No matter what anyone says, the funniest moment of the spring/sports season has been any time that the rodeo clown tells the guy on the bull, "Crusher here has an extra deltoid muscle which gives him exponentially greater bucking propulsion. So, you sit back and you hang on!"
Agreed ... those rodeo clowns ... they're real life savers.
Even if they aren't really rodeo clowns at all, but are actually with the birthday party.
That's about the only good info-tainment which was available to America on a Thurs. night (the first day of autumn) as ESPN offered a second consecutive week of an ACC beatdown.
Last week in prime time, it was Team Click Clack! gettin' drowned in Morgantown.
Last night, it was the Ramblin' Wrecks hatin' on the Wahoos.
Note: The Maryland Terrorpins are "Team Click Clack!" for being the walking billboard for Under Armour Athletic Apparel.
The best guesstimate is that Coach Friedgen wears a 5XL or possibly a 6XL in jacket/t-shirt/sweatshirt ... massive XL needs which would've put Discus Athletic, Starter and Pro Player out of business.
Wait ... those companies ARE out of business, no?
Note, Part II: Maryland has posted consecutive 5-6 seasons w/ no bowl-game invites since becoming Under Armour poster children.
Back-to-back click clack!
However, with a non-conference cupcake platter of William & Mary, Mid.Tenn.St. and Fla. Int'l ... the 'Pins are goin' bowlin'.
We must protect this house!
In the scheme of Click Clack vs. Throwback, G-Tech got itself all gussied up with white helmets (not the shiny gold bonnets) and yellow jerseys (not the gold shirts) in a flashback to 1970.
A smarter move might've been to flash back to the glory of 1974, not 1970. Everybody remembers that the '74 Techsters had brothers Randy Rhino and Danny Rhino starting in the secondary along with Bubba Hoats (although some may have forgotten that Rock Perdoni was a force on the D-line).
"Bubba Hoats" ... makes ya wonder how many times Randy Rhino turned to Danny Rhino and said, "Bubba Hoats sounds like a made-up name."
Then again, it makes ya wonder how many times Bubba Hoats was at the student union telling everybody that he'd be an All-America if only it wasn't for those Rhinos.
"The Rhinos are out to get me!"
Sure is a lot more fun shootin' the breeze about '70s Techsters than Y2K06 Techsters wearing '70s Techsters' jerseys.
Then again, we can blow off GT-UVa Y2K06 altogether and focus on the greatest GT-UVa clash of all-time. That's right -- the one back in 1990 when we still can't remember where we were or what we were doing when we learned that No. 1-ranked UVa was knocked off by the Jackets, 41-38, on that Scott Sisson field goal with :07 to play.
Those were the days when QB Shawn Jones rallied his Techsters to the win over the Hoos' vaunted pitch-n'-pass duo of "Moore & More Moore (QB Shawn and WR Herman).
Thyen again, those were the days when UVa wore those bland, white helmets and orange pants w/ white shirts.
Back in the days when it felt lousy to start 7-0 and finish with an 8-4 record.
Back in the days of '90 when nobody wanted to win the national championship, so it was shared by G-Tech (11-0-1) and Colorado (11-1-1).
Sadly, last night's ballgame featuring UVa frosh QB Jameel Sewell pitchin' passes to Fontel Mines, well ... Sewell-to-Mines didn't remind anyone of Moore-to-Moore.
That offense has a lot of Groh-ing up to do.
The only highlight for the Cavs was when ESPN would cut away to Hall of Famer Howie Long, a solitary figure inconspicuously leaning on a railing away from the Georgia Institute of Technology parents, students and boosters as he watched his son Chris.
Despite Chris Long's talent and potential, the Cavs' defense is shaky.
It, too, has a lot of Groh-ing up to do.
By the way, for those "Calvin Johnson Is God" bandwagoneers (that means you, Herb Kirkstreit), yes ... Cal is 6-5 / 253 and clocks a 40 time of 4.3.
However, the memory for a lot of us is that classic moment from last Oct. when that totally-catchable TD pass doinked off his hands and into the arms of the NC State DB for the end-zone INT which locked up the Wolfpack's 17-14 victory.
And, some of us haven't forgotten the Emerald Bowl last Dec. when Utah's Travis LaTrendesse (16 receptions, 216 yards) put on a clinic against the Yellow Jackets' secondary and snagged himself three TD passes in the game's first 16 minutes (for a 20-0 lead), sparking the Utes to a 38-10 victory over GT and Calvin Johnson (2 catches, 19 yards).
We shouldn't hold Calvin Johnson responsible for the Jackets' poor pass rush and flimsy cover men, but, ummm ... we just did.
As per Johnson's place in the ACC galaxy, well ... in the past 20 years, the two best WRs have been Herman Moore (previously mentioned) and NC State's Torry Holt.
End of discussion.
College football now must return to the back burner for Fri. nite because before we get to Marlins @ Phils in an epic confrontation w/ extreme wild-card implications, some of us will spend a Rosh Hashana afternoon watching prep football which pits The Heb vs. The Reach.
Apparently, the Zionists don't dig their New Year cluttered with the implications of Friday night lights.
Time to check Crusher's extra deltoid muscle vis-a-vis exponentially greater bucking propulsion ...