Monday, March 31, 2008
Tom Gordon's Shiny New 135.01 ERA
Some of us spent the final day of March so wrapped up in that kinda-cool chicks b-ball scoring demo staged by Stanford's Candice Wiggins (daughter of the former MLB'er) and Maryland's Kristi Tolliver (daughter of the former NBA ref) that we forgot all about the Phillies' season opener. ///// Yup ... some of us Phillie Phan diehards (ret.) in the La-Z-Boy Sector of America couldn't remember who the Phillies opened against, not to mention the date or time of the first pitch. ///// Maybe we're still hurtin' from the Colorado playoff series. ////// Anyway, Wiggins finished with 41 points and Tolliver racked up 35 and, since neither looks like a complete beast, it's safe to say that this was an attractive playoff basketball game. ///// What's a little strange is that of the all-time Top 6 individual scoring performances in the ladies' version of the playoffs (50 pts. by Drake's Lorri Bauman against Maryland in 1982 ... 47 by Texas Tech's Sheryl Swoopes vs. Ohio State in 1993 ... 44 by Wiggins vs. UTEP last week ... 43 by Clemson's Barbara Kennedy vs. Penn State in 1982 ... 41 by Wiggins tonight ... and 41 by Southwest Missouri State's Jackie Stiles vs. Duke in 2001), we've seen half of 'em. ////// Swoopes simply shredded the Buckeyes in that '93 title game ... and Stiles was oodles of fun for SMSU (now known simply as "Missouri State -- Alma Mater of Ryan Howard") during those '01 playoffs when Miss Jackie was dubbed "Pistol With A Ponytail." ///// Nobody's sure what ever happened to Lorri Bauman or Barbara Kennedy -- stars of the '82 playoffs -- but, it doesn't really matter much because the two seasons which followed '82, somebody named Cheryl Miller put chicks hoops on the map (maybe because some of us had the privilege of watching her play once when she visited that rickety SJSU gym on the corner of Fourth & San Carlos where we and some of our SJSU chums and rivals played a lot of hoops ... before Cheryl came along and made slightly more baskets than we ever did on those unforgiving rims). //// All of this gal-hoop talk, however, isn't doin' a damn thing to improve the 135.01 ERA which Tom Gordon now has -- this, after he came into today's game with the score tied, 6-6, in the top of the 9th and promptly allowed 5 runs in one-third of an IP. ///// If only Flash had recorded another out, his ERA would be 67.50 -- and, next week, when he's workin' hard to get it to triple digits (down from quintuple digits), we'd say that his ERA was "manageable." ///// Of course, if he could've surrendered those five runs and stuck around to record the final out of the inning, his ERA would be 45.00 -- and that would be on par with today's theme of "40" (Wiggins, Swoopes, Stiles). //// Kinda reminds ya of what Stan Ridgway sang about back in '86: "Along the way he wondered / If he left behind a clue / The front page of the paper / Dated 1992 / He remembered when he used to be / The chairman of the board / But that was when the world was young / And long before the war / And everybody wants another piece of pie today, he said ..." //// Words to live by. //// Because, near The Cit, today was a dreary, damp and chilly day ... the final day of March, 2008 ... not the sunny, bright, hopeful final day of September, 2007. /////// Kinda like that song from Stan Ridgway when he sang about, "Lofty possibilities / You never had a doubt / We always screamed from the bleachers / When you'd always strike out / Now you're way out in front / And you look glory-bound / You're just a little too smart / For a big, dumb town ..."
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Tragedy at the Miss George Mason Pageant
If you didn't see this coming, then you weren't paying attention or you were blinded by either Bobby's sweater-and-polo-shirt combo or the 1,000 ounces of gel in Lavin's hair.
Four Number 1 seeds advancing to the NCAA b-ball playoff semifinals -- the Frickin' Four -- is about as predictable as it gets even though it's never happened before.
Sorry, darkhorses USC, Pitt, Texas and Wisconsin.
And, it's a big, fat "double A ... (honk! honk!) ... emm cee ohh" to you, Davidson College of Davidson, NC.
Those pesky Quebeckians couldn't capture our imagination during the swimsuit competition, so now they must return to the heart of NASCAR Country -- only they must do so w/o the "Miss George Mason 2008" sash and tiara.
Thanks to the Jaywalks.
Other than another Cindy Relish fairy tale gone awry, the predictability factor has been somewhere between Amber Alert and Defcon One.
Probably the only thing America didn't see coming when this tournament began was Syracuse Fan reaching over with an ungloved finger and dabbing at the ranch dressing (or bleu cheese) on Georgetown Fan's moustache -- before the two hot-wings eaters smile awkwardly and then removed each other clothes.
Right there in the Sheraton lounge.
(Even though bedwetterologist Joe Lunardi wishes that he was the finger or the moustache in that TV ad, some of us had our brackets with a Sorrycuse chick and a Georgeclown chick in that TV ad ... only Hoya Gal spills some wine on her blouse and has to remove it so that Orange Gal can clean it with some club soda ... only, it's really just an excuse to slip off a silk top before unclasping ummm ... well ... )
Seriously, re-writing and re-inventing that soft-porn Sheraton ad wherein guys are putting their grubby fingers too close to another guy's mouth, well ... even though Lavin might wish that he and Joe Lunardi had been cast as Orange Man and Hoya Fan, that's no reason for Lavin's gel to invent a drinking game called "Courageous Curry."
Sure, we ALL knew that somebody was going to declare a national holiday for the so-called bravery exhibited by Dell Curry's kid -- only thing is, most of our brackets had Dickie V. doin' the honors.
Actual quote from Lavin's gel: "All of his baskets had significance. The courage, the skills, the heart (CLICK!) ...
Sometimes, our TV-remote clicker finger isn't as quick as Curry-ageous' trigger finger.
And, for we civilians who weren't there when Lavin was inventing basketball after using a spatula to gel his hair, we need clarification re: how to quantify and categorize 16 missed shots by Curryageous to go along with those 9 made baskets "of significance."
There's no denying it: Curry had the courage to take those shots -- and the courage to miss 'em.
He missed his first five shots (as the teams crawled out to a 9-6 score at the 11-minute mark of the first half) ... he had two baskets within the first 1:29 of the second half -- and then scored only two more baskets during the game's final 18:31.
In between the 3-ball he buried at the 18:31 mark and the one he knocked down at the 0:54 mark, Curry was 0 of 7 from beyond the arc.
Maybe KU coach Bill Self employed a "Don't Worry About Curry" mindset (i.e. it's OK if Curry scores his 50 or 60 or 70 points -- just don't allow frickin' Max Paulhus-Gosselin to beat ya'll).
That 10-minute stretch just before halftime bore this out:
10:26 -- Richards missed a 3.
8:08 -- Rossiter missed 2 FT ...
5:11 -- Barr missed a 3
4:03 -- Richards missed a 3 ...
3:11 -- Archambault missed a 3 ...
2:05 -- Sander missed a FT after scoring ...
1:26 -- Paulhus-Gosselin missed a 3 ...
0:04 -- Richards missed a 3 ...
Missing all six 3-balls and all three FT might work in those rugged conference games against The Citadel and the Furman Palladins, but, c'mon ...
No, seriously ... "c'mon."
These are the regional finals -- not a relaxed setting, such as the Sheraton, where it's no big deal to use your finger to wipe some ranch (or bleu cheese) dressing off of somebody else's moustache (before he returns the favor later by licking the tartar sauce off of your chin).
[Editor's note: Dickie V. will attempt to use his egghead and babble babble babble to convince America that Davidson is no George Mason because, "in theory," Davidson is a hidden talent from a mid-major, blah blah blah Brick City, U-S-A, bayyy-beee ... Truth: Davidson is not George Mason '06 -- because George Mason '06 had three or four ballplayers with some actual talent while "Miss George Mason 2008" has some very nice, well-rounded, student-athletes who place an emphasis on "student" ... Proof: That unforgettable scene from the first half when the big Nigerian kid, Andrew Lovedale, went swooping to the basket ... rising up for what we presumed was going to be a dunk of facial proportions -- only The Big Clumsy inexplicably dished off when a dish-off seemed unnecessary. And then the recipient of the pass -- Thomas Sander -- took a step to the basket for the OUCH! Darrell Arthur and his #00 jersey completely gobbled up the basketball. Arthur didn't merely block the shot .. he swallowed it whole. THAT ... was oodles of fun ... ]
Davidson's dream of "Miss George Mason 2008" came crashin' down because, aside from those three 3-balls which Bryant Barr nailed within a 2:18 span of the second half, the talent-level, aside from Curry and 2-mins, 18-secs of Barr, was mighty bleak.
Barr probably shoulda been the option for that desperation shot at the buzzer when Curry -- surprise! -- drew the triple-team, but what did anyone expect from new hot-commodity Bob McKillop?
Bobby Mac's credibility took a beating when he fell into the coaching trap of "Let's Put Our Worst Player -- Who Just So Happens To Be My Son -- Into A Game Which We AREN'T Winning By 47 Or 58 Points."
Brendan McKillop is a guy who knows how to get things done while scoring garbage baskets during garbage time of a 47-point win over The Citadel or a 58-point win over the Furman Palladins -- and there's nuthin' wrong with that.
But, if Brendan McKillop (whoever he is) has taken off his warm-ups and he's crouching by the scorer's table and lookin' to check in at the next whistle during a close game against the Jaywalks, uh oh ...
That's not exactly basketball, America.
That's a deleted scene from the "Miss George Mason Pageant."
That is, the "Miss George Mason Pageant" in 2010 ...
Four Number 1 seeds advancing to the NCAA b-ball playoff semifinals -- the Frickin' Four -- is about as predictable as it gets even though it's never happened before.
Sorry, darkhorses USC, Pitt, Texas and Wisconsin.
And, it's a big, fat "double A ... (honk! honk!) ... emm cee ohh" to you, Davidson College of Davidson, NC.
Those pesky Quebeckians couldn't capture our imagination during the swimsuit competition, so now they must return to the heart of NASCAR Country -- only they must do so w/o the "Miss George Mason 2008" sash and tiara.
Thanks to the Jaywalks.
Other than another Cindy Relish fairy tale gone awry, the predictability factor has been somewhere between Amber Alert and Defcon One.
Probably the only thing America didn't see coming when this tournament began was Syracuse Fan reaching over with an ungloved finger and dabbing at the ranch dressing (or bleu cheese) on Georgetown Fan's moustache -- before the two hot-wings eaters smile awkwardly and then removed each other clothes.
Right there in the Sheraton lounge.
(Even though bedwetterologist Joe Lunardi wishes that he was the finger or the moustache in that TV ad, some of us had our brackets with a Sorrycuse chick and a Georgeclown chick in that TV ad ... only Hoya Gal spills some wine on her blouse and has to remove it so that Orange Gal can clean it with some club soda ... only, it's really just an excuse to slip off a silk top before unclasping ummm ... well ... )
Seriously, re-writing and re-inventing that soft-porn Sheraton ad wherein guys are putting their grubby fingers too close to another guy's mouth, well ... even though Lavin might wish that he and Joe Lunardi had been cast as Orange Man and Hoya Fan, that's no reason for Lavin's gel to invent a drinking game called "Courageous Curry."
Sure, we ALL knew that somebody was going to declare a national holiday for the so-called bravery exhibited by Dell Curry's kid -- only thing is, most of our brackets had Dickie V. doin' the honors.
Actual quote from Lavin's gel: "All of his baskets had significance. The courage, the skills, the heart (CLICK!) ...
Sometimes, our TV-remote clicker finger isn't as quick as Curry-ageous' trigger finger.
And, for we civilians who weren't there when Lavin was inventing basketball after using a spatula to gel his hair, we need clarification re: how to quantify and categorize 16 missed shots by Curryageous to go along with those 9 made baskets "of significance."
There's no denying it: Curry had the courage to take those shots -- and the courage to miss 'em.
He missed his first five shots (as the teams crawled out to a 9-6 score at the 11-minute mark of the first half) ... he had two baskets within the first 1:29 of the second half -- and then scored only two more baskets during the game's final 18:31.
In between the 3-ball he buried at the 18:31 mark and the one he knocked down at the 0:54 mark, Curry was 0 of 7 from beyond the arc.
Maybe KU coach Bill Self employed a "Don't Worry About Curry" mindset (i.e. it's OK if Curry scores his 50 or 60 or 70 points -- just don't allow frickin' Max Paulhus-Gosselin to beat ya'll).
That 10-minute stretch just before halftime bore this out:
10:26 -- Richards missed a 3.
8:08 -- Rossiter missed 2 FT ...
5:11 -- Barr missed a 3
4:03 -- Richards missed a 3 ...
3:11 -- Archambault missed a 3 ...
2:05 -- Sander missed a FT after scoring ...
1:26 -- Paulhus-Gosselin missed a 3 ...
0:04 -- Richards missed a 3 ...
Missing all six 3-balls and all three FT might work in those rugged conference games against The Citadel and the Furman Palladins, but, c'mon ...
No, seriously ... "c'mon."
These are the regional finals -- not a relaxed setting, such as the Sheraton, where it's no big deal to use your finger to wipe some ranch (or bleu cheese) dressing off of somebody else's moustache (before he returns the favor later by licking the tartar sauce off of your chin).
[Editor's note: Dickie V. will attempt to use his egghead and babble babble babble to convince America that Davidson is no George Mason because, "in theory," Davidson is a hidden talent from a mid-major, blah blah blah Brick City, U-S-A, bayyy-beee ... Truth: Davidson is not George Mason '06 -- because George Mason '06 had three or four ballplayers with some actual talent while "Miss George Mason 2008" has some very nice, well-rounded, student-athletes who place an emphasis on "student" ... Proof: That unforgettable scene from the first half when the big Nigerian kid, Andrew Lovedale, went swooping to the basket ... rising up for what we presumed was going to be a dunk of facial proportions -- only The Big Clumsy inexplicably dished off when a dish-off seemed unnecessary. And then the recipient of the pass -- Thomas Sander -- took a step to the basket for the OUCH! Darrell Arthur and his #00 jersey completely gobbled up the basketball. Arthur didn't merely block the shot .. he swallowed it whole. THAT ... was oodles of fun ... ]
Davidson's dream of "Miss George Mason 2008" came crashin' down because, aside from those three 3-balls which Bryant Barr nailed within a 2:18 span of the second half, the talent-level, aside from Curry and 2-mins, 18-secs of Barr, was mighty bleak.
Barr probably shoulda been the option for that desperation shot at the buzzer when Curry -- surprise! -- drew the triple-team, but what did anyone expect from new hot-commodity Bob McKillop?
Bobby Mac's credibility took a beating when he fell into the coaching trap of "Let's Put Our Worst Player -- Who Just So Happens To Be My Son -- Into A Game Which We AREN'T Winning By 47 Or 58 Points."
