Nice Effort, UNC -- But, Duke's No. 1

UNLESS THE GUYS WHO VOTE ON SUCH MATTERS MAKE SYRACUSE, AND NOT DUKE, THIS WEEK'S NEW NO. 1 -- NOW THAT THE TEAM WHICH BEGAN THE DAY AT NO. 1 (PREVIOUSLY 9-0 VIRGINIA) WAS KNOCKED OFF AT MARYLAND.

THE TERPS FIGURE TO CLIMB INTO THE TOP 5 AS THEY BID FOR THEIR FIRST NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP SINCE 1975.

BUT, LET'S NOT GET AHEAD OF OURSELVES IN LAX CHAT.

BECAUSE WE MAYBE DON'T KNOW AS MUCH AS WE THINK WE KNOW (i.e. THERE EXISTS A CHANCE THAT WE'RE FAKING IT).

AND, WELL ... SOMEBODY OUT THERE MAY WANT TO TALK ABOUT UNC B-BALL, MORE-SPECIFICALLY, UNC VS. LOUISVILLE.

IT'S AN INTERESTING TOPIC, GIVEN THAT DEAN N' DENNY BROUGHT TEAMS INTO THE CONTEST WHICH MATCHED UP SOMEWHAT EVENLY.

WHILE COACH CRUM SEEMED TO BE AT A SLIGHT DISADVANTAGE IN THE LOW POST BY MATCHING FRESHMAN PERVIS ELLISON (15 POINTS, 6 REBOUNDS) AGAINST BRAD DAUGHERTY (19 POINTS, 15 REBOUNDS), CRUM KNEW THAT HIS KEYS TO SUCCESS WOULD BE IN THE PLAY OF FORWARDS, BILLY THOMPSON AND HERBERT CROOK VS. COACH SMITH'S ONLY REAL ANSWER TO THAT TANDEM: JOE WOLF.

AND, EVERYBODY KNEW THAT THE CARDINAL BACKCOURT (MILT WAGNER AND JEFF HALL) VS. THE UNC BACKCOURT (KENNY SMITH & STEVE HALE) HAD SLIGHT EDGE, SO IT WAS UP TO JEFF LEBO TO BECOME THE X-FACTOR.

LEBO HAD 18 POINTS, BUT, MAKE NO MISTAKE: LOUISVILLE WON THAT 1986 EAST REGIONAL SEMIFINAL OVER UNC, 94-79, AT THE FOUL LINE.

THE CARDINALS SANK 28 OF 33 FREE THROWS ... AND THEN DENNY'S CARDS DISPATCHED CHUCK PERSON, CHRIS MORRIS AND A SCRAPPY AUBURN TEAM IN THE REGIONAL FINAL AFTER THOSE TIGERS HAD KNOCKED OFF THE NO. 1 SEED (ST. JOHN'S) AND THE NO. 4 SEED (UNLV) TO HALT!

THE ASSIGNMENT BEFORE US WAS THAT WE WERE TO DISCUSS TONIGHT'S UNC-LOUSYVILLE GAME, WASN'T IT?

UMMMMM, OKAY ... EXCEPT, IN SUCH A SCENARIO, ALL THAT TRULY MATTERS IN A SHOWDOWN OF THIS MAGNITUDE IS ROY WILLIAMS' FABULOUS GOLF TAN VS. RICK PITINO'S DAZZLING CUFF LINKS.

WHADDYA SAY, AMERICA -- HOW MUCH DID EITHER COACH SPEND ON TONIGHT'S NECKTIE? (WE CAN MAKE THIS LIKE THE SHOWCASE SHOWDOWN ON "THE PRICE IS RIGHT").

$68.50?

$100?

MORE THAN $175?

GREAT, GREAT GUESSES.

WHAT DOES BOBBY'S FUCHSIA-SWEATER-WITH-PEACH-COLOURED-SHIRT-COLLAR SAY? ("SHHHHHH ... LET'S WAIT 'TIL THE SUNDAY NIGHT CONVERSATION WHEN HE AND TONY LALOSER AND BIG TUNA TALK IN MEANINGLESS TONES ABOUT VAGUE GENERALITIES WHICH NOBODY CARES ABOUT ...")

