Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The Obvious Bobby Petrino Punchline

No one's sure if it's bumper-sticker-worthy, but it's apt:

"Arkansas has a 'Dick' for a quarterback -- and a dick for a head coach."

You're right, America: "Dickhead" is probably more applicable for Petrino, considering how he is the head coach.
Besides, it's not Casey Dick's fault that he got stuck with that last name -- although he can take solace in the fact that he's not QB Chris Smelley of South Carolina, who most of us known only as "Smelley 'Cock."

Now, for those of us who might be Steeler fans, the name "Dick" (as it pertains to a coach) has a positive connotation, given that this is 70-year-old, D-coordinator Dick LeBeau's 49th year in the NFL (14 yrs. as a Detroit Lion DB, 1959-72 ... 35 yrs. as a coach, '73-present).
And, "no" ... we'll never forget you, Dick Hoak (10 yrs. as a Steeler halfback, '61-'70 ... 35 yrs. as a Steeler backfield coach, '72-'06 ... retiring three days before Cowher resigned last Jan.).

With the recent passing of former 49er field boss, Dick Nolan, we've given a lot of thought to Dicks in '07.
That's why Petrino deserves more dickhead than dick consideration, vis-a-vis dickhead-vs.-dick paradigms.

Everybody's pilin' on Petrino pretty good today, justifiably so, it seems, given the litany of back-stabbings and bailouts.
And, to think, it was less than one week ago at ESPN's college football awards show when America was forced at gunpoint to pay homage to Arkansas legend Frank Broyles.
How appropriate that a segment of that celebration was that taped kiss-ass message from Bill Clinton.
Phony as it was, Jerry Jones was a little too "hands-on" during that stage of the production.

As proud Americans, we all secretly hoped that Chris Fowler would've displayed the cajones that he once had when he was this nation's third-favorite Scholastic Sports America host (after Sharlene Hawkes and Dan Debenham) and re-assumed control of the program by bludgeoning somebody with his mike.
Alas, Fowler is a Broyles/Clinton/Jones puppet.
There's sawdust and confetti where Fowler's cajones once were.

"At the end of the day," it is not the responsibility of the Haystack Heroes to debate the Petrino fallout. That's for Wolf Blitzer and his fancy-schmancy Situation Room (and for Nany Grace when she returns from maternity leave).
What WE need to dial into are the sound bytes that the local radio has been playin' this week wherein Charles Barkley offers some insight into the Alabama governorship.

As for the state of affairs in that sorry state, Sir Charles says, "We're 48th in everything."
Is that all?
"If it wasn't for Arkansas and Mississippi, we'd be 49th or 50th."

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