Brendan McKillop is a guy who knows how to get things done while scoring garbage baskets during garbage time of a 47-point win over The Citadel or a 58-point win over the Furman Palladins -- and there's nuthin' wrong with that.
But, if Brendan McKillop (whoever he is) has taken off his warm-ups and he's crouching by the scorer's table and lookin' to check in at the next whistle during a close game against the Jaywalks, uh oh ...
That's not exactly basketball, America.
That's a deleted scene from the "Miss George Mason Pageant."
That is, the "Miss George Mason Pageant" in 2010 ...
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Nice Effort, UNC -- But, Duke's No. 1
UNLESS THE GUYS WHO VOTE ON SUCH MATTERS MAKE SYRACUSE, AND NOT DUKE, THIS WEEK'S NEW NO. 1 -- NOW THAT THE TEAM WHICH BEGAN THE DAY AT NO. 1 (PREVIOUSLY 9-0 VIRGINIA) WAS KNOCKED OFF AT MARYLAND.
THE TERPS FIGURE TO CLIMB INTO THE TOP 5 AS THEY BID FOR THEIR FIRST NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP SINCE 1975.
BUT, LET'S NOT GET AHEAD OF OURSELVES IN LAX CHAT.
BECAUSE WE MAYBE DON'T KNOW AS MUCH AS WE THINK WE KNOW (i.e. THERE EXISTS A CHANCE THAT WE'RE FAKING IT).
AND, WELL ... SOMEBODY OUT THERE MAY WANT TO TALK ABOUT UNC B-BALL, MORE-SPECIFICALLY, UNC VS. LOUISVILLE.
IT'S AN INTERESTING TOPIC, GIVEN THAT DEAN N' DENNY BROUGHT TEAMS INTO THE CONTEST WHICH MATCHED UP SOMEWHAT EVENLY.
WHILE COACH CRUM SEEMED TO BE AT A SLIGHT DISADVANTAGE IN THE LOW POST BY MATCHING FRESHMAN PERVIS ELLISON (15 POINTS, 6 REBOUNDS) AGAINST BRAD DAUGHERTY (19 POINTS, 15 REBOUNDS), CRUM KNEW THAT HIS KEYS TO SUCCESS WOULD BE IN THE PLAY OF FORWARDS, BILLY THOMPSON AND HERBERT CROOK VS. COACH SMITH'S ONLY REAL ANSWER TO THAT TANDEM: JOE WOLF.
AND, EVERYBODY KNEW THAT THE CARDINAL BACKCOURT (MILT WAGNER AND JEFF HALL) VS. THE UNC BACKCOURT (KENNY SMITH & STEVE HALE) HAD SLIGHT EDGE, SO IT WAS UP TO JEFF LEBO TO BECOME THE X-FACTOR.
LEBO HAD 18 POINTS, BUT, MAKE NO MISTAKE: LOUISVILLE WON THAT 1986 EAST REGIONAL SEMIFINAL OVER UNC, 94-79, AT THE FOUL LINE.
THE CARDINALS SANK 28 OF 33 FREE THROWS ... AND THEN DENNY'S CARDS DISPATCHED CHUCK PERSON, CHRIS MORRIS AND A SCRAPPY AUBURN TEAM IN THE REGIONAL FINAL AFTER THOSE TIGERS HAD KNOCKED OFF THE NO. 1 SEED (ST. JOHN'S) AND THE NO. 4 SEED (UNLV) TO HALT!
THE ASSIGNMENT BEFORE US WAS THAT WE WERE TO DISCUSS TONIGHT'S UNC-LOUSYVILLE GAME, WASN'T IT?
UMMMMM, OKAY ... EXCEPT, IN SUCH A SCENARIO, ALL THAT TRULY MATTERS IN A SHOWDOWN OF THIS MAGNITUDE IS ROY WILLIAMS' FABULOUS GOLF TAN VS. RICK PITINO'S DAZZLING CUFF LINKS.
WHADDYA SAY, AMERICA -- HOW MUCH DID EITHER COACH SPEND ON TONIGHT'S NECKTIE? (WE CAN MAKE THIS LIKE THE SHOWCASE SHOWDOWN ON "THE PRICE IS RIGHT").
$68.50?
$100?
MORE THAN $175?
GREAT, GREAT GUESSES.
WHAT DOES BOBBY'S FUCHSIA-SWEATER-WITH-PEACH-COLOURED-SHIRT-COLLAR SAY? ("SHHHHHH ... LET'S WAIT 'TIL THE SUNDAY NIGHT CONVERSATION WHEN HE AND TONY LALOSER AND BIG TUNA TALK IN MEANINGLESS TONES ABOUT VAGUE GENERALITIES WHICH NOBODY CARES ABOUT ...")
IF WE'RE GOING TO ALLOW THOSE COACHING DINOSAURS TO ROAM THE EARTH, THEN WE'LL NEED TO BALANCE OUT THE UNIVERSE BY RE-VISITING PROBABLY THE GREATEST NORTH CAROLINA/LOUISVILLE GAME EVER PLAYED.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: IN THAT '86 CHAMPIONSHIP GAME AGAINST DUKE, HERBERT CROOK HAD 10 POINTS AND 12 REBOUNDS, BUT HE ALSO HAD 9 TURNOVERS (WHICH IS TOO, TOO MANY) AND HE WAS 0-3 FROM THE FOUL LINE -- AND, HERE'S SOMETHING ELSE: IN THE 1ST-ROUND GAME WHICH PITTED THE DUKE BLUE DEVILS AGAINST THE MISSISSIPPI VALLEY STATE DELTA DEVILS (A PROGRAM WHICH WAS BACK IN THE TOURNEY THIS YEAR FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE '86), DUKE TRAILED MSVU WELL INTO THE SECOND HALF (BETTER YET, MVSU HAD A PLAYER WITH A PROFOUNDLY-COOL B-BALL NAME: "TEDDY BLOODSAW" -- ALTHOUGH THE RESEARCH BOYS IN THE LAB HAVE NOT DETERMINED IF THAT PLAYER WITH THE AWESOME NAME IS ANY RELATION TO CURRENT HALL OF FAME QB (AND FOX'S SUNDAY STUDIO HERO) TERRY BLOODSAW OR FUTURE HALL OF FAME QB, DREW BLOODSAW ...]
Y'KNOW, WE ALL DO A LOTTA DOGGIN' OF ESPN 'CUZ THEY TURN SPORTS REPORTING INTO A FRICKIN' CIRCUS, BUT, WHEN THE NETWORK TRULY APPLIES ITSELF, IT CAN PRODUCE SOME MEATY, THOUGHT-PROVOKING MATERIAL.
SUCH AS THE TWO-PART "BLACK MAGIC" DOCUMENTARY FROM TWO WEEKS AGO (WHICH HAS SINCE BEEN REPLAYED ON OCCASION, WHEN THE TIME SLOTS BECOME AVAILABLE BETWEEN TEXAS HOLD 'EM POKER FROM 2004 AND THE HOME RUN DERBY FROM 2007).
THE "BLACK MAGIC" SAGA OF BOB LOVE WAS RIVETING AND THE BOBBY PHILLS SEGMENT WAS INTERESTING ... BUT THE FEATURE ON BEN JOBE -- WHO GOES BACK A MIGHTY LONG WAY WITH BOBBY CREMINS -- WAS EQUALLY FASCINATING.
COACH JOBE SINGLED OUT THE '78 NCAA PLAYOFFS AND THE SUCCESS WHICH DUKE ENJOYED MAKING LONG OUTLET PASSES TO MIKE GMINSKI FOR EASY BUCKETS -- AND BEN JOBE LAMENTED THAT WHEN HE HAD INSTITUTED THE SAME STYLE YEARS EARLIER, IT WAS CALLED "JUNGLE BALL."
WE CAN'T BLAME THAT ONE ON SHUHSHEFFSKEE.
THAT WAS ALL BILL FOSTER.
SPEAKING OF SOMEONE WHOSE CAUCASIAN IS SHOWING A LITTLE TOO MUCH, WHAT THE HELL IS THE DEAL WITH THE SEASON-LONG LOVE AFFAIR BETWEEN JAY BILAS AND LOUSYVILLE'S DAVID PADGETT?
ORDINARILY, YOU'D EXPECT BILAS TO GET ALL STARRY-EYED WHILE GUSHING ABOUT SOMEBODY FROM THE PALOS VERDES PENINSULA (KINDA LIKE THE WAY SOME OF US GOT ALL TANGLED UP IN VARIOUS STAGES OF UNDRESS WITH CYNTHIA FROM THE PEE VEE ... WAY BACK WHEN ... DURING YESTERYEAR ... JUST BEFORE SHE WAS A CHI OMEGA PLEDGE ...).
APPARENTLY, NOBODY INFORMED BILAS THAT WHILE PADGETT STANDS 6-11, HIS LEGS AIN'T AS NICE AS CYN'S WHEN THEY'RE WRAPPED AROUND, UMMMMM ... ANYWAY, SURE ... UMMMM, WELL, YEAH, OKAY, UMMM ... THE EASIEST WAY TO EXPLAIN BILAS' FONDNESS FOR PADGETT IS TO RECOGNIZE THAT PADGETT '08 IS BILAS '86.
THAT ASPECT IS NOT IN DISPUTE.
C'MON, THOUGH ... PADGETT '08 AIN'T CYNTHIA '83, SO ...
THE OTHER NIGHT, IN THE 3.8 MINUTES THAT SOME OF US ALLOWED OURSELVES TO CO-EXIST IN THE SAME ROOM WITH LOUSYVILLE/TENNIS-SEA, BILAS REMARKED, "PADGETT CAN REALLY DOMINATE A GAME WITHOUT SCORING. HIS SMARTS (CLICK!)
IT'S DEPRESSING WHEN SOMEONE OF BILAS' ALLEGED INTELLECT APPEARS TO BE NUTHIN' MORE THAN A DUDE WHO MIGHT'VE BEEN TAKING HUFF-HITS FROM THE SAME CRYSTAL DRANO JUG THAT REGGIE RANKIN OF STATS, INC. WAS IN LATE FEB. WHEN HE WROTE (YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS, AMERICA): "JUNIOR POINT GUARD DOMINIC JAMES (OF MARQUETTE) CAN DOMINATE A GAME IN MANY WAYS."
CONSPIRACY THEORISTS HAVE THEORIZED THAT PERHAPS THE BIG EAST CONFERENCE SENT A DIRECTIVE TO THE DISNEYLAND SPORTS NETWORK ABOUT OVERHYPING SOME EXTREMELY MEDIOCRE PLAYERS.
WHO'S GONNA KNOW?
WHO'S IT GONNA HURT?
HOLY CRAP ... DOMINIC JAMES IS BARELY OKAY -- AND PADGETT? HE'S MIGHTY "IFFY," TOO, GIVEN THAT, ON THE LOUISVILLE CARDINALS DREAM TEAM WHICH EXISTS IN OUR HEARTS AND IN OUR MINDS (BEFORE THE PROGRAM MOVED TO "LOUSYVILLE"), PADGETT AND HIS BILAS-APPROVED ZERO-DEGREES-OF-DOMINATION WOULDN'T COME CLOSE TO CRACKING THE STARTING FRONTCOURT.
NOT WITH STARTERS WES UNSELD, PERVIS ELLISON AND JUNIOR BRIDGEMAN LOOKIN' TO TAKE ON ALL COMERS (FYI: THE DREAM TEAM BACKCOURT STARTERS ARE -- WHO ELSE? -- "DR. DUNKENSTEIN" DARRELL GRIFFITH AND MILT WAGNER).
POOR POOR PADGETT -- WITH HIS MARGINAL TALENTS (ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT HE'S 6-11), HE CAN'T EVEN SCROUNGE UP GARBAGE TIME MINUTES ON OUR CARDINAL DREAM TEAM WHEN THERE'S RODNEY McCRAY, CLIFFORD ROZIER AND FELTON SPENCER ON THE BENCH, LOOKIN' FOR MINUTES.
MAYBE DAVID PADGETT IS A REAL SWELL GUY, A GOOD STUDENT AND A GOOD CITIZEN, BUT, HIS AGENT HAS GOT TO STOP BILAS FROM MAKING AMERICA HATE DAVID PADGETT.
IF SOMEONE DOESN'T STOP BILAS, WE'RE DESTINED TO HEAR, "DAVID PADGETT IS THE TYPE OF DOMINATING PLAYER WHO IS SO DOMINANT THAT HE CAN DOMINATE GAMES HE'S NOT EVEN PLAYING IN ..."
THEN AGAIN, SOME OFR US HAVE TO WONDER ALOUD AS TO WHY A PLAYER OF DAVID PADGETT'S DOMINANCE WOULD ALLOW SOMETHING AS FORBIDDEN TO OCCUR AS WHAT HAPPENED THE OTHER NIGHT WHEN THE OPPOSING COACH IN THE GAME IN WHICH DAVID PADGETT WAS DOMINATING ALLOWED HIS OWN SON TO GET SOME P.T.
THAT'S RIGHT ... THE COACH THAT WE KNOW AS THE BLACK PEARL ALLOWED SON OF THE BLACK PEARL TO SEE SOME ACTION IN A GAME IN WHICH THE VOLS WERE NOT WINNING BY 43 OR 58 POINTS.
AS IF THAT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH, SON OF THE BLACK PEARL WAS WEARING ERNIE GRUNFELD'S #22 ... A NUMBER WHICH WAS RETIRED AT A PRE-GAME CEREMONY BEFORE THE CONTEST AGAINST KENTUCKY.
THAT'S ONLY ONE OF THE MESSED-UP SCENES FROM THESE BASKETBALL PLAYOFFS.
ORDER WILL BE RESTORED, SOMEWHAT, ONCE KANSAS RIPS OFF THE SASH AND SMASHES THE TIARA OF DAVIDSON, THE PETITE CONTESTANT WITH THE GRAND DREAM OF BEING CROWNED "MISS GEORGE MASON 2008."
SOME OF US GET THE FEELING THAT DAVID PADGETT JUST MIGHT SABOTAGE THE PAGEANT FOR DAVIDSON, WHICH WOULD BE A REAL DOWNER FOR ALL OF THOSE HEADLINE WRITERS WHO ARE JUST ITCHIN' TO USE THE "DAVID(SON) SLAYS GOLIATH" HEADLINE.
BUT, THAT'S WHAT YA GET FOR MESSIN' WITH DAVID PADGETT.
HE CAN DOMINATE GAMES HE DOESN'T EVEN CARE ABOUT ...
THE TERPS FIGURE TO CLIMB INTO THE TOP 5 AS THEY BID FOR THEIR FIRST NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP SINCE 1975.
BUT, LET'S NOT GET AHEAD OF OURSELVES IN LAX CHAT.