IF WE'RE GOING TO ALLOW THOSE COACHING DINOSAURS TO ROAM THE EARTH, THEN WE'LL NEED TO BALANCE OUT THE UNIVERSE BY RE-VISITING PROBABLY THE GREATEST NORTH CAROLINA/LOUISVILLE GAME EVER PLAYED.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: IN THAT '86 CHAMPIONSHIP GAME AGAINST DUKE, HERBERT CROOK HAD 10 POINTS AND 12 REBOUNDS, BUT HE ALSO HAD 9 TURNOVERS (WHICH IS TOO, TOO MANY) AND HE WAS 0-3 FROM THE FOUL LINE -- AND, HERE'S SOMETHING ELSE: IN THE 1ST-ROUND GAME WHICH PITTED THE DUKE BLUE DEVILS AGAINST THE MISSISSIPPI VALLEY STATE DELTA DEVILS (A PROGRAM WHICH WAS BACK IN THE TOURNEY THIS YEAR FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE '86), DUKE TRAILED MSVU WELL INTO THE SECOND HALF (BETTER YET, MVSU HAD A PLAYER WITH A PROFOUNDLY-COOL B-BALL NAME: "TEDDY BLOODSAW" -- ALTHOUGH THE RESEARCH BOYS IN THE LAB HAVE NOT DETERMINED IF THAT PLAYER WITH THE AWESOME NAME IS ANY RELATION TO CURRENT HALL OF FAME QB (AND FOX'S SUNDAY STUDIO HERO) TERRY BLOODSAW OR FUTURE HALL OF FAME QB, DREW BLOODSAW ...]

Y'KNOW, WE ALL DO A LOTTA DOGGIN' OF ESPN 'CUZ THEY TURN SPORTS REPORTING INTO A FRICKIN' CIRCUS, BUT, WHEN THE NETWORK TRULY APPLIES ITSELF, IT CAN PRODUCE SOME MEATY, THOUGHT-PROVOKING MATERIAL.

SUCH AS THE TWO-PART "BLACK MAGIC" DOCUMENTARY FROM TWO WEEKS AGO (WHICH HAS SINCE BEEN REPLAYED ON OCCASION, WHEN THE TIME SLOTS BECOME AVAILABLE BETWEEN TEXAS HOLD 'EM POKER FROM 2004 AND THE HOME RUN DERBY FROM 2007).

THE "BLACK MAGIC" SAGA OF BOB LOVE WAS RIVETING AND THE BOBBY PHILLS SEGMENT WAS INTERESTING ... BUT THE FEATURE ON BEN JOBE -- WHO GOES BACK A MIGHTY LONG WAY WITH BOBBY CREMINS -- WAS EQUALLY FASCINATING.

COACH JOBE SINGLED OUT THE '78 NCAA PLAYOFFS AND THE SUCCESS WHICH DUKE ENJOYED MAKING LONG OUTLET PASSES TO MIKE GMINSKI FOR EASY BUCKETS -- AND BEN JOBE LAMENTED THAT WHEN HE HAD INSTITUTED THE SAME STYLE YEARS EARLIER, IT WAS CALLED "JUNGLE BALL."

WE CAN'T BLAME THAT ONE ON SHUHSHEFFSKEE.

THAT WAS ALL BILL FOSTER.

SPEAKING OF SOMEONE WHOSE CAUCASIAN IS SHOWING A LITTLE TOO MUCH, WHAT THE HELL IS THE DEAL WITH THE SEASON-LONG LOVE AFFAIR BETWEEN JAY BILAS AND LOUSYVILLE'S DAVID PADGETT?

ORDINARILY, YOU'D EXPECT BILAS TO GET ALL STARRY-EYED WHILE GUSHING ABOUT SOMEBODY FROM THE PALOS VERDES PENINSULA (KINDA LIKE THE WAY SOME OF US GOT ALL TANGLED UP IN VARIOUS STAGES OF UNDRESS WITH CYNTHIA FROM THE PEE VEE ... WAY BACK WHEN ... DURING YESTERYEAR ... JUST BEFORE SHE WAS A CHI OMEGA PLEDGE ...).

APPARENTLY, NOBODY INFORMED BILAS THAT WHILE PADGETT STANDS 6-11, HIS LEGS AIN'T AS NICE AS CYN'S WHEN THEY'RE WRAPPED AROUND, UMMMMM ... ANYWAY, SURE ... UMMMM, WELL, YEAH, OKAY, UMMM ... THE EASIEST WAY TO EXPLAIN BILAS' FONDNESS FOR PADGETT IS TO RECOGNIZE THAT PADGETT '08 IS BILAS '86.

THAT ASPECT IS NOT IN DISPUTE.

C'MON, THOUGH ... PADGETT '08 AIN'T CYNTHIA '83, SO ...

THE OTHER NIGHT, IN THE 3.8 MINUTES THAT SOME OF US ALLOWED OURSELVES TO CO-EXIST IN THE SAME ROOM WITH LOUSYVILLE/TENNIS-SEA, BILAS REMARKED, "PADGETT CAN REALLY DOMINATE A GAME WITHOUT SCORING. HIS SMARTS (CLICK!)

