Now that it's out in the open that mayyyyy-beeee Nick Satan was not very forthcoming a few days before Xmas, a lot of people want to put Nick Satan on the stand and, using their best Jack McCoy voice, bark: "So, were you lying then or are you lying now?"
Now, that Satan, errrr ... "Saban" has traded in his aqua-marine Miami Dolphins coaching shirts and windbreakers for those coloured 'Bama crimson, we, the people, are 'sposed to act all indignant and incredulous and enraged.
The question is ... what for?
Not to defend Slick Nick, but what did everybody expect from him? If he'd shown so much as a hint of mayyyy-bee thinking about the 'Bama job, he was going to lose the Dolphin players and the faith of Wayne Huizenga.
It's called "bluffing."
And, if everyone is up in arms about "was he lying?" well ... most of us can say that we've been lied to by prettier chicks than Nick Satan.
If anything, the lynch mob should be gathering for either Huizenga or those hyenas known as "the hoarde of faceless, booze-guzzling hound dogs who call themselves Alabama boosters/regents."
As per Huizenga when he learned that Coach's heart remained in college football, that's a good time for Mr. Blockbuster to whisper to Nick, "For the money I'm paying you, I don't wanna hear about your fondness for daffodils and nights by the fire. Howzabout you gettin' yer shit together and do some actual f*cking coaching. Can you handle that, Pretty Boy -- or shall I spell it out for you in rose petals?"
Huizenga ... what kind of a puss says, "Follow your heart"? when he learns that the head coach of his team is gutless and spineless?
As per the 'Bama football dung heap, yooda thunk one of them Suth'nuz woulda said, "If he can't keep hisself focused and interested in his well-paying NFL job, howz he gonna get oour 'Bama boys to stay focused?"
Seriously ... ya think Tommy Tupperware and his Auburn Tigers are shaking in their cleats?
Note to Iron Bowl fans: Saban was 0-3 at Auburn during his five seasons at LSU.
Funny how the Tusca-losers ran Bill Curry outta town because he was "an outsider."
Such a mentality doesn't explain why an ex-Tide QB like Mike Shula got run out of Dodge -- or why a mercenary such as Saban will be so warmly welcomed.
"In a world where both of our cars were totally underwater ..."
"A new wind was about to blow ..."
"Payback ... this time, it's for real ..."
It'll be fun to watch during the months/years ahead.
What's amusing is how so many Alabama outsiders are force-fed that "myth of Bear Bryant" crapola while the old Tuscaloser buzzards conveniently forget the seven years (1990-96) in which Gene Stallings was every bit as successful as "the Bear."
Stallings was 11-1 in '91, 13-0 as nat'l champs in '92, 13-1 in '94 (losing by a point to Fla. in the SEC title game) and 10-3 in '96 ... he was 5-1 in bowl games and 5-2 vs. Auburn.
What more did The Society of Alabama Aryans want?
Like Saban, Stallings was an NFL washout ... so, yes ... most of us can envision several 9-4 or 10-3 seasons on the horizon for 'Bama as the Tide returns to its rightful place in either the Outback Bowl or the Capital One Bowl.
Well, before we jump the gun and show up uninvited to the 'Bama spring game, there's this little bidd-niss that we need to take care of tonight in New Orleans. It's called "the Sugar Bowl" (although some of us liked it better when it was "the USF&G Sugar Bowl") -- and LSU coach Les Miles will attempt to win with Nick Saban's LSU recruits while Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis will attempt to win with Tyrone Willingham's N.D. recruits.
In case you haven't hear, LSU, not Notre Dame, is America's favorite 2-loss team, mostly becaue of the heart the Tigers showed while getting WORKED (really WORKED) by Auburn in that 7-3 defeat and for the courage that was on display when the team imploded with silly mistake after mental error in the loss to Florida.
Les Miles cannot be held accountable for those defeats.
Those breakdowns were by Nick Saban recruits which Miles was stuck with.
The adage "Les is more" was of no use.
While we're at it, let's point out that LSU went 8-0 at home this year -- and six of those wins were vs. non-bowl opponents.
Finding six opponents which did NOT qualify for a bowl game ... that's not easy to do.
For chrissakes ... Rice went bowling.
Anyway, it's not likely that LSU-ND will provide as much fascination as LSU winning ESPN's make-believe playoffs did.
Those were some heart-stopping games which, umm ... never actually occurred in a place called "reality."
If only we had some sort of guarantee that tonight's slugfest will live up to FOX ballgames from the previous two nights -- Boise State-Oklahoma (Fiesta) and Louisville-Wake Forest (Orange).
It used to be fun calling such a matchup "Lousyville vs. Weak Forest," but to do so now would be to diminish what Bobby Petrino and Jim Grobe accomplished this year.
Besides, most of America remains somewhat ambivalent about the Orange Bowl -- and most of that ambivalence centers around which NBC play-by-play guy was our fave.
Jim Simpson or Don Criqui?
Well, there are many interesting sidebars to tonight's battle in the Bayou, not the least of which is this: Now that he'll be whistling "Sweet Home Alabama" every day at practice (as players ask him why he's whistling the jingle for KFC's TV ads), will Nick Saban out-recruit Les Miles for the likes of prospects such as JaMarcus Russell, the kid who left Alabama's gulf coast (Mobile) to attend LSU?
Theoreticals aside, it should be fascinating to observe a highly-susceptible N.D. secondary defending against the missles launched (some on-target, some not) by the 6-foot-9, 315-lb. Russell.
Russell was a tot (well, a pre-teen, anyway) in Mobile when these two programs met twice during the '97 season -- and a lot of folks older than Russell have forgotten that during N.D.'s 24-6 win in Tiger Stadium, the home-team Bayou Bengals broke out yellow jerseys to go with white helmets.
A sad, weak look.
They'd've been better off going for a Cinshitnati Bengals look, vis-a-vis purple helmets with yellow tiger stripes.
But, LSU got it turned around in time for the rematch in the Independence Bowl ... the return of the traditional yellow helmets and white jerseys in the 27-9 win over the Farting Irish.
However, after LSU went 3-0 to begin '98, a gut-wrenching 39-36 loss in South Bend late that season was part of the 3-15 slide which led to the axing of Tiger coach Gerry DiNardo (the former All-American at N.D.) before the final game of the '99 season (vs. Arkansas) and led to the hiring of Saban.
It's always about you, Nick Saban, isn't it?