get more of the incoherent, non-pertinent babblings of Paul Maguire and/or Lispy Lou Holtzmushmouth ... and, to top it all off, the word "Peach" has been impeached from the name of the bowl game, leaving America with the "Chick-fil-A Bowl," those damn sons of peachists -- but at least the Steelers will duke it out tomorrow in ex-Ericsson Stadium, now-Bank of America Stadium at the site of this year's Meinecke Car Care Bowl, which used to be the Continental Tire Bowl ... )