IT'S DEPRESSING WHEN SOMEONE OF BILAS' ALLEGED INTELLECT APPEARS TO BE NUTHIN' MORE THAN A DUDE WHO MIGHT'VE BEEN TAKING HUFF-HITS FROM THE SAME CRYSTAL DRANO JUG THAT REGGIE RANKIN OF STATS, INC. WAS IN LATE FEB. WHEN HE WROTE (YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS, AMERICA): "JUNIOR POINT GUARD DOMINIC JAMES (OF MARQUETTE) CAN DOMINATE A GAME IN MANY WAYS."

CONSPIRACY THEORISTS HAVE THEORIZED THAT PERHAPS THE BIG EAST CONFERENCE SENT A DIRECTIVE TO THE DISNEYLAND SPORTS NETWORK ABOUT OVERHYPING SOME EXTREMELY MEDIOCRE PLAYERS.

WHO'S GONNA KNOW?

WHO'S IT GONNA HURT?

HOLY CRAP ... DOMINIC JAMES IS BARELY OKAY -- AND PADGETT? HE'S MIGHTY "IFFY," TOO, GIVEN THAT, ON THE LOUISVILLE CARDINALS DREAM TEAM WHICH EXISTS IN OUR HEARTS AND IN OUR MINDS (BEFORE THE PROGRAM MOVED TO "LOUSYVILLE"), PADGETT AND HIS BILAS-APPROVED ZERO-DEGREES-OF-DOMINATION WOULDN'T COME CLOSE TO CRACKING THE STARTING FRONTCOURT.

NOT WITH STARTERS WES UNSELD, PERVIS ELLISON AND JUNIOR BRIDGEMAN LOOKIN' TO TAKE ON ALL COMERS (FYI: THE DREAM TEAM BACKCOURT STARTERS ARE -- WHO ELSE? -- "DR. DUNKENSTEIN" DARRELL GRIFFITH AND MILT WAGNER).

POOR POOR PADGETT -- WITH HIS MARGINAL TALENTS (ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT HE'S 6-11), HE CAN'T EVEN SCROUNGE UP GARBAGE TIME MINUTES ON OUR CARDINAL DREAM TEAM WHEN THERE'S RODNEY McCRAY, CLIFFORD ROZIER AND FELTON SPENCER ON THE BENCH, LOOKIN' FOR MINUTES.

MAYBE DAVID PADGETT IS A REAL SWELL GUY, A GOOD STUDENT AND A GOOD CITIZEN, BUT, HIS AGENT HAS GOT TO STOP BILAS FROM MAKING AMERICA HATE DAVID PADGETT.

IF SOMEONE DOESN'T STOP BILAS, WE'RE DESTINED TO HEAR, "DAVID PADGETT IS THE TYPE OF DOMINATING PLAYER WHO IS SO DOMINANT THAT HE CAN DOMINATE GAMES HE'S NOT EVEN PLAYING IN ..."

THEN AGAIN, SOME OFR US HAVE TO WONDER ALOUD AS TO WHY A PLAYER OF DAVID PADGETT'S DOMINANCE WOULD ALLOW SOMETHING AS FORBIDDEN TO OCCUR AS WHAT HAPPENED THE OTHER NIGHT WHEN THE OPPOSING COACH IN THE GAME IN WHICH DAVID PADGETT WAS DOMINATING ALLOWED HIS OWN SON TO GET SOME P.T.

THAT'S RIGHT ... THE COACH THAT WE KNOW AS THE BLACK PEARL ALLOWED SON OF THE BLACK PEARL TO SEE SOME ACTION IN A GAME IN WHICH THE VOLS WERE NOT WINNING BY 43 OR 58 POINTS.

AS IF THAT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH, SON OF THE BLACK PEARL WAS WEARING ERNIE GRUNFELD'S #22 ... A NUMBER WHICH WAS RETIRED AT A PRE-GAME CEREMONY BEFORE THE CONTEST AGAINST KENTUCKY.

THAT'S ONLY ONE OF THE MESSED-UP SCENES FROM THESE BASKETBALL PLAYOFFS.

ORDER WILL BE RESTORED, SOMEWHAT, ONCE KANSAS RIPS OFF THE SASH AND SMASHES THE TIARA OF DAVIDSON, THE PETITE CONTESTANT WITH THE GRAND DREAM OF BEING CROWNED "MISS GEORGE MASON 2008."

SOME OF US GET THE FEELING THAT DAVID PADGETT JUST MIGHT SABOTAGE THE PAGEANT FOR DAVIDSON, WHICH WOULD BE A REAL DOWNER FOR ALL OF THOSE HEADLINE WRITERS WHO ARE JUST ITCHIN' TO USE THE "DAVID(SON) SLAYS GOLIATH" HEADLINE.

BUT, THAT'S WHAT YA GET FOR MESSIN' WITH DAVID PADGETT.

HE CAN DOMINATE GAMES HE DOESN'T EVEN CARE ABOUT ...