BECAUSE WE MAYBE DON'T KNOW AS MUCH AS WE THINK WE KNOW (i.e. THERE EXISTS A CHANCE THAT WE'RE FAKING IT).
AND, WELL ... SOMEBODY OUT THERE MAY WANT TO TALK ABOUT UNC B-BALL, MORE-SPECIFICALLY, UNC VS. LOUISVILLE.
IT'S AN INTERESTING TOPIC, GIVEN THAT DEAN N' DENNY BROUGHT TEAMS INTO THE CONTEST WHICH MATCHED UP SOMEWHAT EVENLY.
WHILE COACH CRUM SEEMED TO BE AT A SLIGHT DISADVANTAGE IN THE LOW POST BY MATCHING FRESHMAN PERVIS ELLISON (15 POINTS, 6 REBOUNDS) AGAINST BRAD DAUGHERTY (19 POINTS, 15 REBOUNDS), CRUM KNEW THAT HIS KEYS TO SUCCESS WOULD BE IN THE PLAY OF FORWARDS, BILLY THOMPSON AND HERBERT CROOK VS. COACH SMITH'S ONLY REAL ANSWER TO THAT TANDEM: JOE WOLF.
AND, EVERYBODY KNEW THAT THE CARDINAL BACKCOURT (MILT WAGNER AND JEFF HALL) VS. THE UNC BACKCOURT (KENNY SMITH & STEVE HALE) HAD SLIGHT EDGE, SO IT WAS UP TO JEFF LEBO TO BECOME THE X-FACTOR.
LEBO HAD 18 POINTS, BUT, MAKE NO MISTAKE: LOUISVILLE WON THAT 1986 EAST REGIONAL SEMIFINAL OVER UNC, 94-79, AT THE FOUL LINE.
THE CARDINALS SANK 28 OF 33 FREE THROWS ... AND THEN DENNY'S CARDS DISPATCHED CHUCK PERSON, CHRIS MORRIS AND A SCRAPPY AUBURN TEAM IN THE REGIONAL FINAL AFTER THOSE TIGERS HAD KNOCKED OFF THE NO. 1 SEED (ST. JOHN'S) AND THE NO. 4 SEED (UNLV) TO HALT!
THE ASSIGNMENT BEFORE US WAS THAT WE WERE TO DISCUSS TONIGHT'S UNC-LOUSYVILLE GAME, WASN'T IT?
UMMMMM, OKAY ... EXCEPT, IN SUCH A SCENARIO, ALL THAT TRULY MATTERS IN A SHOWDOWN OF THIS MAGNITUDE IS ROY WILLIAMS' FABULOUS GOLF TAN VS. RICK PITINO'S DAZZLING CUFF LINKS.
WHADDYA SAY, AMERICA -- HOW MUCH DID EITHER COACH SPEND ON TONIGHT'S NECKTIE? (WE CAN MAKE THIS LIKE THE SHOWCASE SHOWDOWN ON "THE PRICE IS RIGHT").
$68.50?
$100?
MORE THAN $175?
GREAT, GREAT GUESSES.
WHAT DOES BOBBY'S FUCHSIA-SWEATER-WITH-PEACH-COLOURED-SHIRT-COLLAR SAY? ("SHHHHHH ... LET'S WAIT 'TIL THE SUNDAY NIGHT CONVERSATION WHEN HE AND TONY LALOSER AND BIG TUNA TALK IN MEANINGLESS TONES ABOUT VAGUE GENERALITIES WHICH NOBODY CARES ABOUT ...")
IF WE'RE GOING TO ALLOW THOSE COACHING DINOSAURS TO ROAM THE EARTH, THEN WE'LL NEED TO BALANCE OUT THE UNIVERSE BY RE-VISITING PROBABLY THE GREATEST NORTH CAROLINA/LOUISVILLE GAME EVER PLAYED.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: IN THAT '86 CHAMPIONSHIP GAME AGAINST DUKE, HERBERT CROOK HAD 10 POINTS AND 12 REBOUNDS, BUT HE ALSO HAD 9 TURNOVERS (WHICH IS TOO, TOO MANY) AND HE WAS 0-3 FROM THE FOUL LINE -- AND, HERE'S SOMETHING ELSE: IN THE 1ST-ROUND GAME WHICH PITTED THE DUKE BLUE DEVILS AGAINST THE MISSISSIPPI VALLEY STATE DELTA DEVILS (A PROGRAM WHICH WAS BACK IN THE TOURNEY THIS YEAR FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE '86), DUKE TRAILED MSVU WELL INTO THE SECOND HALF (BETTER YET, MVSU HAD A PLAYER WITH A PROFOUNDLY-COOL B-BALL NAME: "TEDDY BLOODSAW" -- ALTHOUGH THE RESEARCH BOYS IN THE LAB HAVE NOT DETERMINED IF THAT PLAYER WITH THE AWESOME NAME IS ANY RELATION TO CURRENT HALL OF FAME QB (AND FOX'S SUNDAY STUDIO HERO) TERRY BLOODSAW OR FUTURE HALL OF FAME QB, DREW BLOODSAW ...]
Y'KNOW, WE ALL DO A LOTTA DOGGIN' OF ESPN 'CUZ THEY TURN SPORTS REPORTING INTO A FRICKIN' CIRCUS, BUT, WHEN THE NETWORK TRULY APPLIES ITSELF, IT CAN PRODUCE SOME MEATY, THOUGHT-PROVOKING MATERIAL.
SUCH AS THE TWO-PART "BLACK MAGIC" DOCUMENTARY FROM TWO WEEKS AGO (WHICH HAS SINCE BEEN REPLAYED ON OCCASION, WHEN THE TIME SLOTS BECOME AVAILABLE BETWEEN TEXAS HOLD 'EM POKER FROM 2004 AND THE HOME RUN DERBY FROM 2007).
THE "BLACK MAGIC" SAGA OF BOB LOVE WAS RIVETING AND THE BOBBY PHILLS SEGMENT WAS INTERESTING ... BUT THE FEATURE ON BEN JOBE -- WHO GOES BACK A MIGHTY LONG WAY WITH BOBBY CREMINS -- WAS EQUALLY FASCINATING.
COACH JOBE SINGLED OUT THE '78 NCAA PLAYOFFS AND THE SUCCESS WHICH DUKE ENJOYED MAKING LONG OUTLET PASSES TO MIKE GMINSKI FOR EASY BUCKETS -- AND BEN JOBE LAMENTED THAT WHEN HE HAD INSTITUTED THE SAME STYLE YEARS EARLIER, IT WAS CALLED "JUNGLE BALL."
WE CAN'T BLAME THAT ONE ON SHUHSHEFFSKEE.
THAT WAS ALL BILL FOSTER.
SPEAKING OF SOMEONE WHOSE CAUCASIAN IS SHOWING A LITTLE TOO MUCH, WHAT THE HELL IS THE DEAL WITH THE SEASON-LONG LOVE AFFAIR BETWEEN JAY BILAS AND LOUSYVILLE'S DAVID PADGETT?
ORDINARILY, YOU'D EXPECT BILAS TO GET ALL STARRY-EYED WHILE GUSHING ABOUT SOMEBODY FROM THE PALOS VERDES PENINSULA (KINDA LIKE THE WAY SOME OF US GOT ALL TANGLED UP IN VARIOUS STAGES OF UNDRESS WITH CYNTHIA FROM THE PEE VEE ... WAY BACK WHEN ... DURING YESTERYEAR ... JUST BEFORE SHE WAS A CHI OMEGA PLEDGE ...).
APPARENTLY, NOBODY INFORMED BILAS THAT WHILE PADGETT STANDS 6-11, HIS LEGS AIN'T AS NICE AS CYN'S WHEN THEY'RE WRAPPED AROUND, UMMMMM ... ANYWAY, SURE ... UMMMM, WELL, YEAH, OKAY, UMMM ... THE EASIEST WAY TO EXPLAIN BILAS' FONDNESS FOR PADGETT IS TO RECOGNIZE THAT PADGETT '08 IS BILAS '86.
THAT ASPECT IS NOT IN DISPUTE.
C'MON, THOUGH ... PADGETT '08 AIN'T CYNTHIA '83, SO ...
THE OTHER NIGHT, IN THE 3.8 MINUTES THAT SOME OF US ALLOWED OURSELVES TO CO-EXIST IN THE SAME ROOM WITH LOUSYVILLE/TENNIS-SEA, BILAS REMARKED, "PADGETT CAN REALLY DOMINATE A GAME WITHOUT SCORING. HIS SMARTS (CLICK!)
IT'S DEPRESSING WHEN SOMEONE OF BILAS' ALLEGED INTELLECT APPEARS TO BE NUTHIN' MORE THAN A DUDE WHO MIGHT'VE BEEN TAKING HUFF-HITS FROM THE SAME CRYSTAL DRANO JUG THAT REGGIE RANKIN OF STATS, INC. WAS IN LATE FEB. WHEN HE WROTE (YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS, AMERICA): "JUNIOR POINT GUARD DOMINIC JAMES (OF MARQUETTE) CAN DOMINATE A GAME IN MANY WAYS."
CONSPIRACY THEORISTS HAVE THEORIZED THAT PERHAPS THE BIG EAST CONFERENCE SENT A DIRECTIVE TO THE DISNEYLAND SPORTS NETWORK ABOUT OVERHYPING SOME EXTREMELY MEDIOCRE PLAYERS.
WHO'S GONNA KNOW?
WHO'S IT GONNA HURT?
HOLY CRAP ... DOMINIC JAMES IS BARELY OKAY -- AND PADGETT? HE'S MIGHTY "IFFY," TOO, GIVEN THAT, ON THE LOUISVILLE CARDINALS DREAM TEAM WHICH EXISTS IN OUR HEARTS AND IN OUR MINDS (BEFORE THE PROGRAM MOVED TO "LOUSYVILLE"), PADGETT AND HIS BILAS-APPROVED ZERO-DEGREES-OF-DOMINATION WOULDN'T COME CLOSE TO CRACKING THE STARTING FRONTCOURT.
NOT WITH STARTERS WES UNSELD, PERVIS ELLISON AND JUNIOR BRIDGEMAN LOOKIN' TO TAKE ON ALL COMERS (FYI: THE DREAM TEAM BACKCOURT STARTERS ARE -- WHO ELSE? -- "DR. DUNKENSTEIN" DARRELL GRIFFITH AND MILT WAGNER).
POOR POOR PADGETT -- WITH HIS MARGINAL TALENTS (ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT HE'S 6-11), HE CAN'T EVEN SCROUNGE UP GARBAGE TIME MINUTES ON OUR CARDINAL DREAM TEAM WHEN THERE'S RODNEY McCRAY, CLIFFORD ROZIER AND FELTON SPENCER ON THE BENCH, LOOKIN' FOR MINUTES.
MAYBE DAVID PADGETT IS A REAL SWELL GUY, A GOOD STUDENT AND A GOOD CITIZEN, BUT, HIS AGENT HAS GOT TO STOP BILAS FROM MAKING AMERICA HATE DAVID PADGETT.
IF SOMEONE DOESN'T STOP BILAS, WE'RE DESTINED TO HEAR, "DAVID PADGETT IS THE TYPE OF DOMINATING PLAYER WHO IS SO DOMINANT THAT HE CAN DOMINATE GAMES HE'S NOT EVEN PLAYING IN ..."
THEN AGAIN, SOME OFR US HAVE TO WONDER ALOUD AS TO WHY A PLAYER OF DAVID PADGETT'S DOMINANCE WOULD ALLOW SOMETHING AS FORBIDDEN TO OCCUR AS WHAT HAPPENED THE OTHER NIGHT WHEN THE OPPOSING COACH IN THE GAME IN WHICH DAVID PADGETT WAS DOMINATING ALLOWED HIS OWN SON TO GET SOME P.T.
THAT'S RIGHT ... THE COACH THAT WE KNOW AS THE BLACK PEARL ALLOWED SON OF THE BLACK PEARL TO SEE SOME ACTION IN A GAME IN WHICH THE VOLS WERE NOT WINNING BY 43 OR 58 POINTS.
AS IF THAT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH, SON OF THE BLACK PEARL WAS WEARING ERNIE GRUNFELD'S #22 ... A NUMBER WHICH WAS RETIRED AT A PRE-GAME CEREMONY BEFORE THE CONTEST AGAINST KENTUCKY.
THAT'S ONLY ONE OF THE MESSED-UP SCENES FROM THESE BASKETBALL PLAYOFFS.
ORDER WILL BE RESTORED, SOMEWHAT, ONCE KANSAS RIPS OFF THE SASH AND SMASHES THE TIARA OF DAVIDSON, THE PETITE CONTESTANT WITH THE GRAND DREAM OF BEING CROWNED "MISS GEORGE MASON 2008."
SOME OF US GET THE FEELING THAT DAVID PADGETT JUST MIGHT SABOTAGE THE PAGEANT FOR DAVIDSON, WHICH WOULD BE A REAL DOWNER FOR ALL OF THOSE HEADLINE WRITERS WHO ARE JUST ITCHIN' TO USE THE "DAVID(SON) SLAYS GOLIATH" HEADLINE.
BUT, THAT'S WHAT YA GET FOR MESSIN' WITH DAVID PADGETT.
HE CAN DOMINATE GAMES HE DOESN'T EVEN CARE ABOUT ...
Friday, March 28, 2008
Cricketeering & Wicketology
No question about it, there's no better way to blow off something so vague, obtuse and inconsequential as the third round of the NCAA basketball playoffs than to be out in the open on the grass near the lake, playin' cricket for the first time in your life and then measuring up the pitch tossed by the British chap and clouting a drive onto the footpath and learning from that friendly Aussie gal playing wicketkeeper that it isn't necessary to scurry between the wickets because it's 6 RUNS.
A 6-run blast ... that's like being twice as good as Ryan Howard.
6 RUNS ... that's on par with achieving total victory in "Ninja Warrior" during the fourth and final stage at Mount Midoriyama by conquering the 40-foot spider climb and the 33-foot rope climb within the 30-second limit (except that, in this case, there were no anxious Japanese schoolchildren or a tense Japanese wife or excited Japanese groupies to provide support and cheers).
For the uninitiated, 6 RUNS is achieved when the Striker clears "the Boundary" on the fly with a prodigous strike.
It's a powerful feeling, particularly in a novice player's development.
And, it's a feeling that's two clicks higher than the euphoria a Striker feels when he uses his wicket to achieve 4 RUNS -- the result when a striked ball touches the Boundary without clearing it.
Kinda like a gapper up against the fence in RCF which chases home the tying and go-ahead runs.
Speaking of "right up my alley," it's always a good sign when the Indian (or was he Pakistani?) guy replaces the Brit who was the initial bowler and you greet him with another 4 RUN strike which rattles up against the Boundary.
