As the clock inches just a hair past Monday midnight, everybody's gettin' ready to get some shut-eye, 'cuz, come sun-up, everybody's gonna have their Tuesday Morning Quarterback game face on as they break down that epic, 3-0 win by the Steelers over Miami's Sea Mammals which wrapped up shortly ago.
No doubt, there'll be a great many of these Tues. A.M. QBs fillin' up message boards with the 455 ways in which the Steelers didn't generate much hope of beating the undefeated Patriots two weeks from now with this effort against the winless porpoises-without-a-purpose.
Given the goop that the teams were playing in tonight, sometimes the most viable way to sum up the outcome is to rewind to that movie from 20 years ago when the veteran Chicago cop-on-the-beat (Malone) told that go-getter from the Justice Dept. (Ness) that the First Rule of policework is ... "make it home alive."
Of course, such an observation doesn't totally sink in until we use our best Sean Connery accent to drive the point home with, "And here endeth the lesson ..."
We don't know if this 3-0 victory over Miami is the necessary character-builder for taking down the perfect Pats two weeks from now, but, it's a W, despite the lack of artistry, glamor and showbiz appeal.
We do know that this is better than a 3-0 loss, which was looking like a very real possibility midway through the 4th when Miami was mounting a mini-drive as the score was tied 0-0.
If it was the objective of Dirk McGirder (the Steeler mascot who STILL is NOT receiving enough TV facetime) to improve the MNF record to 13-0 under Cowher/Tomlin and to retain the No. 3 position for the AFC playoffs (meaning a first-rounder @ Heinz vs. the No. 6-seeded knuckleheads -- likely Cleveland -- before a trip to Indy in Round 2), well ... mission accomplished.
And, as Tomlin pointed out a few moments ago, the rookie punter -- "Sepple Veyda" -- was a big reason for that.
Iron Mike praised Sepple Veyda's ability to bottle up the bottle-nosed mammals deep in their end of the muck with some directional punting -- still, many of us saved our standing O for the rook getting Chris Warren's long snap down and executing a perfect placement for Jeff Reed's game-winning FG with 14 ticks remaining on the clock.
Sepple Veyda was a quality middle man in the Warren/Sepple Veyda/Reed paradigm.
LOOK ... we call him Dirk McGirder because Steely McBeam is a chick's name -- but, we call "Sepulveda" by his new nickname ("Sepple Veyda") because that's how the Jets' radio play-by-play clown (we call him "a tool") referred to the rookie punter last week.
For those of us who were born n' raised (and sometimes wore a Steelers t-shirt when visiting the) Sepulveda District of SoCal, we are thankful that the NYJ broadcasting hack didn't bother with Sepulveda's first name, lest he referenced the punter as "Danielle" and not "Daniel."
New York's full of 'em -- which means it's perfect for the Jets ... playin' their home games across the river in East Rutherford ... in "GIANTS" Stadium, not Jets Stadium.
Of course, Heinz Field was no picnic last night during conditions which can only be described as "Fuamatu-Ma'afala-esque."
When it's THAT muddy, perhaps the only practical use for the field would've been to have Michelle Tafoya and Suzy Kolber strip down to their scivvies and "have at it."
That may not sound very PC to someone named "Steely McBeam" -- but, since his name is Dirk McGirder, it doesn't matter.
Sepple Veyda nods approvingly.
And, J-Peazy? How will we remember his return?
Sure ... J-Peazy was a quality player for 7 seasons in The Burgh -- however, the #55 on the all-time Steeler roster in many of our hearts will always belong to Jon Kolb.
Also, there's a lot of us who woulda put Bryan Hinkle ahead of J-Peazy on the 75th Annivesary Team. It's not Bry's fault that during his 13 years in Black N' Gold (compared to 7 for Porter), he was on some mighty mediocre squads.
So, tell Peezee to pick up his 75th Anniversary Certificate of Merit, his 75th Anniversary key chain and his 75th Anniversary 30-oz. travel mug and to get out the house.
Only 5 more L's under the tutelage of Cam Cameron and the 0-16 nightmare is in the books.
(Note: Cam Cameron had a soft, delicate first name similar to "Steely" -- that is, until he went all tough guy and changed "Malcolm" to "Cam" ... mostly because somebody already had dibs on "Joe Lunchpail")
Anyway, most of us have decided that "Yes, we'll keep this 3-0 victory" -- and we'll hope that the field tightens up a little better for that Sunday nighter vs. the underachieving Bengals.
Gotta have a fast track so that Ocho Stinko can "go off" for five catches for 56 yards, WOW!