Once again, the puggle -- not to mention "the schnoodle" -- got jobbed.
That's what happens when the Westminster Kennel Club gets all snooty with its bourgeois attitude and "pure-bred" logic.
What it means to America is that we'll get an even larger lump in our throat every time we hear David Ducovny narrating the Pedigree dog food commercial in which we see a montage of mixed-breed dogs peering out from behind chain-link barriers.
There's no way around it: The WKC promotes the worst type of stereotyping -- something we know as "profiling."
Which is why the cross-breeds of pug + beagle = "puggle" and schnauzer + poodle = "schnoodle" will never gain acceptance -- let alone a "best in show" ribbon -- among the so-called canine "elite."
Luckily, there is a defender of the mutts -- and it's: rotweiler + hand-puppet = Triumph The Insult Comedy Dog.
Triumph acknowledges the Fifi-types and informs us, "I schtooped her."
Regardless of this elitism, tonight's winner in the 131st edition of the WKC's fashion show wasn't the worst choice in the world -- an English spaniel.
The good news? At least it wasn't a clumber spaniel.
The bad news? This is the second time that a springer spaniel has won in the past eight WKC shows. "Diamond Jim" follows in the footsteps of "Samantha," the springer spaniel who won in 2000.
Sadly, in the 131 years of this prestigious show, the Golden Retriever has never captured top honours.
That's some serious anti-Retrieverism in action.
And there's no excuse for it.
Diamond Jim and "Harry" (the Dandie Dinmont co-owned by Bill Cosby) were two of the favourites in this show -- and while neither was as offensive as any toy poodle which has ever won its best-of-breed classification, neither Jim nor Harry were was handsome as the PBGV (Petite Basset Griffon Vendeen).
Now that ya mention it, of all the spaniels in this dog's world, the Cavalier King Charles Spaniel probably gets the nod as the best.
Tonight's winner had a full "official" name of "Felicity's Diamond Jim" -- which is a lot better than the Kuvasz which finished fourth in the Working group ("Szumeria's Wildwood Penny From Heaven") and the Dalmation which finished third in the Non-Sporting group ("Merry Go Round Mach Ten").
Here at the Haystack Hideaway, the official team mascot of this domicile is a Golden named "SuperDawg" -- but that's merely your typical abbreviation for his registered WKC name:
"Pall Mall North Tonawanda Heath Bar Crunch The Outlaw Josey Wales."
Well, it might not be a bad idea if these Westminsterians cleaned up their act and had the previous year's winner present the best-in-show, purple-n'-gold ribbon.
Last year's winner was Rufus, the brown-coloured bull terrier who won our hearts with his spunk and verve and handsome lines.
Diamond Jim wasn't bad -- but maybe too much apron.
Anyway, there didn't seem to be anyone wearing black armbands for "Vivi," the ribbon-winning whippet from last year's WKC showcase who, somehow, broke free from her cage at JFK Airport -- and was never seen again.
That definitely is not a heartwarming story ... probably the work of dognappers.
In Vivi's memory, let's recall the time when Bart used his illegal credit card to buy that showdog -- a collie named "Laddie" -- and then felt the guilt as his mutt, Santa's Little Helper, was taken away by the repo men.
When Bart and Homer sat on the sofa watching TV, Laddie entered the living room with a card which he presented to Bart.
The message was: "Time for a walk" (card no. 0076)
HOMER: "I'd take him, but those cards are non-transferable."
BART: "I have GOT to find out where he's hiding these."
Well, all's well that end's well because Bart did a dog-exchange with the blind man who had Santa's Little Helper (and had renamed him "Sprinkles") -- except there was that awkward moment at the end when Laddie sniffed out the baggie of marijuana in the blind man's pocket.
Laddie ... go find Vivi!