It matters not the pitch -- be it Beam Ball or Full Toss or Mulligrubber or Half Volley or Yorker -- when it's your turn to protect the bales from being knocked from atop the wicket by Beam Balls and Full Tosses and Mulligrubbers and Half Volleys and Yorkers, sometimes, the best defense is a good offense.
Granted ... it might be too early to talk about turning pro, but, when it's your first-ever adventure as Striker and you're puttin' up 14 or 15 runs ... and when your girl ends the friendly competition by gracefully and skillfully barehanding the final Striked ball of the informal event, well ... let's just say that post-cricket "relations" (wink, wink) are a force to be reckoned with.
Kinda reminds ya of what Weller sang about in "The Eton Rifles" when the lyric was, "Thought you were clever when you lit the fuse / Tore down the House of Commons in your brand new shoes / Composed the revolutionary symphony / Then went to bed with a charming young thing ... "
Either that or Pete's message when he sang about, "Working in gardens, thornless roses / Fat men play with their garden hoses / Poolside laughter has a cynical bite / Sausage speared by the cocktail satellite ... "
That's one thing that those college chicks never understood -- the unfiltered "Burning Sky"/"Strange Town"/"Thick As Thieves" hard edge of "SETTING SONS" and the unique, timeless "Lay Your Hands On Me"/"Wallflower"/"Kiss Of Life" precision of "SECURITY."
Sure makes ya feel blessed when ya marry the gal who does -- even though you and the Mrs. remain chagrined that even if "American Idol" ever did pay tribute to the songs of Peter Gabriel, "Lay Your Hands On Me" wouldn't make the songlist ("I'm living way beyond my means/ Living in the zone of the in-betweens / I can see the flashes on the frozen ocean / Static charge of the cold emotion ...").
OK, then ... what about "And Through The Wire"?
That sugar plum who loves the musical contributions of Paul & Pete also loves the fact that Paul n' Pete love cricket farrrr more than the sport in which Dickie V. calls something "a trifecter" (which, by the way, is 50 times easier to achieve than 6 RUNS ... take it from someone who's accomplished both, America).
Ooooopsie daisy ... we've run out of time ... and now America has no other option but to decide whether it wants its college basketball playoff recap/preview from Bobby's moss-coloured-sweater-with-melon-coloured-shirt-collar.
Dude doesn't realize that cricket has a great many more intracasies than merely Team A needs to make their shots, Team B must rebound better, Team X has gotta play solid D, Team Y can't keep turnin' the ball over, Team Z's foul-shooting must improve, yawn, yawn and triple-yawn.
It's like this: There's no point in watching Wussconsucks puttin' up only 20 second-half points during the Davidson/Stephen Curry "Miss George Mason 2008 Pageant."
That kid never cleared the footpath for 6 RUNS.
So what if he's got the quick release. Let's see his late cut, his slash, his lap shot, his glance, his reverse sweep ...
Let Bobby's pink sweater discuss the cover drive between the short mid off and the extra cover as America chows down on some Spicy Baconators and BBQ Bacon Tendercrisps.
As for some of us, we're realizing that the Striker's drive onto the footpath beyond the Boundary ... that is the new trifecter (even if it does count for 6 RUNS instead of 3 points) ...
A 6-run blast ... that's like being twice as good as Ryan Howard.
6 RUNS ... that's on par with achieving total victory in "Ninja Warrior" during the fourth and final stage at Mount Midoriyama by conquering the 40-foot spider climb and the 33-foot rope climb within the 30-second limit (except that, in this case, there were no anxious Japanese schoolchildren or a tense Japanese wife or excited Japanese groupies to provide support and cheers).
For the uninitiated, 6 RUNS is achieved when the Striker clears "the Boundary" on the fly with a prodigous strike.
It's a powerful feeling, particularly in a novice player's development.
And, it's a feeling that's two clicks higher than the euphoria a Striker feels when he uses his wicket to achieve 4 RUNS -- the result when a striked ball touches the Boundary without clearing it.
Kinda like a gapper up against the fence in RCF which chases home the tying and go-ahead runs.
Speaking of "right up my alley," it's always a good sign when the Indian (or was he Pakistani?) guy replaces the Brit who was the initial bowler and you greet him with another 4 RUN strike which rattles up against the Boundary.
It matters not the pitch -- be it Beam Ball or Full Toss or Mulligrubber or Half Volley or Yorker -- when it's your turn to protect the bales from being knocked from atop the wicket by Beam Balls and Full Tosses and Mulligrubbers and Half Volleys and Yorkers, sometimes, the best defense is a good offense.
Granted ... it might be too early to talk about turning pro, but, when it's your first-ever adventure as Striker and you're puttin' up 14 or 15 runs ... and when your girl ends the friendly competition by gracefully and skillfully barehanding the final Striked ball of the informal event, well ... let's just say that post-cricket "relations" (wink, wink) are a force to be reckoned with.
Kinda reminds ya of what Weller sang about in "The Eton Rifles" when the lyric was, "Thought you were clever when you lit the fuse / Tore down the House of Commons in your brand new shoes / Composed the revolutionary symphony / Then went to bed with a charming young thing ... "
Either that or Pete's message when he sang about, "Working in gardens, thornless roses / Fat men play with their garden hoses / Poolside laughter has a cynical bite / Sausage speared by the cocktail satellite ... "
That's one thing that those college chicks never understood -- the unfiltered "Burning Sky"/"Strange Town"/"Thick As Thieves" hard edge of "SETTING SONS" and the unique, timeless "Lay Your Hands On Me"/"Wallflower"/"Kiss Of Life" precision of "SECURITY."
Sure makes ya feel blessed when ya marry the gal who does -- even though you and the Mrs. remain chagrined that even if "American Idol" ever did pay tribute to the songs of Peter Gabriel, "Lay Your Hands On Me" wouldn't make the songlist ("I'm living way beyond my means/ Living in the zone of the in-betweens / I can see the flashes on the frozen ocean / Static charge of the cold emotion ...").
OK, then ... what about "And Through The Wire"?
That sugar plum who loves the musical contributions of Paul & Pete also loves the fact that Paul n' Pete love cricket farrrr more than the sport in which Dickie V. calls something "a trifecter" (which, by the way, is 50 times easier to achieve than 6 RUNS ... take it from someone who's accomplished both, America).
Ooooopsie daisy ... we've run out of time ... and now America has no other option but to decide whether it wants its college basketball playoff recap/preview from Bobby's moss-coloured-sweater-with-melon-coloured-shirt-collar.
Dude doesn't realize that cricket has a great many more intracasies than merely Team A needs to make their shots, Team B must rebound better, Team X has gotta play solid D, Team Y can't keep turnin' the ball over, Team Z's foul-shooting must improve, yawn, yawn and triple-yawn.
It's like this: There's no point in watching Wussconsucks puttin' up only 20 second-half points during the Davidson/Stephen Curry "Miss George Mason 2008 Pageant."
That kid never cleared the footpath for 6 RUNS.
So what if he's got the quick release. Let's see his late cut, his slash, his lap shot, his glance, his reverse sweep ...
Let Bobby's pink sweater discuss the cover drive between the short mid off and the extra cover as America chows down on some Spicy Baconators and BBQ Bacon Tendercrisps.
As for some of us, we're realizing that the Striker's drive onto the footpath beyond the Boundary ... that is the new trifecter (even if it does count for 6 RUNS instead of 3 points) ...
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
BOEHEIM: Ruining NIT Brackets Everywhere
Question: What's better than watchin' Sorrycuse totally gak a 22-point lead?
On its face, that would appear to be a rhetorical question with only one answer: "Nuthin'!"
But, it's far more complex than that, thanks to one of the most-cerebral individuals of the 20th and 21st centuries.
You know who you are, Jim Boeheim.
So, yeah ... the "more fully-developed" answer to that initial question ranges from "Answer: There are few things better than watching Syracuse gak a 22-point lead, particularly when it happens in an NIT game in which the viewing audience is represented by two distinct factions of viewers -- the stridently anti-Boeheim and the degenerates who have $100 ridin' on the outcome."
Funny thing is, it's surprising how many people fit nicely into both categories.
Some of us, though, maintain our anti-Boeheimism while keeping his ballgames at an arm's length while we tend to more-important matters in our lives.
Hence, BoeheimBall becomes nuthin' more than non-threatening background noise, serving merely as a conduit from early evening to that time later in the night when it's 10:30 and TBS' re-run of "The Office" is this classic: The corporate-guys-upstairs vs. the warehouse-guys-downstairs in that loading-dock, b-ball, free-for-all.
True ... we've seen that Office episode 5 or 6 times, but, like rummaging through the collateral damage of a Boeheim defeat, this never gets old.
Seriously ... how can they make us side against the pudgy, balding Kevin Malone wearing his sportcoat, dress shirt, necktie and slacks as he drains those J's in the loading dock at Dunder-Mifflin with greater aplomb and grace than most Sorrycuse shooters inside the Carrier Dome ever since streaky Gerry McNamara graduated, errrrr ... "used up his eligibility" (or since DevenDORK's injury relegated him to spastic cheerleader w/ the freaky-lookin', pencil-thin beard and plaid shirts on the 'Cuse bench)?
Sometimes, though, America gets to have its cake and eat it, too -- and that's because we laughed at that Office b-ball episode AFTER we'd already laughed our asses off watching another edition of a Boeheim team melting down.
We call this occurence "win-win" (especially when we play "Compare & Contrast" and conclude that Stanley's extremely unorthodox technique for dribbling a ball was certainly no worse than Jonny Flynn attempting to ballhandle during Sorrycuse's final possession).
Indeed, it was only an NIT game, but any time that Boeheim gets bitched at home, yeah ... America triumphs.
The only downside is that anyone who spends more than 5.3 minutes watching a Boeheim-coached team, he/she feels as uncomfortable as he/she did the first time that he/she saw the Sheraton commercial wherein Orange Fan reached over and dabbed at that ranch (or bleu cheese) dressing blob on that Hoya Fan's moustache.
Ex-lovers who were once domestic partners ... yes, Sheraton hotels and Sorrycuse b-ball are filled with ambivalence and ambiguity (sorry ... we discussed Georgeclown's problems yesterday).
Sorrycuse put on a show tonight, though, in attempting to avenge that 107-100 loss to the UMess Midgetmen in Nov.
It was quite the appetizer for the other NIT ballgame (we didn't bother with that one at all), which featured Rihards Kuksiks of Riga, Latvia and his Arizona State teammates trying to work through their grief and despair at being snubbed for the NCAA playoffs despite that impressive 7-11 record during the second half of the season (which included the two times that the Stunned Devils were violated by UCLA, 84-51 and 70-49).
Frickin' awesome ...
How ASU did NOT receive a No. 2 or No. 3 seed in the NCAA playoffs borders on criminally-negligent (blank: "something").
Naturally, ASU was pummeled by the Florida Gators in Tempe, so, it seems obvious that Rihards Kuksiks wasn't feeling up to the task tonight.
(Shhhhh ... he might've been pissed that he was missing "The Office" ...)
Tough night for Jimmy B., though: His Orange threw down six dunks, flyswatted 11 UMess shots and probably flubbed 507 putbacks and tip-ins.
Still, The 'Cuse led by 22 (54-32) with 14:39 to play and by 14 (70-56) with 7:45 remaining against an opponent which spent the first half missing 28 of its 36 shots, including 13 of its 15 three-balls.
In Boeheim's case, a lesser coach would analyze how the Midgetmen morphed into a Transformers killing machine in the second half and that lesser coach would probably pop four or five Metronidazole tablets and five or six Cephalexin capsules ... until that lesser coach realized three or four hours later that the meds he took were actually pills intended for dogs.
Again ... that's how the lesser coach would've handled matters.
He's Jim Boeheim ... and he's wolfing down either a Burger King BBQ Bacon Tendercrisp or a Wendy's Spicy Baconator right now as he listens to all of old Everly Brothers and Patsy Cline albums.
Here in the initial aftermath, it's difficult to say if it was Dante Milligan "willing" his team to victory ... or if the 'Cuse's Triple-O package (the Orange's Onuaku & Ongenaet) was simply not enough to offset the aformentioned Midgetmen metamorphosis into a Transformers killing machine.
What we in the La-Z-Boy Sanctuary know is that it's a big, sloppy "L" for Boeheim ... which means that America wins.
Still, ya gotta wonder how many times during timeouts in the second half that UMess head coach Travis Ford reminded his team of the Valentine's Day Massacre from Feb. 14, 1994 when he and his Kentucky teammates were losing, 68-37, at LSU with 15 1/2 minutes to play -- only UK came back to win, 99-95.
And, then Travis Ford had to call another timeout to inform his UMess Midgetmen that, in that game 14 years ago, UK rallied from that 31-point deficit despite sinking only 10 of 21 free throws -- but, alas, Ford (10 points), Walter McCarty (23 points, 4-7 on 3-balls) and Jeff Brassow (14 points, 4-6 on 3-balls) prevailed against the Tigers' formidable 1-2 punch of Ronnie Henderson (36 points, 8-13 on 3-balls) and Clarence Ceasar (32 points, 10 rebounds, 4-7 on 3-balls).
What we DON'T know is if during any of UMess' timeouts, Dante Milligan interrupted Coach Ford by asking, "Coach, what's a Jeff Brassow, anyway? And who the flock is Clarence Ceasar?"
Ronnie Henderson ... that kid could play.
Those 118 knee surgeries didn't help his career, though.
Boeheim has his own problems.
In fact, by this time tomorrow, Bernie Fine might very well be sittin' in a pancake house in Belgium, attempting to "recruit" the next Kris Ongenaet by slipping some extra Deutschmarks into the recruit's third helping of Belgian waffles.
Or maybe Bernie will be traveling to a far-off land known as "Lanham, Maryland" so that he can pluck one of the local natives, such as Arinze Okauku, for Program Orange.
Sometimes, though, all Jimmy B.'s gonna get for his trouble is a fingertip of ranch (or bleu cheese) dressing when he caresses the upper lip of "a friend."
Don't lick Jim's finger, Bernie.
You don't know where that moustache has been ...
On its face, that would appear to be a rhetorical question with only one answer: "Nuthin'!"
But, it's far more complex than that, thanks to one of the most-cerebral individuals of the 20th and 21st centuries.
You know who you are, Jim Boeheim.
So, yeah ... the "more fully-developed" answer to that initial question ranges from "Answer: There are few things better than watching Syracuse gak a 22-point lead, particularly when it happens in an NIT game in which the viewing audience is represented by two distinct factions of viewers -- the stridently anti-Boeheim and the degenerates who have $100 ridin' on the outcome."
Funny thing is, it's surprising how many people fit nicely into both categories.
