Eldrickquiddick

The popular acronym "WTF" is what modern-day keyboardists use when they're thinking "now, wait just a cotton-pickin' minute."

Furthermore, "WTF" is considered acceptable because it's 3 letters (rather than What The Frick) -- and because references to "pickin' cotton" are considered to be not-very-PC.

Notwithstanding Eli Whitney's contribution to the cotton-picking genre (w/ the invention of the cotton gin), some of us ARE takin' a cotton-pickin' minute to ponder what Eldrick was doin' crashing his car into a fire hydrant and then a tree early, early this glorious Thanksgiving-turning-to-Black Friday.

As the story begins to unfold, it's seeming as though it might have all the trappings of "Chappaquidick Lite."

Except that, right now, we don't know who's playin' the role of Mary Jo Kopechne.

And we don't know what a wrecked Escalade has to do with Jon n' Kate ...

So, to amuse ourselves (and pass the time), we've opted to crack wise with punchlines such as: "Tiger crashed into a fire hydrant at 2:30 in the morning because Tiger's enforcer, Stevie, wasn't available to pick up the hydrant and toss it out of the way."

If nothing else, this roadway mishap adds some juice to a slow Thanksgiving weekend -- although it looks as though it'll be a busy Sat./Sun. for the folks at Nike as this "incident" is added to the "to-do" list of reworking "the spin."

The current list reads something like:
1) Engineer THE premier masking agents for Lance Armstrong
2) Formulate the next helmet/jersey/pants combination for Oregon's football team

Yellow helmets, green shirts w/ gray numerals, black pants???
Flat-black, non-shiny helmets, yellow shirts, green pants???
White helmets, yellow shirts w/ unreadable yellow numerals, camouflage pants, flip-flops???
Green helmets, black shirts, red numerals, turquoise pants, cleats dipped in green glitter paint???
Light gray helmets, light gray shirts w/ gray numerals, gray pants, yellow socks, shiny silver cleats???

True dat: We're going to hear as many lame, mixed-up reasons as to what happened just beyond Eldrick's driveway as there are lame, mixed-up Oregon Ducks football attire combinations.

Either way, that fire hydrant needs to be called in for questioning.

"DON'T FEEL LIKE TALKING, EH?"

^^^^