Glorious Triumph for DIRK McGIRDER

EVEN SO ... if only Kreider could have latched onto that semi-off-target pass from Charlie Batch and then fallen across the goal line (instead of dropping the ball and gettin' smacked by #52 Cobalt Lounge) ... or if Rossum had made a juke "in space" with only the punter to beat (instead of running politely out of bounds for a 49-yard punt return which coulda been an 87-yard TD) ... and if the guys hadn't had a mini-letdown (52-yard KOR, facemask penalty and 33-yard TD by McGahee) when they had just taken that 35-0 lead a few minutes before halftime ... well, let's just say that 45-0 looks/sounds/feels so much better than the 38-7 final which we wound up with.

As this world has come to learn, the only thing better than a Black N' Gold romp is a Black N' Gold romp which leaves cleatmarks all over Billick's already oddly-contorted face (when's that guy gonna stop lookin' as though he just ate a moldy lemon chased by 3-week-old, unrefrigerated eggplant?)

This MNF blowout was good for America, since some of us were growing mighty weary of the Colts-Pats/Super Bowl 41.5 fallout (not to mention the fact that no one seems interested in asking Tom Brady the important postgame questions, such as, "Do you think that, one day, you and your son will enjoy watching the highlights of this game on DVD -- or is Bridget more likely to make the kid watch it with his step-dad?" ++++ Which reminds us: Why is that any time there's a QB who is the son of a football coach, there's always a TV announcer somewhere to to inform us that said QB is smarter, in theory, than everybody else simply because "he's the son of a football coach"? Why is it that no one ever uses a tagline for Tom Brady such as: "Brady's performing well for a QB who is the father of a bastard child born out of wedlock"??? +++ Just wunderin', that's all. The way this love affair stands now, Tom Terrific could be sittin' in the pocket, readin' NAMBLA literature as he waits for Moss/Stallworth/Welker to get open and Tommy's terrifickness will be forever unparalleled because, let's face it ... Roethlisberger rides motorcycles too fast and he doesn't bang Giselle, blah blah blah ... )

Either way, we're a few minutes into the early minutes of TMA (Tuesday Morning Aftermath) following MNF -- wishing that such a splendid night at The Big Ketchup Bottle (as all of the oldtimers/legends came out to watch Clint Kriewaldt wear his yellow bonnet while playin' special teams) never had to end.
Of course, Dirk McGirder might've been dismayed that there weren't three or four second-half TDs to provide a 56-7 or 63-7 shellacking, yet, some of us spent some of that quiet time reminiscing about which of Big Ben's five first-half TD throws was our favourite.
(Answer: It HAD to be the second-quarter TD bomb down the right sideline to Santonio, who made the catch a few yards deep in the end zone as that no-name scrub DB -- Derrick Martin, they say his name is -- attempted a 2-handed overhead reach for the ball after Santonio had already made the catch and was sliding on the wet end-zone grass. +++ Kinda clueless D by a guy who probably isn't good enough to play professionally for the Saskatchewan Roughriders of the CFL or the Scottish Claymores of the WLAF or the Jacksonville Bulls of the USFL or the Jacksonville Sharks of the WFL ...).

For those of us who live within listening range of Ravens Radio, Tuesday's daylight should be oodles of fun as many opinions will be expressed on "The Ray Lewis Show," "The Willis McGahee Show," "The Jonathan Ogden Show," "The Todd Heap Show," "The Brian Billick Show" and whichever other Raven has a show (actually, someone should scrap all of those shows and, instead, air that footage from the time when Ravens o-coordinator Rick Neuheisel was holding a guitar as he was seated in a row boat in the middle of a lake and, now that ya mention it, nobody can remember if Neuheisel actually strummed that 6-string and sang "On Top Of Old Smokey" or "She'll Be Comin' 'Round The Mountain" or "Smells Like Teen Spirit" -- in fact, we can't remember if it was when the girlie-lookin' geek and his cherry-hued cheeks was the head coach at Colorado or Washington ... EXPM does have the footage somewhere, though ... YouTube, what say you?)

The aftermath of what began almost five hours ago in the Steel City drizzle is not unlike the pride that we Ravenhaters felt last Jan. when the Colts returned to Balt. and defeated the unstoppable Ravens -- prompting that headline in The Sun which read: PURPLE PAIN ... block letters which were juxtaposed over a photo of a 40-something-year-old doofus with his lower lip jutting out like a tot who'd just had his lollipop swiped.