Some of us, though, maintain our anti-Boeheimism while keeping his ballgames at an arm's length while we tend to more-important matters in our lives.
Hence, BoeheimBall becomes nuthin' more than non-threatening background noise, serving merely as a conduit from early evening to that time later in the night when it's 10:30 and TBS' re-run of "The Office" is this classic: The corporate-guys-upstairs vs. the warehouse-guys-downstairs in that loading-dock, b-ball, free-for-all.
True ... we've seen that Office episode 5 or 6 times, but, like rummaging through the collateral damage of a Boeheim defeat, this never gets old.
Seriously ... how can they make us side against the pudgy, balding Kevin Malone wearing his sportcoat, dress shirt, necktie and slacks as he drains those J's in the loading dock at Dunder-Mifflin with greater aplomb and grace than most Sorrycuse shooters inside the Carrier Dome ever since streaky Gerry McNamara graduated, errrrr ... "used up his eligibility" (or since DevenDORK's injury relegated him to spastic cheerleader w/ the freaky-lookin', pencil-thin beard and plaid shirts on the 'Cuse bench)?
Sometimes, though, America gets to have its cake and eat it, too -- and that's because we laughed at that Office b-ball episode AFTER we'd already laughed our asses off watching another edition of a Boeheim team melting down.
We call this occurence "win-win" (especially when we play "Compare & Contrast" and conclude that Stanley's extremely unorthodox technique for dribbling a ball was certainly no worse than Jonny Flynn attempting to ballhandle during Sorrycuse's final possession).
Indeed, it was only an NIT game, but any time that Boeheim gets bitched at home, yeah ... America triumphs.
The only downside is that anyone who spends more than 5.3 minutes watching a Boeheim-coached team, he/she feels as uncomfortable as he/she did the first time that he/she saw the Sheraton commercial wherein Orange Fan reached over and dabbed at that ranch (or bleu cheese) dressing blob on that Hoya Fan's moustache.
Ex-lovers who were once domestic partners ... yes, Sheraton hotels and Sorrycuse b-ball are filled with ambivalence and ambiguity (sorry ... we discussed Georgeclown's problems yesterday).
Sorrycuse put on a show tonight, though, in attempting to avenge that 107-100 loss to the UMess Midgetmen in Nov.
It was quite the appetizer for the other NIT ballgame (we didn't bother with that one at all), which featured Rihards Kuksiks of Riga, Latvia and his Arizona State teammates trying to work through their grief and despair at being snubbed for the NCAA playoffs despite that impressive 7-11 record during the second half of the season (which included the two times that the Stunned Devils were violated by UCLA, 84-51 and 70-49).
Frickin' awesome ...
How ASU did NOT receive a No. 2 or No. 3 seed in the NCAA playoffs borders on criminally-negligent (blank: "something").
Naturally, ASU was pummeled by the Florida Gators in Tempe, so, it seems obvious that Rihards Kuksiks wasn't feeling up to the task tonight.
(Shhhhh ... he might've been pissed that he was missing "The Office" ...)
Tough night for Jimmy B., though: His Orange threw down six dunks, flyswatted 11 UMess shots and probably flubbed 507 putbacks and tip-ins.
Still, The 'Cuse led by 22 (54-32) with 14:39 to play and by 14 (70-56) with 7:45 remaining against an opponent which spent the first half missing 28 of its 36 shots, including 13 of its 15 three-balls.
In Boeheim's case, a lesser coach would analyze how the Midgetmen morphed into a Transformers killing machine in the second half and that lesser coach would probably pop four or five Metronidazole tablets and five or six Cephalexin capsules ... until that lesser coach realized three or four hours later that the meds he took were actually pills intended for dogs.
Again ... that's how the lesser coach would've handled matters.
He's Jim Boeheim ... and he's wolfing down either a Burger King BBQ Bacon Tendercrisp or a Wendy's Spicy Baconator right now as he listens to all of old Everly Brothers and Patsy Cline albums.
Here in the initial aftermath, it's difficult to say if it was Dante Milligan "willing" his team to victory ... or if the 'Cuse's Triple-O package (the Orange's Onuaku & Ongenaet) was simply not enough to offset the aformentioned Midgetmen metamorphosis into a Transformers killing machine.
What we in the La-Z-Boy Sanctuary know is that it's a big, sloppy "L" for Boeheim ... which means that America wins.
Still, ya gotta wonder how many times during timeouts in the second half that UMess head coach Travis Ford reminded his team of the Valentine's Day Massacre from Feb. 14, 1994 when he and his Kentucky teammates were losing, 68-37, at LSU with 15 1/2 minutes to play -- only UK came back to win, 99-95.
And, then Travis Ford had to call another timeout to inform his UMess Midgetmen that, in that game 14 years ago, UK rallied from that 31-point deficit despite sinking only 10 of 21 free throws -- but, alas, Ford (10 points), Walter McCarty (23 points, 4-7 on 3-balls) and Jeff Brassow (14 points, 4-6 on 3-balls) prevailed against the Tigers' formidable 1-2 punch of Ronnie Henderson (36 points, 8-13 on 3-balls) and Clarence Ceasar (32 points, 10 rebounds, 4-7 on 3-balls).
What we DON'T know is if during any of UMess' timeouts, Dante Milligan interrupted Coach Ford by asking, "Coach, what's a Jeff Brassow, anyway? And who the flock is Clarence Ceasar?"
Ronnie Henderson ... that kid could play.
Those 118 knee surgeries didn't help his career, though.
Boeheim has his own problems.
In fact, by this time tomorrow, Bernie Fine might very well be sittin' in a pancake house in Belgium, attempting to "recruit" the next Kris Ongenaet by slipping some extra Deutschmarks into the recruit's third helping of Belgian waffles.
Or maybe Bernie will be traveling to a far-off land known as "Lanham, Maryland" so that he can pluck one of the local natives, such as Arinze Okauku, for Program Orange.
Sometimes, though, all Jimmy B.'s gonna get for his trouble is a fingertip of ranch (or bleu cheese) dressing when he caresses the upper lip of "a friend."
Don't lick Jim's finger, Bernie.
You don't know where that moustache has been ...
Monday, March 24, 2008
Tuco's Warning: "When You Have To Shoot ... Shoot"
That was one helluva ballgame -- only we don't know how it ended.
Which is OK -- 'cuz we're told that life isn't about the destination, it's about the journey -- even if that odyssey involves the Mid-Atlantic Sports Network broadcasting (as Sun. transitioned to Mon.) a Big East Tournament game from sometime in '91 or '92.
In summary, all we remember is that Alonzo Mourning ended regulation with 29 points, 14 rebounds and 7 blocked shots -- and Boston College had a kid who was as dark as coffee named "Kevin HROBOWSKI."
Funny ... he didn't look Polish.
(Apparently, Kevin Hrobowski was a decent player as a prep in the Detroit Metro area almost 20 years ago ... but, he still didn't look Polish -- which is probably the same as saying that Shaquille O'Neal and Ed O'Bannon never looked very Irish ... Bottom line: The only thing more bizarre than a super-dark kid named Kevin Hrobowski would've been if he was just as dark and his name had been Mustafa Abdul-Horowitz ...)
Anyway, it's more enlightening to discuss Georgeclown b-ball from the previous century -- such as when Kevin Hrobowski threw down that one-hand, slam tip-in -- than to evaluate what happened to the Hoya-Saxons in Raleigh yesterday.
First of all, none of us smokers in the La-Z-Boy Corridor can remember the last time we fired up a Raleigh Filter King for our smoking pleasure.
We're not even sure where (or if) we can can still buy 'em.
Secondly, Davidson College was unconstitutionally granted the privilege, as a No. 10 seed, of playing at a site which was a 2-hour busride from home.
That was a failing of "the committee."
And there should be sanctions.
As per failings which pertained to Georgeclown, true ... 20 turnovers were damaging.
And, going 8 of 17 from the line was quite detrimental.
But, when ya shoot 63 percent to your opponent's 38 percent, it shouldn't add up to a 74-70 loss.
Well, actually ... maybe it can (and does) ... when your coach is John Thompson, that fabulous G-Clown coach from the '80s and '90s who runs a puppet dictatorship through his puppet-son, JT3.
Another bad omen: When Sports Illustrated puts one of your extremely ordinary players (DeJuan Summers) on the cover of the annual S.I. March Madness issue (which, in the past few years, has featured a montage of ballplayers from the 65 tourney schools without so prominently featuring a pose of the player who is probably the fourth most-important player on a team which only had "darkhorse" chances at best of getting Cindy Relish horizontal).
For those of us in the La-Z-Boy Corridor who departed our La-Z-Boy long enough to honor Christ and the Resurrection yesterday, we didn't bother with much more than 3.7 minutes of the Georgeclown fiasco.
One day later, though ... there's so much pain and anguish in "the District."
On top of that ... there's despair.
And, as much as America loves those warm-n'-fuzzy tales of heroism and courage from NCAA playoffs ("this is what it's ALL about ... NoName Joe, shooting 1 of 8 from the floor, tossin' a 27-footer outta his ass at the buzzer! now, that's bravery, America!"), it wouldn't be such a bad thing for America if those limp dicks at the ESPN b-ball roundtable became a little more pro-active in playin' the blame game.
True ... we all know that the Disneyland Sports Network lost creative control of the project once Bob Knight was allowed to come onto the set to smooch the night away with Dickie V. and Digger -- rather than the obvious choice of pairing the smartest, most-professional guy at that network (Dr. Jerry Punch) with the foxiest (Adriana Monsalves of ESPN Deported).
(Note: The B.S. which flies around and the non-stop, Knight ass-kissing has America wondering how long it'll be before Lee Corso walks onto the set and says, "I used to coach at Indiana with Bob Knight and lemme tell ya something ...")
Hey ... it's the kids who are gettin' ripped off when America is denied a Dr. Jerry Punch/Adriana Monsalves pairing.
Ennn-neee-wayyyy ... as America spends this Monday getting all whimsical about molding Dell Curry's kid into the next American idol, those of us who realize that college basketball was invented before the mid-'80s (when the NCAA playoff field expanded to 64 teams and when the 3-point stripe was added) are never going to rank Curry's exploits above the accomplishments of Davidson's Mike Maloy in the 1969 NCAA playoffs.
Maloy blistered Villanova for 31 points and 17 rebounds and followed that up with 35 points (13-13 FT) and 12 rebounds against St. John's.
The following year, Mike Maloy and Davidson (coached by Terry Holland after Lefty Drizzle left to take the Maryland job) were bounced in the first round of the NCAA playoffs by a little powerhouse from Olean, NY -- St. Bonaventure, led by the mighty (and incomparable) Bob Lanier of Bennett High in Buffalo (28 points, 15 rebounds).
Hence, when somebody at the workplace water cooler starts hittin' us with Curry being the quickest trigger east of the Mississippi, we yawn ... and then we shrug ... and then we ask, "Does that look like Austin Carr to you? Get back to me when he's goin' off like Austin Carr, okee-doke?" [Austin Carr in the '70 NCAA playoffs: 61 points (on 25 of 44 shooting) in a 112-82 win over Ohio; 52 points (on 22 of 35 shooting) in a 109-99 loss to Kentucky (a game in which Dan Issel racked up 44 on 17 of 28 shooting].
(Sidebar: To refute the assertion that "they didn't play defense back then," we're cool. The modern-day counter-argument is "players today have three offensive moves: cross-over dribble off one's own knee in traffic; 3-ball from 22 feet which travels either 20 feet or 25 feet; the off-balance, 13-footer ...")
Curry's got some skillz ... he has some ups ... some quicks ... however, he didn't blow the roof off of the gymnasium with some extraterrestrial Austin Carr-like shooting exhibition. He was barely hovering around the 50 percent range, so it's not as though he was lights out.
Kids ... he's a bit of a gunner.
Which is OK, given the proper context. Better to have Kid Curry shootin' the 3-ball than Option B.
Yet, the only reason that Davidson is the newest sweetheart making a push to be crowned "Miss George Mason 2008" ... is because John Thompson hasn't performed adequately as the Hoyas' coach-in-absentia (through his JT3 puppet).
This isn't THAT much of a surprise, given that Thompson assembled that '88 Olympic team with all those shooting guards (how ya doin', Hersey Hawkins, Bimbo Coles and Jeff Grayer?) while forgetting about maybe including a point guard.
Think about it ... when JT3 needs to scrounge up some strategy or b-ball know-how, he's not reading from text furnished by Dean Smith or Nolan Richardson.
When Sonny needs an opinion, he gets one from Daddy.
Which means that Daddy is STILL runnin' the show -- even if he no longer engages in the recruiting process or menial administrative endeavors.
It's STILL his program.
Which is precisely why the focus of "What Went Wrong With G-Clown?" centered on some ticky-tack fouls which were whistled against Roy Hibbert.
Papa didn't pound into Sonny's head that since most referees never played a post-up position in their lives, they don't know how to ref the give n' take of jostling for position in the low post.
And, since Roy Hibbert has extremely fewer offensive moves than, say, 'Zo or Patrick or Dikembe or Othella Harrington, well ... that's why he took only 3 shots (and, oddly enough, made all 3).
Nobody -- 'cept Dr. Jerry Punch and Adriana Monsalves -- noticed that it was G-Clown's offense, not its defense (of Curry) which led to its ultimate demise.
The thing is, G-Clown had won when the offense wasn't funneled through Hibbert -- as was demonstrated in the Big East tourney first-rounder against Villanova when the Hoyas knocked down 17 of 28 three-balls as Hibbert fouled out while going 0 of 2 from the floor.
Since those Disneyland Channel schlubs are looking for faux-courage and pseudo-bravery -- and because JT3 can never be criticized because he's JT3 and he's courageous and brave), the reason for Georgeclown's defeat might get lost in the shuffle.
The Hoyas took only 41 shots.
Forty-one.
They sank 26 baskets.
Thus ends the "what-went-wrong?" analysis ...
Heck, only two nights earlier, Oregano attempted 38 three-pointers (29 of 'em didn't go in) while losing to Miss. State and Clumsy shot 33 trifecters (24 of 'em were bricks) while blowing that huge lead vs. Villanova.
Unlike those two teams, G-Clown WAS hitting its shots (when the Hoyas weren't overpassing and overdribbling and, subsequently, committing turnovers).
For those who watched, the pro-Hoya contingent HAD to be hoping that there'd be a re-enactment of that scene in "The Good, The Bad & The Ugly" when that one-armed outlaw who Tuco had shot up earlier busted in and interrupted Tuco enjoying a bubble bath.
The scruffy guy with one arm bored us all with how he learned to shoot with his opposite hand ever since Tuco had wounded him and caused his shooting arm to be amputated, blah blah blah ...
Tuco was not impressed.
