Monday, July 26, 2010

Matt Garza Did What Again?

They're sayin' that Matt Garza tossed a no-no tonight ... yet, for a lot of us, the only time we wanna hear Matt Garza's name is to complete the following sentence:

"Game 3 was tied, 1-1, in the bottom of the second until Carlos Ruiz untied it with a solo home run off of Matt Garza."

The only other time I wanna hear Matt Garza's name is when it's used to begin this sentence:

"Matt Garza's undoing occurred in the bottom of the sixth when he allowed back-to-back homers to Chase Utley and Ryan Howard to give the Phillies a 4-1 lead."

Or ... Matt Garza's name could be used here, I suppose:

"Matt Garza was let off the hook to receive a 'no decision' when first-base umpire Tom Hallion -- who was desperately and unprofessionally out of position -- ruled Carl Crawford safe at first after Howard smartly barehanded Jamie Moyer's diving shovel-toss BEFORE Crawford touched the base."

If none of those suit my fancy, I'll have no other choice but to use Matt Garza's name to complete this sentence:

"Matt Garza and the rest of his Tampa Bay teammates dejectedly exited the dugout moments after the Phillies' winning rally was furnished by Eric Bruntlett getting hit in the ass by a pitched ball before he stole second, continued to third on Dioner Navarro's throwing error and eventually scoring the winning run on a walk-off, 47-foot dribbler by Ruiz at 1:47 on probably the greatest Sunday morning in Phillies history ... a Sunday which was capped by Matt Garza (and me ... and the Mrs.) in the ballpark for the Game 4, 10-2 romp which capped the unquestioned greatest Sunday in Phillies history."

Matt Garza threw a no-hitter tonight?
Beee ... efff ... deee ... *
(* -- The acronym for Big Fuckin' Deal ... )

It matters not what Matt Garza THINKS he achieved tonight.
What matters is that Matt Garza was there when we needed him.
Just as Edwin Jackson was here (see above) when we needed somebody from the '08 Rays to groove a meaty pitch that Joe Blanton could crank for a laser-beam homer into the LCF seats beyond the flower bed during that unforgettable Game 4.

And, since his no-no against his former team one month ago (during this, "The Year of the Pitcher," wink wink, ha ha), Edwin Jackson has logged some quality mound time for the D-Backs:

A 1-3 record w/ a 6.85 ERA.

Let's all sing it together:

YEAR ... !
OF ... !
(MY ASS!) ... !

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