That's the problem w/ B'More ... they put their eggs in the basket of Billick, a chump who came to town and tried to pawn off Scott Mitchell and Stoney Case as NFL QBs.
Since 92.8 percent of Ravens fans wear the #52 jersey in honor of the Cobalt Lounge's favorite linebacker, they need (now, more than ever) their icon to rev it up with "What time is it?! GAME TIME, woof woof woof!" -- soooooo inspirational is he ... except for them two dead boys lyin' all dead on the street outside the Cobalt Lounge ...).

In that same vein, no Terrible Towelistas should feel sorry for Steve McNair (13 completions for a staggeringly-low 63 yards). That guy was a Steeler-killer "back in the day." And he was the QB who was doin' the damage during those 27-0 and 31-7 embarrassments last year, so, "tough tarts, said the Queen of Hearts." (++++ Hmmmm ... that metaphor is more-effeminate than Neuheisel in the rowboat ... gotta work on that ... which ain't easy w/o the F-word or other profanity) ...

On the other hand, it didn't seem entirely fair that, when interviewed at halftime, Mel Blount and His Cowboy Hat had some mighty unkind words for the Ravens' offense. #47 shouldn't be hatin' when it's Steelers he should be congratulatin'.

And, while we're on the subject of remembering the heroes who made Three Rivers Stadium a championship lair, ya gotta wonder how many fans out there tonight found themselves conflicted when they saw Larry Brown in his #79 jersey (escpecially those of us who might have been wearing our white #87 BROWN Steeler jersey because, after all, that WAS the color and number which Larry was wearing when he caught the first TD pass in Steelers Super Bowl history ... it's the dilemma every diehard faces when he considers the seven years Larry Brown spent as TE vs. the seven years he spent as RT).

Ambivalence and ambiguity aside, a quiet second half might've provided the perfect backdrop for those who were interested in mingling and sharing war stories rather than sweating out a tense third and fourth quarter.
However, two key figures were missing from the gathering of the Steelers' 75-Year Anniversary Team -- Noll and Lambert.
The EXPM MNF blabbermouths didn't fully explain the extent of Noll's health-related issues and nobody explained #58's absence.
Do some homework, Kornhusker (instead of spending all that time of scraggly beards, shitty comb-overs and jagged teeth).
Some of us don't have time to visit 75 sites/blogs for the whys and the wherefores.

Well, now it seems as though the yellow helmets and the throwback gear are part of the Steeler archives. It was a 2-game experiment -- and now it's just a matter of time to determine if there'll be trading cards depicting either the Gold Bonnets vs. the Bills or the Gold Bonnets vs. the Ravens which can match those trading cards in our collection from that '94 game against the Colts when the Steelers, in keeping with the spirit of the NFL's 75th anniversary, wore those funky yellow-with-black-striped shirts with that wacky crest smack dab in the middle, accessorized with dull, gold trousers and plain black helmets.

Understandably, Dirk McGirder probably hated those togs.
Come to think of it, now that the Steelers have won all four home games by a margin of 20 points or more, how come Dirk McGirder isn't receiving more face time as he waves his towel and leads the always-inspiring "Let's Go, Steelers!" cheer?

Wait ... who's DIRK McGIRDER, anyway?
Well, that's the pseudonym some of us are using for something that they call "Steely McBeam," this year's cartoonlike mascot.
"Steely McBeam"???
Didn't the allegedly-not-anorexic Calista Flockhart star as Steely McBeam in that FOX series which most of us never watched?
Steely McBeam ... Ally McBeal ... same thing ...

Dirk McGrider never watched episodes of "Steely McBeal."
Dirk McGirder spent the days of his youth reading about steel girders.
Nobody messed with Dirk McGirder back in the days when Steely McBeal was gettin' rejected every time she asked some guy to the Sadie Hawkins Dance.

"Steely McBeam"???
That's the name of a boutique -- or a re-working of a name which was stolen from that eatery & bar on "The Simpsons" ... TIPSY McSTAGGER'S.
Tunch Ilkin never ate at Tipsy McStagger's.

Anyway, while the Ravens are ordering rounds of Shirley Temples at their nearest Tipsy McStagger's, Dirk McGirder and the team he cheers for must make the most of the short week in preparation for the Brownies. It stands to reason that Ravens Reject, Derek Anderson, won't opt for the dink-n'-dump approach.
Cleveland will likely "bring more to the table" than it did in the 34-7, season opener -- and that means "on the offensive side of the ball," "on the defensive side of the ball" and "on the special teams side of the ball" (radio/TV-speak for "offense/defense/special teams").

One more thing: We had 33 Steelers on the 75th-anniversary team, but, shhhhhhh ... Louis Lipps WAS better than Lynn Swann.
You saw the games.
Do the math ...