Which is why his pistol blasted away from under the bubbles, delivering the fatal shots -- to which Tuco arose from the tub and, with the soapy suds still clinging to his naked body, informed the slain stranger, "When you have to shoot ... shoot. Don't talk."
That Tuco ... what a rascal.
Then again, when it came to shooting advice, the partner-in-crime (the quiet, cigar-chomping stranger) of one Tuco Benedeto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez (known as "The Rat") probably had the most-apt line:
"Hmmmmmm ... if we cut down my percentage, it's liable to interfere with my aim."
Fact: Even though that wisdom is 45 years old, it still rings true today.
And, when JT3 examines the raw data (with Dad), the numbers will be frightening.
During a 3:52 span of the first half (from the 6:56 mark of the first half 'til 3:04 remained until intermission), Georgeclown sank all six of its shots -- two baskets by Vernon Macklin, two by Chris Wright (playing for Hibbert) and 3-balls from Jessie Sapp and Austin Freeman.
Then, in the first 2:04 following intermission, G-Clown made all three of its shots -- including trifecters from Jonathan Wallace and Summers for a 46-29 lead.
That's when JT3 got all conservative (on orders from Dad) ... or flashed back to the Princeton method of 54 passes before each shot.
It can be argued that it is difficult to play with a 17-point lead, although such arguments are usually made by teams which know only how to turn a 17-point lead into a 4-point advantage rather than turning a 17-point lead into a 28-point rout.
And, it can be argued that G-Clown's offense suffered appreciably w/o the now-in-the-NBA skillz of Jeff Green, a player whose versatility was invaluable.
Then again, in the season-ending loss in the Final Four to Ohio State last year, JT3's inability to "make adjustments" sealed his fate -- and, in that case, it was The Coach Who We're Not 'Sposed To Say Bad Things About and his inability to maximize the scoring of his top scorer.
Remember that? Against Ohio State, Green didn't attempt his first shot until 3:10 remained in the first half and he didn't attempt a shot in the second half until 6:10 remained -- meaning that the Green attempted only three shots in the game's first 28:50.
That was partly due to Green being too passive and not getting into "the flow" -- but, it was also JT3's typical approach of "Getting the ball in the hands of my top scorers? No .. 'cuz they'd be expecting that."
So, from 17:56 (when Summers sank that 3) 'til there was 8:28 remaining in the game, G-Clown attempted only six shots.
That's 9:28 of dysfunction ...
9:28 of "workin' some clock" ...
9:28 of falling to get angry and failing to keep attacking ...
9:28 of allowing Davidson to climb back into the game so that the Wildcats could keep alive the dream of winning the swimsuit competition and one day wear the "Miss George Mason 2008" sash ...
9:28 of time to think about the '82 championship game when JT3's daddy ordered Ewing to block/goaltend all of UNC's shots early in the game ... to intimidate the Tar Heels (who didn't look all that scared when Worthy and Perkins were flyin' to the basket later for windmill dunks) ...
Basically, JT3 violated one of the most-sacred tenets of the blacktop -- keep feeding the hot hand.
He gave us the prevent defense of b-ball.
We've come to learn that when a team turns the ball over 20 times, it's very likely that most of those miscues will lead directly to points, via baskets in transition or fouls as a team scrambles to retreat on D.
There is no correlation between missed 3-balls and points for the other team, provided that the team missing the 3's isn't being completely absurd and arbitrary.
Instead of tossin' the ball to the other team, G-Clown should've spent that time chuckin' the ball at the rim (except for Ewing's kid and Doc Rivers' kid ... that would not've been pretty).
What's the worst that could've happened?
What happened to "Ya can't score if ya don't shoot?"
Instead, America is singing "The Ballad of Stephen Curry."
Because he had the courage to shoot the ball.
41 shots ... 10 of 18 on 3-balls ... the Hoyas stopped themselves.
It doesn't take a Dr. Jerry Punch or an Adriana Monsalves to see that even if G-Clown had attempted 16 threes in the final 3:00 and sank only 4 -- even without getting a single offensive rebound for a second shot, that's 12 more points and an overall game percentage from 3-land of an acceptable 41 percent (14 of 34).
Even Digger knows that this is not fuzzy math.
To be sure, it was not "a special defense" devised by America's newest supergenius, Bob McKillop (whoever he is ... that is, besides a guy who has a roster filled with a couple of Quebeckites, one of the the two dudes named "Boris" in these playoffs and -- oh, how adorable -- his own son, one of those marginally-talented son-of-the-head-coach kids who is allowed to wander into game action when Davidson is moppin' the floor with The Citadel or the Furman Palladins).
41 shots, Americans.
You'll take more shots than that tonight in your rec-league game at the Y ...
Which is OK -- 'cuz we're told that life isn't about the destination, it's about the journey -- even if that odyssey involves the Mid-Atlantic Sports Network broadcasting (as Sun. transitioned to Mon.) a Big East Tournament game from sometime in '91 or '92.
In summary, all we remember is that Alonzo Mourning ended regulation with 29 points, 14 rebounds and 7 blocked shots -- and Boston College had a kid who was as dark as coffee named "Kevin HROBOWSKI."
Funny ... he didn't look Polish.
(Apparently, Kevin Hrobowski was a decent player as a prep in the Detroit Metro area almost 20 years ago ... but, he still didn't look Polish -- which is probably the same as saying that Shaquille O'Neal and Ed O'Bannon never looked very Irish ... Bottom line: The only thing more bizarre than a super-dark kid named Kevin Hrobowski would've been if he was just as dark and his name had been Mustafa Abdul-Horowitz ...)
Anyway, it's more enlightening to discuss Georgeclown b-ball from the previous century -- such as when Kevin Hrobowski threw down that one-hand, slam tip-in -- than to evaluate what happened to the Hoya-Saxons in Raleigh yesterday.
First of all, none of us smokers in the La-Z-Boy Corridor can remember the last time we fired up a Raleigh Filter King for our smoking pleasure.
We're not even sure where (or if) we can can still buy 'em.
Secondly, Davidson College was unconstitutionally granted the privilege, as a No. 10 seed, of playing at a site which was a 2-hour busride from home.
That was a failing of "the committee."
And there should be sanctions.
As per failings which pertained to Georgeclown, true ... 20 turnovers were damaging.
And, going 8 of 17 from the line was quite detrimental.
But, when ya shoot 63 percent to your opponent's 38 percent, it shouldn't add up to a 74-70 loss.
Well, actually ... maybe it can (and does) ... when your coach is John Thompson, that fabulous G-Clown coach from the '80s and '90s who runs a puppet dictatorship through his puppet-son, JT3.
Another bad omen: When Sports Illustrated puts one of your extremely ordinary players (DeJuan Summers) on the cover of the annual S.I. March Madness issue (which, in the past few years, has featured a montage of ballplayers from the 65 tourney schools without so prominently featuring a pose of the player who is probably the fourth most-important player on a team which only had "darkhorse" chances at best of getting Cindy Relish horizontal).
For those of us in the La-Z-Boy Corridor who departed our La-Z-Boy long enough to honor Christ and the Resurrection yesterday, we didn't bother with much more than 3.7 minutes of the Georgeclown fiasco.
One day later, though ... there's so much pain and anguish in "the District."
On top of that ... there's despair.
And, as much as America loves those warm-n'-fuzzy tales of heroism and courage from NCAA playoffs ("this is what it's ALL about ... NoName Joe, shooting 1 of 8 from the floor, tossin' a 27-footer outta his ass at the buzzer! now, that's bravery, America!"), it wouldn't be such a bad thing for America if those limp dicks at the ESPN b-ball roundtable became a little more pro-active in playin' the blame game.
True ... we all know that the Disneyland Sports Network lost creative control of the project once Bob Knight was allowed to come onto the set to smooch the night away with Dickie V. and Digger -- rather than the obvious choice of pairing the smartest, most-professional guy at that network (Dr. Jerry Punch) with the foxiest (Adriana Monsalves of ESPN Deported).
(Note: The B.S. which flies around and the non-stop, Knight ass-kissing has America wondering how long it'll be before Lee Corso walks onto the set and says, "I used to coach at Indiana with Bob Knight and lemme tell ya something ...")
Hey ... it's the kids who are gettin' ripped off when America is denied a Dr. Jerry Punch/Adriana Monsalves pairing.
Ennn-neee-wayyyy ... as America spends this Monday getting all whimsical about molding Dell Curry's kid into the next American idol, those of us who realize that college basketball was invented before the mid-'80s (when the NCAA playoff field expanded to 64 teams and when the 3-point stripe was added) are never going to rank Curry's exploits above the accomplishments of Davidson's Mike Maloy in the 1969 NCAA playoffs.
Maloy blistered Villanova for 31 points and 17 rebounds and followed that up with 35 points (13-13 FT) and 12 rebounds against St. John's.
The following year, Mike Maloy and Davidson (coached by Terry Holland after Lefty Drizzle left to take the Maryland job) were bounced in the first round of the NCAA playoffs by a little powerhouse from Olean, NY -- St. Bonaventure, led by the mighty (and incomparable) Bob Lanier of Bennett High in Buffalo (28 points, 15 rebounds).
Hence, when somebody at the workplace water cooler starts hittin' us with Curry being the quickest trigger east of the Mississippi, we yawn ... and then we shrug ... and then we ask, "Does that look like Austin Carr to you? Get back to me when he's goin' off like Austin Carr, okee-doke?" [Austin Carr in the '70 NCAA playoffs: 61 points (on 25 of 44 shooting) in a 112-82 win over Ohio; 52 points (on 22 of 35 shooting) in a 109-99 loss to Kentucky (a game in which Dan Issel racked up 44 on 17 of 28 shooting].
(Sidebar: To refute the assertion that "they didn't play defense back then," we're cool. The modern-day counter-argument is "players today have three offensive moves: cross-over dribble off one's own knee in traffic; 3-ball from 22 feet which travels either 20 feet or 25 feet; the off-balance, 13-footer ...")
Curry's got some skillz ... he has some ups ... some quicks ... however, he didn't blow the roof off of the gymnasium with some extraterrestrial Austin Carr-like shooting exhibition. He was barely hovering around the 50 percent range, so it's not as though he was lights out.
Kids ... he's a bit of a gunner.
Which is OK, given the proper context. Better to have Kid Curry shootin' the 3-ball than Option B.
Yet, the only reason that Davidson is the newest sweetheart making a push to be crowned "Miss George Mason 2008" ... is because John Thompson hasn't performed adequately as the Hoyas' coach-in-absentia (through his JT3 puppet).
This isn't THAT much of a surprise, given that Thompson assembled that '88 Olympic team with all those shooting guards (how ya doin', Hersey Hawkins, Bimbo Coles and Jeff Grayer?) while forgetting about maybe including a point guard.
Think about it ... when JT3 needs to scrounge up some strategy or b-ball know-how, he's not reading from text furnished by Dean Smith or Nolan Richardson.
When Sonny needs an opinion, he gets one from Daddy.
Which means that Daddy is STILL runnin' the show -- even if he no longer engages in the recruiting process or menial administrative endeavors.
It's STILL his program.
Which is precisely why the focus of "What Went Wrong With G-Clown?" centered on some ticky-tack fouls which were whistled against Roy Hibbert.
Papa didn't pound into Sonny's head that since most referees never played a post-up position in their lives, they don't know how to ref the give n' take of jostling for position in the low post.
And, since Roy Hibbert has extremely fewer offensive moves than, say, 'Zo or Patrick or Dikembe or Othella Harrington, well ... that's why he took only 3 shots (and, oddly enough, made all 3).
Nobody -- 'cept Dr. Jerry Punch and Adriana Monsalves -- noticed that it was G-Clown's offense, not its defense (of Curry) which led to its ultimate demise.
The thing is, G-Clown had won when the offense wasn't funneled through Hibbert -- as was demonstrated in the Big East tourney first-rounder against Villanova when the Hoyas knocked down 17 of 28 three-balls as Hibbert fouled out while going 0 of 2 from the floor.
Since those Disneyland Channel schlubs are looking for faux-courage and pseudo-bravery -- and because JT3 can never be criticized because he's JT3 and he's courageous and brave), the reason for Georgeclown's defeat might get lost in the shuffle.
The Hoyas took only 41 shots.
Forty-one.
They sank 26 baskets.
Thus ends the "what-went-wrong?" analysis ...
Heck, only two nights earlier, Oregano attempted 38 three-pointers (29 of 'em didn't go in) while losing to Miss. State and Clumsy shot 33 trifecters (24 of 'em were bricks) while blowing that huge lead vs. Villanova.
Unlike those two teams, G-Clown WAS hitting its shots (when the Hoyas weren't overpassing and overdribbling and, subsequently, committing turnovers).
For those who watched, the pro-Hoya contingent HAD to be hoping that there'd be a re-enactment of that scene in "The Good, The Bad & The Ugly" when that one-armed outlaw who Tuco had shot up earlier busted in and interrupted Tuco enjoying a bubble bath.
The scruffy guy with one arm bored us all with how he learned to shoot with his opposite hand ever since Tuco had wounded him and caused his shooting arm to be amputated, blah blah blah ...
Tuco was not impressed.
Which is why his pistol blasted away from under the bubbles, delivering the fatal shots -- to which Tuco arose from the tub and, with the soapy suds still clinging to his naked body, informed the slain stranger, "When you have to shoot ... shoot. Don't talk."
That Tuco ... what a rascal.
Then again, when it came to shooting advice, the partner-in-crime (the quiet, cigar-chomping stranger) of one Tuco Benedeto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez (known as "The Rat") probably had the most-apt line:
"Hmmmmmm ... if we cut down my percentage, it's liable to interfere with my aim."
Fact: Even though that wisdom is 45 years old, it still rings true today.
And, when JT3 examines the raw data (with Dad), the numbers will be frightening.
During a 3:52 span of the first half (from the 6:56 mark of the first half 'til 3:04 remained until intermission), Georgeclown sank all six of its shots -- two baskets by Vernon Macklin, two by Chris Wright (playing for Hibbert) and 3-balls from Jessie Sapp and Austin Freeman.
Then, in the first 2:04 following intermission, G-Clown made all three of its shots -- including trifecters from Jonathan Wallace and Summers for a 46-29 lead.
That's when JT3 got all conservative (on orders from Dad) ... or flashed back to the Princeton method of 54 passes before each shot.
It can be argued that it is difficult to play with a 17-point lead, although such arguments are usually made by teams which know only how to turn a 17-point lead into a 4-point advantage rather than turning a 17-point lead into a 28-point rout.
And, it can be argued that G-Clown's offense suffered appreciably w/o the now-in-the-NBA skillz of Jeff Green, a player whose versatility was invaluable.
Then again, in the season-ending loss in the Final Four to Ohio State last year, JT3's inability to "make adjustments" sealed his fate -- and, in that case, it was The Coach Who We're Not 'Sposed To Say Bad Things About and his inability to maximize the scoring of his top scorer.
