Saturday, February 21, 2009

Gym Dandies (An Ode To "Strap")

THOSE B-BALL GAMES ON TV TODAY ... in a word: "ShamWow!"

What heart-stoppers.

First, we saw Coach Dale get himself kicked out of the game against Dugger, so it was up to Shooter to draw up the winning play -- the Picket Fence, which Merle (#12) drained because he didn't "get caught watching the paint dry ..."

OHMIGOD ... then in the regional brawl vs. Terhune (at Deerlick), wouldn't ya know that Strap (#53) would come off the bench and make some nifty moves for a pair of critical baskets late (after Coach Dale had instructed him specifically to shoot only if he was all alone under the basket ... well, that's the Lord's strength for ya ... you can feel it ... ).

Then, Hickory survived the sectional tussle vs. Linton at Jasper (home of Scott Rolen, FYI) when Ollie came off the bench and nailed those two Granny-shot free throws.

Just as people tend to forget how close Linton's desperation halfcourt heave at the buzzer came to going in (that ball caught PLENTY of rim), they also forget that in the state championship game vs. South Bend Central the play in which Jimmy Chitwood buried the straight-away, 20-footer at the final horn was originally designed to be the Picket Fence play w/ Merle taking the decisive shot.

Jimmy: "I'll make it."

DELETED SCENE: The moment when the Hickory Huskers break from the sideline huddle and Merle says to Jimmy, "You fuckin' miss this and I'm gonna take yer fuckin' skull and smash it through the fuckin' bus windshield."

NUTHIN' BUT NET! (cue triumphant music w/ the bold horn section & drum accompaniment)

What can ya say? Encore had "Hoosiers" on the playlist this morning ... and, well ... when you're married to a gal who lived in that state when the movie had its nationwide release 25 yrs. ago (although she's never been a fan of the actress who played Myra Fleener), well ... it was either Encore or it was a trip downstairs to the DVR to re-connect with one of three champions from '08 (Hockeytown, The Fightin's, Terrible Towel Triumph ... difficult choices, to be sure ... ).

College b-ball 2009?
Don't go there, girlfriend!

Seriously ... does that look like Hickory vs. Cedar Knob to you?
Do you see Hickory playin' Oolitic?

All they give us nowadays is some Wronghorn player baby-tappin' Blake Griffin in the face -- and then Blake's gotta sit for the remainder of the game ... and then all we get is A.J. Abrams camping along the 3-point line ... camping, camping, camping ... then, he knocks down a 3-ball or two and he's hailed as some sorta new messiah (FYI: He's 21 of 80 on 3-balls in UT's eight losses ... fuckin'-A, that's 26 percent ... you could have a blood-alcohol level of .15 and still knock down 3 of every 11 3-balls, which is 27 percent ...).

Aside from the fact that he mostly sucks, A.J. Abrams is truly a swell player ...

That is, aside from the fact that his game is VERY limited.

Other than that, yup ... he's a real gym dandy ...

His white-boy counterpart is Devendork of Sorrycuse, who, last time we checked, had 5 off. rebs. this season.

You could fall out of your dorm-room window and get at least two off. rebs.

The thing is, Abrams and Devendork are complete pussies -- and here's yer proof: Abrams is an 87 percent career FT shooter; Devendork is somewhere around 80 percent.

Alas, the only times those guys sniff the foul line is if somebody with a blood-alcohol level of .15 crashes into them while they're camping, camping, camping along the 3-point line.

Soft ...
Weak ...
Incomplete ...

Ya'd think that with the great recruiting that Barnes and Boeheim do ("$$$$$hhhhh ... nobody said anything about cheating or pathetic graduation rate$ ..."), they'd put together something a lot better than this.

$ure ain't like the ol' day$ when UCLA booster, $am Gilbert, wa$ a$$isting Wooden in the building of a dyna$ty ...


No comments: