The talk of the town (in terms of earth-shattering, heart-stopping drama) is the news of what happened to T.O. on Tues. nite -- and the fallout from the downsizing of T.O.'s suicide attempt to "accidental overdose."
Once the media circus learned that T.O. and I have "a history," it was determined that I have a sit-down and set the record straight for America in a revealing and candid Q&A.
Every word is true in the Q&A which follows:
Question: How well do you know T.O.?
Me: T.O. and I go way back. T.O.'s changed, but T.O. isn't all THAT different. Bottom line ... T.O. will never die.
Question: Despite all the negativity out there, you often speak fondly of T.O.
Me: I ALWAYS speak fondly of T.O. I'm a huge T.O. fan. T.O. gave me my first job. As you might expect, that job was located on T.O. Boulevard, I kid you not. So, yeah ... T.O. treated me right.
Question: So, what do you say to the T.O. haters out there? Do you tell them that T.O. is "misunderstood"?
Me: I tell them that T.O. is enigmatic. But, that behind the enigma, T.O. has a unique inner-beauty. In other words, T.O. is vibrant.
Question: Okay, but is T.O. in trouble?
Me: Define "trouble." Seriously, T.O.'s gonna survive. T.O. always survives.
Question: Is T.O. mentally and emotionally unstable?
Me: Aren't we all, when you get right down to it? Actually, you'd probably have to ask the Board of Health or the city council.
Question: What does the city council have to do with this?
Me: Well, nobody knows T.O. like T.O.'s city council, right?
Question: At the end of the day, are we dealing with an issue of protecting T.O. from T.O.?
Me: I'm not. As I said, T.O. will survive. That's because T.O. is strong.
Question: When you and T.O. were "bonding" back in the day, what did you like best about T.O.?
Me: For one thing, T.O. always had some nice-lookin' gals. I'm talking about young, sweet-faced, hot-bod hotties. I mingled with some of T.O.'s finest, took it a little further with others. They were 15- and 16-year-olds, naturally, but that's all I could get back then. T.O. didn't seem to mind.
Question: You were mixing it up with underaged girls? Isn't that illegal?
Me: Only if ya get caught. Look ... a lot of us were messin' with T.O.'s gals. That's because T.O.'s teenage gals were very seductive.
Question: What else?
Me: Well, when I was a kid, I'd see the football team decked out in green n' white with the "TO" logo on the helmets ... and that always looked pretty cool to me.
Question: Green and white? You mean, like the Philadelphia Eagles?
Me: No ... like the Lancers. T.O. has nuthin' to do with the Philadelphia Eagles. T.O. is all about Lancer Pride. Except when the Dallas Cowboys came to T.O.
Question: Dallas went to T.O.?
Me: Yup ... T.O. was very hospitable to Dallas from 1960 though 1989. T.O. treated Dallas right for 30 years.
Question: Wait a sec ... T.O. signed with Dallas just this past offseason. What are you talking about, 1960 thru, umm ...?
Me: People need to recognize that T.O. was at the championship game of the Little League World Series in 2004. Not only that, but T.O. has the world's largest auto mall which is -- get this -- located on T.O. Boulevard.
IT WAS THIS EXACT MOMENT THAT THE Q&A ENDED ABRUPTLY ONCE IT WAS DETERMINED THAT ONE PERSON WANTED TO GAIN GREATER UNDERSTANDING OF TERRELL OWENS AND SOMEBODY ELSE WANTED TO REMINISCE ABOUT THOUSAND OAKS, CALIF. (WHERE HE LIVED FOR 11 OF THE SO-CALLED "FORMATIVE" YEARS ... AGE 7 THRU 18).
Some of us could talk about T.O. for hours on end ...