Remember that? Against Ohio State, Green didn't attempt his first shot until 3:10 remained in the first half and he didn't attempt a shot in the second half until 6:10 remained -- meaning that the Green attempted only three shots in the game's first 28:50.
That was partly due to Green being too passive and not getting into "the flow" -- but, it was also JT3's typical approach of "Getting the ball in the hands of my top scorers? No .. 'cuz they'd be expecting that."
So, from 17:56 (when Summers sank that 3) 'til there was 8:28 remaining in the game, G-Clown attempted only six shots.
That's 9:28 of dysfunction ...
9:28 of "workin' some clock" ...
9:28 of falling to get angry and failing to keep attacking ...
9:28 of allowing Davidson to climb back into the game so that the Wildcats could keep alive the dream of winning the swimsuit competition and one day wear the "Miss George Mason 2008" sash ...
9:28 of time to think about the '82 championship game when JT3's daddy ordered Ewing to block/goaltend all of UNC's shots early in the game ... to intimidate the Tar Heels (who didn't look all that scared when Worthy and Perkins were flyin' to the basket later for windmill dunks) ...
Basically, JT3 violated one of the most-sacred tenets of the blacktop -- keep feeding the hot hand.
He gave us the prevent defense of b-ball.
We've come to learn that when a team turns the ball over 20 times, it's very likely that most of those miscues will lead directly to points, via baskets in transition or fouls as a team scrambles to retreat on D.
There is no correlation between missed 3-balls and points for the other team, provided that the team missing the 3's isn't being completely absurd and arbitrary.
Instead of tossin' the ball to the other team, G-Clown should've spent that time chuckin' the ball at the rim (except for Ewing's kid and Doc Rivers' kid ... that would not've been pretty).
What's the worst that could've happened?
What happened to "Ya can't score if ya don't shoot?"
Instead, America is singing "The Ballad of Stephen Curry."
Because he had the courage to shoot the ball.
41 shots ... 10 of 18 on 3-balls ... the Hoyas stopped themselves.
It doesn't take a Dr. Jerry Punch or an Adriana Monsalves to see that even if G-Clown had attempted 16 threes in the final 3:00 and sank only 4 -- even without getting a single offensive rebound for a second shot, that's 12 more points and an overall game percentage from 3-land of an acceptable 41 percent (14 of 34).
Even Digger knows that this is not fuzzy math.
To be sure, it was not "a special defense" devised by America's newest supergenius, Bob McKillop (whoever he is ... that is, besides a guy who has a roster filled with a couple of Quebeckites, one of the the two dudes named "Boris" in these playoffs and -- oh, how adorable -- his own son, one of those marginally-talented son-of-the-head-coach kids who is allowed to wander into game action when Davidson is moppin' the floor with The Citadel or the Furman Palladins).
41 shots, Americans.
You'll take more shots than that tonight in your rec-league game at the Y ...
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Looks Like Duke's No Longer No. 1
Georgetown took care of that today with a remarkable effort in the second half, holding the top-ranked team in the nation -- which was averaging 17 goals/game -- to only a pair of tallies in the third quarter and fourth periods.
The home crowd had to be a little nervous when the Hoyas' 3-0 lead was erased by a couple of breathtaking goals by Max Quinzani, who, according to one of our announcers on the local ABC affiliate, was omitted from the preseason All-America team because he's, in the minds of people who vote on such matters, too much of a hot dog.
It seems so petty, given that Quinzani has great quicks, his pivoting and spin moves are first-rate and he knows how to finish WAIT A SEC, WHAT IF AMERICA WANTS to discuss Duke basketball instead of Duke lacrosse?
That's easy ... Duke basketball = black socks and black shoes to match the black road jerseys, which is perfect, given that black is one of the school colors about as much as black is Coach ShuhShefSkee's real hair color.
Oh ... and the Dookie b-ballers often attempt jump shots which are wayyyyyyy outta their range because Mighty Mike feels disinclined to inform them with an F-bomb-laced outburst that those shots are wayyyyyy outta their range.
That's pretty much it in a nutshell -- unless America wants to add to it with what took place today against Wuss Virginia in what amounted to the Duke Obituary for '07-'08.
Some of us were scribbling down some notes in order to do one of those running-blogs/game-diaries which all the kids seem to enjoy nowadays.
Alas, the play-by-play of Craig Bolerjack and the commentary of Bob Wenzel (a 293-year-old, ex-Knight assistant) were annoying -- therefore, we stuck to our Contract With God that no b-ball game shall receive more than 5-10 minutes of serious consideration in the La-Z-Boy Inner Sanctum.
(Sidebar: Since that Georgetown-Duke lacrosse match began at 11:00 in D.C. and since Coach Mike's game in D.C. didn't tip off 'til 2:10, ya gotta wonder if when Chef had finished applying the black grease paint to his hair in his hotel bathroom he made his way out to the Verizon Center a little bit early so that he could grab a refreshment -- fresh fruit, maybe some juice and a Danish -- before plopping down to watch the first quarter in the press lounge on the local D.C.-ABC affiliate and maybe lend the type of vocal support for Dookie LAX that he didn't show for Dookie LAX in the wake of the rape allegations two years ago ... that is, unless he believes Max Quinzani is a rapist, who knows?)
Because we're only human in La-Z-Boy Nation, we followed up the Hoyas' 11-7 win over Dookie LAX by watching bits n' pieces of Dookie b-ball (once the game became tolerable with the "mute" function keeping Bolerjack and Wenzel at bay).
The Dookies are a laugh-a-minute, thrill ride ... the way the kids pull up for 23-foot trifecters and attempt shots which are 10 feet beyond their range with plenty of time left on the shot clock.
"You can't teach that ... "
Anyway, everybody knows by now that Dr. Shef has enjoyed far better "coaching" success when he has a roster full of future NBA types (and not a group of ex-McDonald's All-Americans ... and, "shhhhhh ..." please nobody mention Pete Gaudet's 3-12 record when he filled in for Mighty Mike's injured back during the '95 season ... ).
"SHHHH, Part II" involves the coach that Mike tangled with today ... Huggy Bear -- the immortal whose teams at Cinshitnati amassed that impressive graduation rate when as they were winning all of those national championship trophies.
Huggy had an interesting quote following today's triumph over the Dookies -- and it involved one of the heroes of the La-Z-Boy Realm.
"Jamie (Smalligan) texted me last night and said, 'Coach, it's a better matchup if I don't start.' How many teams have a guy like that? He's a senior, a guy who said basically, 'Coach, I know it's a bad matchup for me' and he's started every game of the year."
That's a fascinating anecdote ... one worth exploring.
"A bad matchup?" (And, here comes the punchline, America): "A bad matchup sounds like the relationship between Bob's players and the classroom!" (laugh track).
Except, of course, for Alex Ruoff (a Beilein recruit, not a Huggins recruit, mind you ...).
Huggy probably didn't realize how weak he made our 7-foot hero, Jamie Smalligan, appear with that text message -- unless, of course, Coach was shielding his player from a bloodthirsty media ... unwilling to reveal to America that the insta-msg. actually read:
"Cch ... im lnly, nrvs & ful of inr-cnflct & slf-dbt ... y u wnt hug me? ... itz dook ... im so vry frghtnd."
Regardless of the dynamic between Huggy and Too Tall Smalligan, our 7-foot hero played like a 7-foot-7 warrior when we looked up from what we were doing during his 4 minutes of game action in the first half and forced 7-foot-1 Brian Zoubek to alter his shot.
In the world of 7-foot-white-boy-vs.-7-foot-white-boy, yeah ... that's "a rejection" (like flyswattin' a shot 14 rows deep into the courtside seats).
Wuss Virginia deserves much credit for avenging the death of its football program when that team was so very close to a national championship.
These good vibrations were so good that Huggy opted to allow Jonnie West some P.T. in a game which wasn't a 33-point blowout.
The name "Jonnie West" should remind us all of how much fun we had watching"Jonny Quest" on TV or watching Jerry West on TV or listening to DEVO on the hi-fi sing about "After the teardrops / Jonee jumped in his Datsun / Drove out on the expressway / Went head-on into a semi / His guitar's all that's left now / He made her cry / Now she calls his name / Jonee, you're too blame / Come back, Jonee ..."
The sad part about that is not so much the imagery of Jonee (not Jonnie) in his Datsun going head-on into a semi, but, rather the fact that this classic was on DEVO's debut album right around the time that Jerry West was turnin' 40 ... which was scarcely more than 10 years before his son-who's-young-enough-to-be-his-grandson was born in either '88 or '89.
Notwithstanding DEVO and Datsuns, the Meltdowneers are now scheduled to meet the Mouseketeers in the Swede 16 next weekend.
With Huggy's text-msg. intuition runnin' the show, anything's possible.
SADLY, VENGEANCE DOES ALWAYS COME TO THOSE WHO SEEK TO AVENGE ... as a b-baller from Senegal named Chinemelu Elonu learned today.
When he was a tyke growing up in Senegal, Chinemelu Elonu probably watched the '98 Cotton Bowl and vowed that one day, he could lead a perennial underdog such as Texas A&M to a victory over a perennial superpower such as UCLA.
Alas, there can be a disconnect when it's a traditional football school (Texas A&M) vs. a traditional basketball school (UCLA) and the sport of choice is not intramural softball.
More to the point, Chinemelu Elonu cannot be held responsible for the fact that we all liked this A&M roundball team a lot better last year when its fate was in the hands of Acie Law, IV and the charismatic Lithuanian, Antanas Kavaliauskas.
(Update: Bob Knight-recruit Esmir Rizvic just text-messaged Bob Knight-recruit Damir Suljagic something about Antanas Kavaliauskas getting preferential treatment in the U.S. because he was a Lithuanian who chose A&M instead of a Croat or Serb who chose to play ball for O'Reilly Auto Parts-Lubbock Division)
Speaking of Knight (who was noticably absent from the studio today, Damir Suljagic's insta-msg. to Esmir Rizvic was: "Maybe he's tired and he asked not to be waked from his nappy-nap."), the General's "sleeper" to win it all (the Powerful Pitt Panther Powerhouse Paw Patrol) had the plug pulled on its season because Mich. St.'s Drew Neitzel decided to go 5-of-8 "from distance" instead of going 2-of-11 (which, for all we know, he's already scheduled as his Swede 16 shooting performance).
Either Tom Izzo is a master at relations between "bigs" with Eastern European roots (Goran Suton) and African heritage (Idong Ibok) -- something which never added up to anything special in College Station TX with the aforementioned Kavaliauskas and Elonu -- or maybe ... just maybe ... Bob Knight forgot to check his notes (which would clump him together with Dickie V. and Digger as guys who spout about anything/everything w/o actually having any data nearby).
Rather than wasting America's time with "melancholy" (the 1950s term for "fricking B.S."), Bob could've spent more than 6.3 minutes watching Pitt and then goin' ga-ga with a pronouncement which was so blatantly a smokescreen for his anti-Izzo-ism and his anti-Calipari-ism (two young coaches which were Pitt's roadblocks to the Final Four).
As America knows, Pitt's win over Duke earl;ier this season left the Panthers with an 11-0 record -- only, injuries and some mediocrity spelled an 8-8 record in the team's next 16 games.
In those 8 losses, however, starting guard Ronald Ramon went ice cold, sinking only 2 of 29 three-balls.
Today, he was 0-4 "from distance" (1 of 5 on 2-pt.ers) -- so, whether it's fair or not, the Panthers' offensive woes when they're losing generally went through Ronald Ramon (which isn't a huge surprise, given that he camps on that 3-point stripe as much as any one-dimensional, 3-point-stripe camper in the nation).
But, Bobby's Sweater, Digger's Ties and Dickie's Egghead are not allowed to say one negative word re: college players ("they're not pros, we must protect the children ... think of the children!"), hence, when Team A struggles to get quality shots, it's because Team B is "mixing up its defenses."
In the SayNiceThingsThatLeaveNoHurtFeelings Bylaws, it states quite clearly that if Player X is completely mediocre -- and his coach isn't talented enough to lift medicore Player X's level to something above mediocrity, it's because Player X's opponent is a special individual.
Oldest frickin' trick in the book.
[Sidebar: There was a priceless moment during the college football bowl season on ESPN when Chris Fowler was babbling on about what a great recruiter new-UCLA head coach Rick Neuheisel was ... until Craig James tersely blurted out, "Who isn't?" ++++ In the Winter X Games Network's realm of pom-pom waving for mediocrity intermingled with excruciating over-scrutinization of minutae (read: frickin' nitpickin'), it's amazing that Craig James' remark didn't get him fired on the spot]
All of this leads to why March Mixed-Upness hasn't really ever turned our crank here in the Fortress of La-Z-Boy Glory.
Not even when there were NCAA Pool championship riches sent here in '97 and '06.
To this day, nobody has adequately explained that unholy alliance between CBS and ESPN wherein America receives less than 30 seconds containing no more than three highlights of first- and second-round action.
But, we get Lavin's greasy hair and Digger's neckties (bonus in '08: "Bobby's sweaters!") sittin' 'round the studio, givin' their pitch to America ... "College b-ball is great, but watching us talk about it is even greater."
It really makes ya question the existence of God.
That aspect was driven home in the late stages of the Stanford-Marquette game when we were served images of everything from Robin and Brook Lopez's spooky-lookin' mama to Jim Harbaugh's sister (Tom Crean's wife) to Jerel McNeal doin' whatever it is he does when Dominic James isn't single-handedly winning ballgames for Marquette.
Hard to believe that it was almost exactly one full month ago when Reggie Rankin of Scouts, Inc. either accidentally or intentionally ingested wayyyy too much Crystal Drano and typed, "Junior point guard Dominic James can dominate a game in many ways."
America to Reggie Rankin: "Whatever that means ..." (since James is a 13 PPG and hits only 68% of his foul shots, etc ...).
Sure ... he had James had 10 assists today, but he was 4 of 16 from the floor, missed all three 3-balls and came up empty on four shots within a one-minute span in the final minute of regulation.
No one's sayin' that D.J. can't play.
We're sayin' that Dominic ain't dominatin' nobody no way, no how.
And, no one should allow McNeal off the hook, either.
While he knocked down three 3-balls in OT, McNeal was 1 of 8 "from distance" in regulation.
The antithesis of "Super! Scintillating! Sensational!" was "Silly! Sloppy! Subpar!"
On the other hand, Super-Marquette should go easy on Dwight Burke for his last-second D on Brook Lopez.
For one thing, Dwight Burke is probably not a defender on par with teammate Ousmane Barro (this transmission's second-fave Senegalista ... Chinemelu Elonu remains #1).
Secondly, Dwight Burke didn't have time to break down game tapes, mid-game, of Brook Lopez and how he would've responded to a player fronting him with some backside help.
Thirdly, Tom Crean simply didn't have 13 or 14 timeouts to spend teaching double-team D assignments to those two or three people inside the Honda Center who DIDN'T know where the ball was going for Stanford's final shot.
"Hmmmm ... is it going to Todd Lichti or Adam Keefe? And, if it DOES go to Lopez, ya think he'll spin or pivot to his right, y'know ... since he shoots right-handed and all?"
Watchin' Stanford when the Lopez boyz are gettin' bizz-zay is OK, but, it's bad for children to see Anthony Goods pretending to shoot a basketball.
And, what's the deal with Taj Finger?
THESE ARE QUESTIONS/PROBLEMS/ISSUES WHICH WE LIKELY WILL NOT ADDRESS tomorrow because, well ... it's Easter Sunday ... and we owe it to Jesus (or Yul Bryner).
We need to put away our "DUCK FUKE" t-shirt (it probably wouldn't be a bad idea if, as courtesy, a no-talent such as Dana Jacobson showed some Hebrew restraint and refrained, for once, from wearing her "Juck Fesus" t-shirt 'round Bristol).
Seriously ... lookit this schedule: Two No. 12s vs. two No. 13s? Even if you combined the rosters from ChevyNova and Burnt Siena and played 'em off against the rosters of the Toreros and the Hilltoppers, your matchup really wouldn't be much to write home about.
That's a nice intramural matchup.
Possibly a good rec-league showcase.
NCAA playoff hoops?
Yeah, right.
If you say so (wink, wink).
That sport died about the same time as the Datsun ...
The home crowd had to be a little nervous when the Hoyas' 3-0 lead was erased by a couple of breathtaking goals by Max Quinzani, who, according to one of our announcers on the local ABC affiliate, was omitted from the preseason All-America team because he's, in the minds of people who vote on such matters, too much of a hot dog.
It seems so petty, given that Quinzani has great quicks, his pivoting and spin moves are first-rate and he knows how to finish WAIT A SEC, WHAT IF AMERICA WANTS to discuss Duke basketball instead of Duke lacrosse?
That's easy ... Duke basketball = black socks and black shoes to match the black road jerseys, which is perfect, given that black is one of the school colors about as much as black is Coach ShuhShefSkee's real hair color.
Oh ... and the Dookie b-ballers often attempt jump shots which are wayyyyyyy outta their range because Mighty Mike feels disinclined to inform them with an F-bomb-laced outburst that those shots are wayyyyyy outta their range.
That's pretty much it in a nutshell -- unless America wants to add to it with what took place today against Wuss Virginia in what amounted to the Duke Obituary for '07-'08.
Some of us were scribbling down some notes in order to do one of those running-blogs/game-diaries which all the kids seem to enjoy nowadays.
Alas, the play-by-play of Craig Bolerjack and the commentary of Bob Wenzel (a 293-year-old, ex-Knight assistant) were annoying -- therefore, we stuck to our Contract With God that no b-ball game shall receive more than 5-10 minutes of serious consideration in the La-Z-Boy Inner Sanctum.
(Sidebar: Since that Georgetown-Duke lacrosse match began at 11:00 in D.C. and since Coach Mike's game in D.C. didn't tip off 'til 2:10, ya gotta wonder if when Chef had finished applying the black grease paint to his hair in his hotel bathroom he made his way out to the Verizon Center a little bit early so that he could grab a refreshment -- fresh fruit, maybe some juice and a Danish -- before plopping down to watch the first quarter in the press lounge on the local D.C.-ABC affiliate and maybe lend the type of vocal support for Dookie LAX that he didn't show for Dookie LAX in the wake of the rape allegations two years ago ... that is, unless he believes Max Quinzani is a rapist, who knows?)
Because we're only human in La-Z-Boy Nation, we followed up the Hoyas' 11-7 win over Dookie LAX by watching bits n' pieces of Dookie b-ball (once the game became tolerable with the "mute" function keeping Bolerjack and Wenzel at bay).
The Dookies are a laugh-a-minute, thrill ride ... the way the kids pull up for 23-foot trifecters and attempt shots which are 10 feet beyond their range with plenty of time left on the shot clock.
"You can't teach that ... "
Anyway, everybody knows by now that Dr. Shef has enjoyed far better "coaching" success when he has a roster full of future NBA types (and not a group of ex-McDonald's All-Americans ... and, "shhhhhh ..." please nobody mention Pete Gaudet's 3-12 record when he filled in for Mighty Mike's injured back during the '95 season ... ).
"SHHHH, Part II" involves the coach that Mike tangled with today ... Huggy Bear -- the immortal whose teams at Cinshitnati amassed that impressive graduation rate when as they were winning all of those national championship trophies.
Huggy had an interesting quote following today's triumph over the Dookies -- and it involved one of the heroes of the La-Z-Boy Realm.
"Jamie (Smalligan) texted me last night and said, 'Coach, it's a better matchup if I don't start.' How many teams have a guy like that? He's a senior, a guy who said basically, 'Coach, I know it's a bad matchup for me' and he's started every game of the year."
That's a fascinating anecdote ... one worth exploring.
"A bad matchup?" (And, here comes the punchline, America): "A bad matchup sounds like the relationship between Bob's players and the classroom!" (laugh track).
Except, of course, for Alex Ruoff (a Beilein recruit, not a Huggins recruit, mind you ...).
Huggy probably didn't realize how weak he made our 7-foot hero, Jamie Smalligan, appear with that text message -- unless, of course, Coach was shielding his player from a bloodthirsty media ... unwilling to reveal to America that the insta-msg. actually read:
"Cch ... im lnly, nrvs & ful of inr-cnflct & slf-dbt ... y u wnt hug me? ... itz dook ... im so vry frghtnd."
Regardless of the dynamic between Huggy and Too Tall Smalligan, our 7-foot hero played like a 7-foot-7 warrior when we looked up from what we were doing during his 4 minutes of game action in the first half and forced 7-foot-1 Brian Zoubek to alter his shot.
In the world of 7-foot-white-boy-vs.-7-foot-white-boy, yeah ... that's "a rejection" (like flyswattin' a shot 14 rows deep into the courtside seats).
Wuss Virginia deserves much credit for avenging the death of its football program when that team was so very close to a national championship.
These good vibrations were so good that Huggy opted to allow Jonnie West some P.T. in a game which wasn't a 33-point blowout.
The name "Jonnie West" should remind us all of how much fun we had watching"Jonny Quest" on TV or watching Jerry West on TV or listening to DEVO on the hi-fi sing about "After the teardrops / Jonee jumped in his Datsun / Drove out on the expressway / Went head-on into a semi / His guitar's all that's left now / He made her cry / Now she calls his name / Jonee, you're too blame / Come back, Jonee ..."
The sad part about that is not so much the imagery of Jonee (not Jonnie) in his Datsun going head-on into a semi, but, rather the fact that this classic was on DEVO's debut album right around the time that Jerry West was turnin' 40 ... which was scarcely more than 10 years before his son-who's-young-enough-to-be-his-grandson was born in either '88 or '89.
Notwithstanding DEVO and Datsuns, the Meltdowneers are now scheduled to meet the Mouseketeers in the Swede 16 next weekend.
With Huggy's text-msg. intuition runnin' the show, anything's possible.
SADLY, VENGEANCE DOES ALWAYS COME TO THOSE WHO SEEK TO AVENGE ... as a b-baller from Senegal named Chinemelu Elonu learned today.
When he was a tyke growing up in Senegal, Chinemelu Elonu probably watched the '98 Cotton Bowl and vowed that one day, he could lead a perennial underdog such as Texas A&M to a victory over a perennial superpower such as UCLA.
Alas, there can be a disconnect when it's a traditional football school (Texas A&M) vs. a traditional basketball school (UCLA) and the sport of choice is not intramural softball.
More to the point, Chinemelu Elonu cannot be held responsible for the fact that we all liked this A&M roundball team a lot better last year when its fate was in the hands of Acie Law, IV and the charismatic Lithuanian, Antanas Kavaliauskas.
(Update: Bob Knight-recruit Esmir Rizvic just text-messaged Bob Knight-recruit Damir Suljagic something about Antanas Kavaliauskas getting preferential treatment in the U.S. because he was a Lithuanian who chose A&M instead of a Croat or Serb who chose to play ball for O'Reilly Auto Parts-Lubbock Division)
Speaking of Knight (who was noticably absent from the studio today, Damir Suljagic's insta-msg. to Esmir Rizvic was: "Maybe he's tired and he asked not to be waked from his nappy-nap."), the General's "sleeper" to win it all (the Powerful Pitt Panther Powerhouse Paw Patrol) had the plug pulled on its season because Mich. St.'s Drew Neitzel decided to go 5-of-8 "from distance" instead of going 2-of-11 (which, for all we know, he's already scheduled as his Swede 16 shooting performance).
Either Tom Izzo is a master at relations between "bigs" with Eastern European roots (Goran Suton) and African heritage (Idong Ibok) -- something which never added up to anything special in College Station TX with the aforementioned Kavaliauskas and Elonu -- or maybe ... just maybe ... Bob Knight forgot to check his notes (which would clump him together with Dickie V. and Digger as guys who spout about anything/everything w/o actually having any data nearby).
Rather than wasting America's time with "melancholy" (the 1950s term for "fricking B.S."), Bob could've spent more than 6.3 minutes watching Pitt and then goin' ga-ga with a pronouncement which was so blatantly a smokescreen for his anti-Izzo-ism and his anti-Calipari-ism (two young coaches which were Pitt's roadblocks to the Final Four).
As America knows, Pitt's win over Duke earl;ier this season left the Panthers with an 11-0 record -- only, injuries and some mediocrity spelled an 8-8 record in the team's next 16 games.
In those 8 losses, however, starting guard Ronald Ramon went ice cold, sinking only 2 of 29 three-balls.
Today, he was 0-4 "from distance" (1 of 5 on 2-pt.ers) -- so, whether it's fair or not, the Panthers' offensive woes when they're losing generally went through Ronald Ramon (which isn't a huge surprise, given that he camps on that 3-point stripe as much as any one-dimensional, 3-point-stripe camper in the nation).
But, Bobby's Sweater, Digger's Ties and Dickie's Egghead are not allowed to say one negative word re: college players ("they're not pros, we must protect the children ... think of the children!"), hence, when Team A struggles to get quality shots, it's because Team B is "mixing up its defenses."
In the SayNiceThingsThatLeaveNoHurtFeelings Bylaws, it states quite clearly that if Player X is completely mediocre -- and his coach isn't talented enough to lift medicore Player X's level to something above mediocrity, it's because Player X's opponent is a special individual.
Oldest frickin' trick in the book.
[Sidebar: There was a priceless moment during the college football bowl season on ESPN when Chris Fowler was babbling on about what a great recruiter new-UCLA head coach Rick Neuheisel was ... until Craig James tersely blurted out, "Who isn't?" ++++ In the Winter X Games Network's realm of pom-pom waving for mediocrity intermingled with excruciating over-scrutinization of minutae (read: frickin' nitpickin'), it's amazing that Craig James' remark didn't get him fired on the spot]
All of this leads to why March Mixed-Upness hasn't really ever turned our crank here in the Fortress of La-Z-Boy Glory.
Not even when there were NCAA Pool championship riches sent here in '97 and '06.
To this day, nobody has adequately explained that unholy alliance between CBS and ESPN wherein America receives less than 30 seconds containing no more than three highlights of first- and second-round action.
But, we get Lavin's greasy hair and Digger's neckties (bonus in '08: "Bobby's sweaters!") sittin' 'round the studio, givin' their pitch to America ... "College b-ball is great, but watching us talk about it is even greater."
It really makes ya question the existence of God.
That aspect was driven home in the late stages of the Stanford-Marquette game when we were served images of everything from Robin and Brook Lopez's spooky-lookin' mama to Jim Harbaugh's sister (Tom Crean's wife) to Jerel McNeal doin' whatever it is he does when Dominic James isn't single-handedly winning ballgames for Marquette.
Hard to believe that it was almost exactly one full month ago when Reggie Rankin of Scouts, Inc. either accidentally or intentionally ingested wayyyy too much Crystal Drano and typed, "Junior point guard Dominic James can dominate a game in many ways."
America to Reggie Rankin: "Whatever that means ..." (since James is a 13 PPG and hits only 68% of his foul shots, etc ...).
Sure ... he had James had 10 assists today, but he was 4 of 16 from the floor, missed all three 3-balls and came up empty on four shots within a one-minute span in the final minute of regulation.
No one's sayin' that D.J. can't play.
We're sayin' that Dominic ain't dominatin' nobody no way, no how.
And, no one should allow McNeal off the hook, either.
While he knocked down three 3-balls in OT, McNeal was 1 of 8 "from distance" in regulation.
The antithesis of "Super! Scintillating! Sensational!" was "Silly! Sloppy! Subpar!"
On the other hand, Super-Marquette should go easy on Dwight Burke for his last-second D on Brook Lopez.
For one thing, Dwight Burke is probably not a defender on par with teammate Ousmane Barro (this transmission's second-fave Senegalista ... Chinemelu Elonu remains #1).
Secondly, Dwight Burke didn't have time to break down game tapes, mid-game, of Brook Lopez and how he would've responded to a player fronting him with some backside help.
Thirdly, Tom Crean simply didn't have 13 or 14 timeouts to spend teaching double-team D assignments to those two or three people inside the Honda Center who DIDN'T know where the ball was going for Stanford's final shot.
"Hmmmm ... is it going to Todd Lichti or Adam Keefe? And, if it DOES go to Lopez, ya think he'll spin or pivot to his right, y'know ... since he shoots right-handed and all?"
Watchin' Stanford when the Lopez boyz are gettin' bizz-zay is OK, but, it's bad for children to see Anthony Goods pretending to shoot a basketball.
And, what's the deal with Taj Finger?
THESE ARE QUESTIONS/PROBLEMS/ISSUES WHICH WE LIKELY WILL NOT ADDRESS tomorrow because, well ... it's Easter Sunday ... and we owe it to Jesus (or Yul Bryner).
We need to put away our "DUCK FUKE" t-shirt (it probably wouldn't be a bad idea if, as courtesy, a no-talent such as Dana Jacobson showed some Hebrew restraint and refrained, for once, from wearing her "Juck Fesus" t-shirt 'round Bristol).
Seriously ... lookit this schedule: Two No. 12s vs. two No. 13s? Even if you combined the rosters from ChevyNova and Burnt Siena and played 'em off against the rosters of the Toreros and the Hilltoppers, your matchup really wouldn't be much to write home about.
That's a nice intramural matchup.
Possibly a good rec-league showcase.
NCAA playoff hoops?
Yeah, right.
If you say so (wink, wink).
That sport died about the same time as the Datsun ...
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