Saturday, November 18, 2006

Heisman TROY-phy

Nobody has said a word about it all season – and then when he became the center of attention in the fourth quarter, Michigan linebacker Shawn Crable probably wishes that we WERE talking about something else.
OK … so some of us who watchdog such matters couldn’t really care less about Crable delivering a blow to the head of Ohio State QB Troy Smith (after Smith had released the pass) to keep a drive alive during alleged crunch time of 2006’s Second Game Of The Century.
Hasn’t anyone spoken up or spoken out about Crable wearing the jersey #2 which Charles Woodson wore during his Heisman Trophy season/Michigan’s co-national championship season of ’97?
Did Crable receive clearance from Woodson? (and does Woodson have clearance to give clearance, Clarence?)
Isn’t anyone concerned that Crable is an Ohio native – or is there a “Bo was an Ohio native, too” component in play here?

Until the ‘Eyes and the ‘Reens meet in the Rematch To End All Rematches on Jan. 8 in Glendale, Ariz., the crimes of Crable should receive a lot less play than the hype and hoopla of the Heisman Trophy being handed to Troy Smith.
Since he didn’t throw six interceptions, pull a gun on someone or get his ass suspended for the Alamo Bowl again, Troy Smith locked up the hardware.

During the previous two seasons, the prestigious award was won by Troy’s Boyz – USC’s Matt Leinart and Reggie Bush. Now, it’s Mr. Smith who’s leading the charge of another Triumph For Troy (which, in no way, has any affiliation with Toys For Tots).
In the past, the only individuals representing “Troy” (beyond the borders of ‘SC’s “Troy”) were Troy Aikman (third in the Heisman balloting in 1988, behind Barry Sanders and Rodney Peete) and Troy Davis (the long-forgotten, mighty-mite of a RB for the Iowa State Cyclones who, 10 years ago, finished runner-up to Danny Wuerffel).

That’s a broad Troy Overview. As per Troy Smith, there are those of us who have over-analyzed and over-scrutinized every Buckeye QB of the past 35 years and discovered that, interestingly, Troy Smith stands alone in many regards.
In many ways, Troy Smith doesn’t fit the mold of a Buckeye QB once we scroll down the complete checklist of questions.
** Is he our favorite black QB in OSU history? (No, that’s CORNELIUS GREENE)
** Is he the smartest QB in OSU history? (No … that’s molecular genetics major CRAIG KRENZEL)
** Will he be the “best-QB-turned-NFL-DB” in OSU history? (No … that’s REX KERN)
** Is he the most-baby-faced-assassin QB in OSU history? (No … that’s JOE GERMAINE ... with special consideration to MIKE TOMCZAK)

** Is he the most-drop-dead-gorgeous QB in OSU history? (No … that’s ART SCHLICHTER ... sorry, Herb Kirkstreit)
** Is he the QB with the most movie-star potential? (No … that would be a two-way tie between the fictitious Buckeye QB named SHANE FALCO – portrayed by Keanu Reeves in the ’00 movie, “The Replacements” – and the make-believe Buckeye QB named JOHNNY UTAH, portrayed by Keanu Reeves in the ’91 movie “Point Break” )
** Is he the Buckeye QB who looked the coolest with a tinted shield affixed to his helmet’s facemask? (No … that was GREG FREY -- and even though Troy has worn a tinted bug shield, nowadays he wears a clear bug shield)
** Is he the best QB-turned-WR-turned-QB in OSU history? (No … that was ROD GERALD)
** Is he the best QB keeping the QB position warm in-between NFL scrub QBs named KENT GRAHAM and BOBBY HOYING? (No … that was Herb Kirkstreit in ’92)
** Is he the best QB who ever got suspended for the Michigan game? (No … that was STEVE BELLISARI)
** Is he the best Buckeye southpaw QB who threw like a girl? (No … that, too, was Steve Bellisari, although Keanu Reeves as Johnny Utah/Shane Falco is a mighty-close runner-up)
** Is he the best Buckeye QB who began the paperwork for his "transfer-me-the-hell-out-of-f*cking-Columbus" process moments after his Buckeye debut? (No … that was AUSTIN MOHERMANN after the ’99 season-opener vs. Miami in the Kickoff Classic)
** Is he the best Buckeye QB ever to throw five interceptions in his Buckeye debut? (No … that was ART SCHLICHTER)
** Is he the best Buckeye QB to throw the interception which led to the "Punch Which Got Woody Hayes Fired"? (No … again, that was ART SCHLICHTER)
** Is he the best Buckeye QB ever to be suspended for a bowl game? (Actually … that WAS
Troy Smith)
** Is he the best Buckeye QB to become the model inmate of the Ohio Dept. of Corrections? (For the last time … that’s ART SCHLICHTER)
** Is he the best Buckeye QB to wear #10 (no ... that's a tie between REX KERN and ART SCHLICHTER, although didn't Kent Graham wear #10 after his transfer from Notre Dame?)
** Is he the best Buckeye QB ever to become an FBI agent? (No … that’s Special Agent JOHNNY UTAH)
** Is he the Buckeye best-suited for knocking down a 20-foot J from the top of the key? (No, that's SCOONIE PENN)
** Is he the Buckeye QB destined for a 16- or 17-year career in the NFL doing something other than QBing? (No … that’s NFL punter-and-holder TOM TUPA)

Jeez … that’s a lot of QBs in the Buckeye pantheon of Buckeye QBs who wore Buckeye scarlet.
And we couldn’t find a way to squeeze kickoff-specialist/backup QB Bob Atha (#1) or big ol’ Jim Karsatos (#16) in there.
(For those who can’t seem to conjure up a mental image of the big lug who wore #16 before Krenzel, picture this: Imagine a Greek, talented Herb Kirkstreit)

When all is said and done, Troy Smith will – unlike what happens at Michigan – have his #10 retired by THE Ohio State University.
For those of us who grew up in California imitating every move of #10 Art Schlichter -- from the scrambling for a first down, to threading a pass to #44 Gary Williams, to pretending that Coach Bruce is taking us to the racetrack to bet on the ponies -- it's with a tear in our eye that we witness the passing of the #10 torch.
The Schilchteristas and the Rexites of Kern will have to learn to share their #10 memories.

Just an FYI: Although he wears #10 for the Pittsburgh Steelers, Santonio Holmes wore #4 at THE Ohio State.
Some will say that Santonio wore it with more distinction than Herbie did – except maybe for that time when that Wisconsin fan pegged Herbie with that tomato in Mad Town.

That's a big ten-four, good buddy ...

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