Monday, March 03, 2008

Tragedy During Jamie Smalligan's Senior Night

There was "an incident" tonight ...

It was a real lowlight which marred the special night in which the new hero of the La-Z-Boy Federation -- 7-foot senior JAMIE SMALLIGAN -- came off the court and received a bear-huggy from Coach Huggy Bear (as the TV cameras showed Huggy's proud papa wearing a t-shirt which read: Proud Parent of A Coach Whose Player Graduation Rate At Cin-shit-nati Was 11.8 as he soaked in the moment.

However, several hundred miles west of Morgantown, WVa., a disastrous circumstance was unfolding ... something dark, lurid and downright mean.

What transpired in Lawrence, Kansas overshadowed a special night for 7-foot Jamie Smalligan, who turned in a special effort in his final home game (9 minutes, one shot attempt -- a 3-ball, which he missed -- 1 rebound, 2 assists).

In the big picture, however, the Kansas Jaywalks' 109-51 victory over O'Reilly Auto Parts-Lubbock Division reduced 7-foot Jamie Smalligan's performance-for-the-ages to a sidebar.

Whoa, whoa, whoa ... hold the phone ... nobody's sayin' that we actually watched these ballgames (even though both were broadcast as part of the Big Monday double-dip package which ya hear/read so much about).

What we did was engage in a 5-minute "look-in" ... like what CBS does during the tournament when it offers America a glimpse of unknown South Alabama vs. nobody-cares-about-Pittsburgh during an NCAA first-rounder.

We've already discussed our 5 minutes spent on the raw emotion on display in Morgantown ... but, the 5 minutes spent watching the Jaywalks completely violate the Red Rovers, wow ...

Evisceration and emasculation (not necessarily in that order).

At almost the midway point of the first half, Kansas was up by 4 (20-16).

At almost the midway point of the second half -- when we tuned in -- the lead had ballooned to 41 (77-36).

Then somebody named Jeremy Case sank a 3 to make it 80-36.

Then, Jeremy Case sank a 3 to make it 85-38.

Then, Jeremy Case sank a 3 to make it 88-38.

A little more than a minute later, Jeremy Case assisted on a 3 and a layup to make the score 93-40 with 7:14 to play.

The question America will spend all day Tuesday asking: "What the F is a Jeremy Case?"

Well, he's a Jaywalk who barely plays (6 of 20 on 3-balls this season), but he's somebody who was torching O'Reilly Auto Parts when his team was up by 40.

Meanwhile, on the O'Reilly Auto Parts bench, senior center Esmir Rizvic (18 minutes, 6 rebounds, 0 of 3 from the floor, 0 points) turned to junior forward Damir Suljagic (13 minutes, 2 rebounds, 0 of 2 from the floor, 0 points) and asked, "Is this what Coach Knight meant by 'being tired' when he ditched us and left us with Junior?"

It got so rough for the Rough Riders that Tyler Hoffmeister -- winner of that grueling "Knight School" competition two years ago -- got 5 minutes of PT.

Since Lubbock's leading newspaper -- the Avalanche-Journal -- is the acting apologists for The Knight Family (lest the paper tell it like it is and watch Papa Knight refuse to donate another penny to the university), the headline in tomorrow's paper is likely to be: "TECH GIVES IT THE OL' COLLEGE TRY; COMES UP SHORT IN ROAD LOSS AT KANSAS" instead of the appropriate headline of either: "WINNERS NEVER QUIT, QUITTERS NEVER WIN, TECH SUCKS" or "IF A 58-POINT SODOMIZATION IS INEVITABLE, SIT BACK AND ENJOY IT."

Junior's postgame remarks were non-sensical.

Actual quote: "I feel like someone put a meat necklace around my neck and threw me into a lion's den."
(Actual interpretation: "Why did you do this to me, Papa?")

Another actual quote: "The thing that upsets me again, just like the A&M game, is that we didn't compete. I had guys that I honestly thought looked scared when they got out there on the court. Not one guy showed up tonight."
(What he really meant: "Lubbock's Mexican eateries are OK, but El Paso's are better.")

Actual quote, part III: "What I need to do is have a heart and brain transplant during a timeout. But I can't do that."
(Translation: Junior's brain is as scrambled as Papa's. And, he may be suffering some type of arrythmia.)

Thanks, Big Monday.

We learned a lot ...

No comments: